imsober4me

Making progress with myself and my promises I've made myself. (Hence boundaries) I kind of took them as rules for him to go by when it hit me today. They're for me. They're what I will and will not accept. Anyhow abf is dry again. He said something about going to his friends house to take her somewhere blah blah blah. He went to take my keys to my car and I said I thought you're taking yours? He says oh I can. Please do. Then he asked if he could take my debit card to buy a soda. Again I said no. Sometimes I would give in or fight I trust him when he's not trustworthy. I need my car to get to work and run my kids around. He's not licensed nor insured in my car. And the debit card and account is all me. He's not working either. Now since he's out for a bit I can have more me time!
The me time can get scary though as I start to let my mind wander on the what if's? I do have the boundary that he can't be drinking or drunk in my house, if he does I will ask him to leave. My question is how would I do that without provoking? I really hate to say that I am not optimistic about this situation most of the time, but I do know what I need to do and I know I have the support needed to take care of myself.

Liveitwell

Hmmm....I don't really have anything to offer other than nothing I did worked to NOT provoke a fight. I tried to stay quiet, I didn't stay quiet, I walked away, I didn't walk away, etc....no matter what I did, HE acted the same. Fwiw, I think you did the right thing....if he decides to grow up and BE a trustworthy and decent human, then maybe he can then expect others to treat him that way-not the other way around.

Hugs....keep working on those boundaries!

dandylion

imsoberforme.....if she can ask him to drive her around....maybe he can ask HER to buy him a soda.....(unless she is as "broke" as he is)......
None of my business, of course....I am just saying
I agree with you that you shouldn't be expected to be funding the whole deal...

dandylion

AnvilheadII

so he wanted to take YOUR car and YOUR debit card to take HIS female friend somewhere........

huh. uh yeah, NO.

enforcing boundaries CAN provoke the other. especially with addicts. especially if it sounds like NO or LEAVE. it's rather like a child having a tantrum, you must remain firm and stay on task. unless you feel threatened, of course. then you dial 911.

imsober4me

I agree and didn't say that. I am just tired. He didn't fight just left and I thought maybe he won't come home. He was back quickly. Kind of shocked

imsober4me

Exactly . He has never been physical but I know it can happen I'd call 911 for sure. Going to my meeting soon.