CentralOhioDad

Good morning, dear friends. I joined this group back in July 2012 while in the midst of great turmoil. From almost my first post, you guys greatly, and sometimes not so subtlety, suggested I get the book "Codependent No More". Naturally I resisted and thought I could figure it out on my own.

I was gone for awhile, but am back here learning every day, and soaking up the ES&H. Last night I was sitting at home (the new one we just built), thinking about me and my part of the dysfunctional environment that my 6 yr old DS is growing up with. He graduated from Kindergarten last night and can have a very bright future ahead of him - but it's not going to be easy given the current state of the household. So, I need to do my part to make sure he has al the tools and love and support I can give him - regardless of what his mother, my AW, does.

And it came to me that I can't get better on my own, I need the tools found here, plus more, to get the job done and be the best dad I can be for him. The 50,000 'pushes' to get the book finally worked - I downloaded it to my tablet last night. It was late so I only read the foreword, but its a step for the stubborn old guy.

I didn't tell AW what I did, and feel no need to - thisbis for me and my DS. She has the tools to do what she needs to do - if she chooses to.

You guys are the best!

C-Oh Dad

FireSprite

Shhhhhh!! Don't tell but, I only JUST started reading it for the first time last week. At almost 5 yrs into recovery, I only started it because it practically fell into my lap..... shhhhh!!!!

Just the intro alone is amazing, I know I'll get a lot out of it!

dandylion

CentralOhioDad....."When the student is ready--the teacher will come". I don't know there that cam from....Socrates, probably...lol....

(out of my own curiosity)---where do you think the "stubbornness" came from?

dandylion

CentralOhioDad

Well now, dandylion, that's quite a question.

I think it stems from several things:
1 - my Irish/German/Scot heritage;
2- my being the youngest of 4 kids who had much older siblings, so I was constantly trying to be 'right' and prove myself;
3 - I've always had trouble asking and accepting help, I wanted to figure it out on my own;
4 - my parents and siblings are all quite stubborn
5 - that seems to be the way I've always been.

That's what I can think of at the moment.

Liveitwell

COD-I think you're awesome-and right on time. It has taken me years to actually read that book-even though I bought it years ago you are doing great and I applaud you for taking your recovery seriously. You can not only change the course of your life but also your child's-rock on, friend!

P.S. I do so believe that saying-when the student is ready , the teacher appears.

Wisconsin

COD, my 6-year-old DS is also finishing up kindergarten. My ongoing recovery from co-dependency (which for me has also included separating from my AH) has reaped countless benefits for my DS. He is thriving. Many, many good wishes to you and your DS.

Autumnlover19

I just downloaded it to my kindle a few days ago, very enlightening so far. I'm a (recovering) alcoholic myself, but am trying to untangle from my AXBF (father of my baby) who is also verbally and emotionally abusive to me.

Best wishes, COD.

dandylion

Central OhioDad.....LOL....that sounds about right! I think I have posted about my mountain heritage in West Virginia....mostly people of Scot/Irish/German descent...with little outside influence....
You gave a perfect description....they all lived for a long time...and, I have told others that my relatives all died of stubbornness (true).......

dandylion

maia1234

COD,
You will shake your head and agree, "yep, I do that" on nearly every page. I think it's a great book. From your comments above, you sound good. I am glad that you are concerned about your and baby cod's well being. We spend to much time on our addict, that we lose ourselves.

hopeful4

Good for you! I am glad you are getting more tools into your tool box!

Hugs to you, your kid is lucky to have such a great dad!

Bekindalways

Sometimes I wonder if it is harder for the gentlemen of the species to ask/look for help. I heard a TED talk about The Man Box and how our culture puts all these Yuck expectations on men from the time they are little boys.

Car ads seem to prey on this expectation for men. I hate this. There is one now that says something along the lines of "Some men are given their crowns and some men take their crowns". Total absolute crap in my book. If your life is about crowns, cars, speed and "taking" that is pretty sad.

Sorry bit of a rant here!

Hope the book is helpful to everyone reading it.

dandylion

Yes, Bekindalways....I do agree that we make life hard for boys in many ways......
It aint no picnic for women....but it isn't for men, either, in m y opinion.....

Bekindalways.....I wonder if you have been lusting for the "Dos Equis Man"?lmao

dandylion

schnappi99

Codependent No More showed me recovery was where I needed to be going, but it didn't close the deal for me. It was the How Alanon Works that showed me what I needed to be doing, and later it was the AA Big Book, 12-and-12 that blew my mind.

Bekindalways

Hmmm . . . off to look up the Dos Equis Man. I definitely need more lust in my life.

CodeJob

Good for you!

This book, the 12 steps, and my counselors/sponsor were truly the three legs of my recovery.

Sort of like a good Irish Catholic house used to have a cross, Jesus and JFK on the wall.