zlhzlh

So 6 months to this day, was the day I realized I couldn't continue as I was. I had almost 2 years sobriety under my belt previously then thought I would try to moderate. Well a week into relapse I slipped back into old ways, drinking daily, hiding booze, living a shameful life with no regard for anybody else. 6 months yesterday, I started drinking red wine at about 11am and didn't stop, until I had drank the house dry.....I even drank the Christmas dregs, brandy, sloe gin, literally anything I could get my hands on. I passed out that night , no idea how I got to bed, woke up fully dressed the next day..in a state of panic! Checked my phone for the random drunk text messages and incriminating emails so my husband wouldn't find them, little did I know he had read each and everyone and was disgusted with me but too angry to speak! I got up drove drunkingly to meet some people for a Sunday run, I could hardly focus let alone drive or run, but was so drunk still was oblivious to things going on around me, I managed to get around the run some how, but no idea how I didn't have a heart attack, palpatations had kicked in, I felt clammy, my head was throbbing my skull felt tight and I could feel my brain pulsating. I needed to get home, I needed to lie down....I felt like I wanted to die. When I got back home my husband, looked at me and said is there something I needed to tell him..

Realization had just hit me like a bus, he knows everything, he had read everything......my life has just ended....I want to die.

That was the last time I drank.....and I will never drink again.

Mountainmanbob

Congratulations on your 6 months sober.

MB

Delilah1

Congratulations on six months, I hope you have experienced many positive changes during that time!!!

Soberwolf

Congratulations

BixBees505

Zlhzlh...I want to thank you for recounting your turning point. Your success speaks for itself, and it gives so much hope and encouragement.

Heartfelt congrats.

zlhzlh

Bixbees, you are most welcome.

ZenLifter

Thanks for sharing, and congrats on 6 months!

madgirl

Wow thanks for the reminder of the horror and sheer terror of active alcoholism. That is absolutely a nightmare!! Big hugs - you are on a much better path! (WE are)

Winslow

Congratulations on 6 months😊

zlhzlh

Yes Delilah, I am experiencing lots of positives.but it's taken a while to gain trust back which has created a horribly isolated feel to my life, things are so different, not comparible to before. I have very little social life and have let go of most of my friends. I have buried myself in work and looking after my family and my health. I am not where I want to be yet, but I wake up every morning and can face myself in the mirror and I know my husband has forgiven me.

chrcarlson

I'm glad you don't have days like that anymore.

thomas11

Hi zlh, if I remember correctly when I joined this site you were sober and doing a lot of running and things were going good. I guess I didn't realize that you had relapsed. I can appreciate your honest, and it sounds like it was fairly severe (drinking the xmas booze). Very nice to hear you are at 6 months. That is great.

zlhzlh

I joined SR in December 2015, after I had relapsed yes. And yes drinking the Xmas dregs was pretty bad, Xmas from 2014 and before!!
I was doing lots of running yes, things have changed for me in the last 6 months, I got injured after Xmas and had to have a break. It meant my social life has become zilch as running was my life. I don't run atm as I can't seem to get back to the level I was at before and have lost the drive and competitiveness I used to have.

LadyBlue0527

Thanks for the post zlhzlh, you just helped me to realize that there will be a point that I can come and admit to all what's going on right now. That there will be an "after" and I will make it through this. I'd say as long as I don't pick up but that won't be an option. So that tells me that at some point I will get relief from the right now and be so grateful for that.

ElleDee

That is great! Thank you for sharing and CONGRATULATIONS!

2ndhandrose

Ditto ^^^^^^^^

6 months is fantastic!!!

Everydaysabonus

Congratulations on 6 months! Relapse is bad (I did it after 11 months) but it teaches us a lesson in that moderation is not an option. Take the best from it and leave the worst behind but never forget.

Leshar

Well done on 6 months! I'm happy to hear that your relationship with your husband is better.

zlhzlh

He never stopped loving me...

I never deserved forgiveness, but he did and I will never forget the pain I put him through.

least

Congrats on six months sober! Keep going, it gets better.