How do you reward yourself?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
How do you reward yourself?
Hi my friends. I'm 3 months and 17 days sober, and really starting to feel comfortable in sobriety again. I'm working hard on my sobriety, going to meetings and living in the steps of AAas best I can. I haven't a sponsor at the moment as she relapsed but I feel ok about that. I've got some very good friends who support me.
Thing is, I've turned to chocolate and sweet stuff as a way to reward myself. I need to stop doing this as its so unhealthy and I've put on loads of weight.
Today was a bit tricky at work and I had to have a really difficult conversation with someone. It went well and I was so relieved. On the way home I thought I needed a treat. Alcohol never crossed my mind...but I bought myself some chocolate and ate far too much...and now I feel guilty and a bit down.
What are some healthy ways you've found to celebrate? Care to share and rescue someone who is probably headed for diabetes!
Thing is, I've turned to chocolate and sweet stuff as a way to reward myself. I need to stop doing this as its so unhealthy and I've put on loads of weight.
Today was a bit tricky at work and I had to have a really difficult conversation with someone. It went well and I was so relieved. On the way home I thought I needed a treat. Alcohol never crossed my mind...but I bought myself some chocolate and ate far too much...and now I feel guilty and a bit down.
What are some healthy ways you've found to celebrate? Care to share and rescue someone who is probably headed for diabetes!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I consider sugar a substance, not a food. That doesn't mean I don't love it but I get addicted to it, it does 'alter' my mood, causes a hangover and regret. So I try to look at it that way. It is incredibly common for alcoholics to turn to sugar when they quit drinking, including me 
But I know from years of experience that sugar increases my cravings...not just for more sugar, but for alcohol. So ultimately I have to be really careful. I have heard another refer to it as a gateway drug (ex children that eat tons of sugar) and that really made sense to me.
I'm not sure I'm a huge 'rewards' based person. But I am a 'I can't cope with this feeling' type person. So its coping skills that I need, rather than rewards. Maybe when feeling down, a nice massage, pedicure, new stuff from Sephora (yay), new summer shoes? Coping with food is super common so you're not alone. But I believe it just continues addiction based thinking. But when all else fails, better some sweeties than alcohol!!!
But I know from years of experience that sugar increases my cravings...not just for more sugar, but for alcohol. So ultimately I have to be really careful. I have heard another refer to it as a gateway drug (ex children that eat tons of sugar) and that really made sense to me.I'm not sure I'm a huge 'rewards' based person. But I am a 'I can't cope with this feeling' type person. So its coping skills that I need, rather than rewards. Maybe when feeling down, a nice massage, pedicure, new stuff from Sephora (yay), new summer shoes? Coping with food is super common so you're not alone. But I believe it just continues addiction based thinking. But when all else fails, better some sweeties than alcohol!!!
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Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by Jeni26 
Today was a bit tricky at work and I had to have a really difficult conversation with someone. It went well and I was so relieved.
I used drugs and alcohol as a reward, a component of celebration. So when I got clean and sober I had to rethink the whole "reward" mentality. Not everything needs a drink, or chocolate.
Not to say you can never celebrate or treat yourself to something. But your "Go To" reward is falling into a pattern that is troubling you. So something needs to change. What you reward yourself with, or what ranks a reward.
Good luck. And congrats on 3 months and 17 days. Pat yourself on your back!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,987
Hi Jeni, well done on over three months!
I neglected my skin when I was drinking. As a reward, I now buy the more expensive face creams, seeing I'm not wasting money on alcohol!
I also love to have a pedicure on occasion, as a special reward.
I neglected my skin when I was drinking. As a reward, I now buy the more expensive face creams, seeing I'm not wasting money on alcohol!
I also love to have a pedicure on occasion, as a special reward.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
I consider sugar a substance, not a food. That doesn't mean I don't love it but I get addicted to it, it does 'alter' my mood, causes a hangover and regret. So I try to look at it that way. It is incredibly common for alcoholics to turn to sugar when they quit drinking, including me But I know from years of experience that sugar increases my cravings...not just for more sugar, but for alcohol. So ultimately I have to be really careful. I have heard another refer to it as a gateway drug (ex children that eat tons of sugar) and that really made sense to me.
I'm not sure I'm a huge 'rewards' based person. But I am a 'I can't cope with this feeling' type person. So its coping skills that I need, rather than rewards. Maybe when feeling down, a nice massage, pedicure, new stuff from Sephora (yay), new summer shoes? Coping with food is super common so you're not alone. But I believe it just continues addiction based thinking. But when all else fails, better some sweeties than alcohol!!!
But I know from years of experience that sugar increases my cravings...not just for more sugar, but for alcohol. So ultimately I have to be really careful. I have heard another refer to it as a gateway drug (ex children that eat tons of sugar) and that really made sense to me.I'm not sure I'm a huge 'rewards' based person. But I am a 'I can't cope with this feeling' type person. So its coping skills that I need, rather than rewards. Maybe when feeling down, a nice massage, pedicure, new stuff from Sephora (yay), new summer shoes? Coping with food is super common so you're not alone. But I believe it just continues addiction based thinking. But when all else fails, better some sweeties than alcohol!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Why wasn't that enough? The simple joy of having something go easier or better than expected. Why the need to "treat yourself" to something good?
