BirdsAteMyFace

Physically, I'm feeling so so much better. I'm really grateful that even wasted and feeling crazy, something compelled me to get medical help. But I'm deeply full of shame and guilt. I keep being reminded by little things that this time last year I was rigorously working my program and doing really well. Last year I got beautiful flowers at work on my wedding anniversary. This year, my husband is barely looking me in the eyes and I have no job.
But I'm going to a meeting tonight, and I actually scheduled a doctor's appointment to try to deal with some of my psychological issues.
I'm so full of regret. I can't believe I blew it so badly. Again. I'm afraid to raise my hand as a newcomer. I'm afraid to start my steps all over again. I just wish I could go back in time and never drink that first stinking beer. It was SO not worth it.

ScottFromWI

Congrats on day 4! The regret/shame/guilt will get better, but it's a normal feeling for where you are at in your sobriety. The best thing you can do is just move forward and keep working your steps/program. There's no shame in doing that at all and it will help in many areas of your life.

zlhzlh

Day 4 is great.....well done for coming back, the guilt will fade..stay strong, face the music ......it can only get better from now on.

Opivotal

Great job on day 4, BirdsAteMyFace! I was filled with regret and shame when I started recovery. I think it's normal to have these feelings, but non-productive for staying sober and moving forward.

Time will heal both these feelings and the rift with hubby. Staying sober and living in "today" helped me. I'm glad you're seeing someone to help you deal with these issues. I think you should be proud of seeking help and attending your meeting.

Try and be kinder to yourself, we're so hard on ourselves.

BirdsAteMyFace

I really wish I would have gotten some counseling or something way earlier. Even sober, I still sometimes act in an alcoholic way. In retrospect, it was only a matter of time until I went down the rabbit hole again.

OldTomato

Well done on Day 4, it gets better so keep going. What's in the past is done - try and use your experiences to learn and build a brighter future for yourself.

entropy1964

Congrats on day 4. I totally relate. Try not to beat yourself up too much and just do the next right thing. I know, for me anyway, that my addiction just loves it when I'm kicking myself in the teeth. Hang in there. You're doing awesome and you're very self aware. Good stuff!

biminiblue

I had the Serenity Prayer on a loop in my head.

Shoulda coulda woulda. Can't change the past. (That falls into the "things I cannot change" part.)

Hang on. It is going to get better. You know what to do.

Dee74

Like the others have said what's done is done - the best you can do is learn from that an make sure it never happens again. It really is possible

D