I used drugs and alcohol as a reward, a component of celebration. So when I got clean and sober I had to rethink the whole "reward" mentality. Not everything needs a drink, or chocolate.
Not to say you can never celebrate or treat yourself to something. But your "Go To" reward is falling into a pattern that is troubling you. So something needs to change. What you reward yourself with, or what ranks a reward.
Good luck. And congrats on 3 months and 17 days. Pat yourself on your back!
I used drugs and alcohol as a reward, a component of celebration. So when I got clean and sober I had to rethink the whole "reward" mentality. Not everything needs a drink, or chocolate.
Not to say you can never celebrate or treat yourself to something. But your "Go To" reward is falling into a pattern that is troubling you. So something needs to change. What you reward yourself with, or what ranks a reward.
Good luck. And congrats on 3 months and 17 days. Pat yourself on your back!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Maybe I can't have just (one) ???
Originally Posted by Jeni26
What are some healthy ways you've found to celebrate?
I always feel and think better after a little exercise.
And believe it or not, it is rewarding.
Then maybe (one) chocolate.
Just one -- admitted -- my wife is much better with one only thing.
Enjoy -- you are sober today.
MB
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Why wasn't that enough? The simple joy of having something go easier or better than expected. Why the need to "treat yourself" to something good?
I used drugs and alcohol as a reward, a component of celebration. So when I got clean and sober I had to rethink the whole "reward" mentality. Not everything needs a drink, or chocolate.
Not to say you can never celebrate or treat yourself to something. But your "Go To" reward is falling into a pattern that is troubling you. So something needs to change. What you reward yourself with, or what ranks a reward.
Good luck. And congrats on 3 months and 17 days. Pat yourself on your back!
I used drugs and alcohol as a reward, a component of celebration. So when I got clean and sober I had to rethink the whole "reward" mentality. Not everything needs a drink, or chocolate.
Not to say you can never celebrate or treat yourself to something. But your "Go To" reward is falling into a pattern that is troubling you. So something needs to change. What you reward yourself with, or what ranks a reward.
Good luck. And congrats on 3 months and 17 days. Pat yourself on your back!
I like to treat myself with something once in a while (new earrings or scrapbook supplies, a new book, sometimes something yummy to eat
) but I don't know that I look at these as rewards for something I have done. Not that a reward never has its place.Sometimes, just the satisfaction of knowing I did the right thing or made a good choice suffices.
I know you have worked really hard to be where you are. Well done on 3 months and 17 days!! Your commitment to living in recovery is a beautiful thing to behold. That in itself is something to be very proud of
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
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I completely understand Jeni. The food industry is very smart...they know. Add sugar, crave food, increase sales. Its pretty terrible actually but that's another discussion. I try to stay away from anything that is processed or has more than 1 ingredient...so in other words, whole foods only. The less sugar I eat, the less I crave it. Sounds familiar huh?
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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“It's not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It's the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is good stuff.” -- Fred Rogers
SoberP's tag line is very appropriate for this thread.
And I think doggonecarls post is wise.
While we are growing our internal reward system/self respect...a fair number of external tangible rewards may be needed to bridge that gap. Sometimes a tangible reward is a big step (maybe preliminary) toward caring for and respecting ourselves. Me, I am only day 2 = PSA and ymmv.
SoberP's tag line is very appropriate for this thread.
And I think doggonecarls post is wise.
While we are growing our internal reward system/self respect...a fair number of external tangible rewards may be needed to bridge that gap. Sometimes a tangible reward is a big step (maybe preliminary) toward caring for and respecting ourselves. Me, I am only day 2 = PSA and ymmv.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
there is a big difference between reward and celebration.
i don't know what i'd reward myself for...or maybe it's more true to say that i question the reward-frame-of-reference.
staying sober doesn't need a reward; it itself is the reward of doing other stuff.
i do occasionally get that niggling "want something, gottahavesomething", and i use those moments to look at why, first of all, i'm not 'okay' in that moment and then secondly i try to get a sense of what it is that i really need, if anything. often, it's nothing. i have no real 'need', just a knee-jerk reaction. give baby its soother, i can sometimes say and laugh.
but it's no laughing matter.
(chocolate? i have some very good chocolate every day. for the most part, that takes care of the running-to-chocolate i did in my earlier days. )
congratulations on your months, Jeni, and it's early days. some of the "need-something/anything needs" get weaker over time. with others, being specific about what you need might help. yet others, you might just be stuck with for a bit.
that was a real revelation for me: if i just sat with it in the moment, it was survivable without "something". who knew???
i don't know what i'd reward myself for...or maybe it's more true to say that i question the reward-frame-of-reference.
staying sober doesn't need a reward; it itself is the reward of doing other stuff.
i do occasionally get that niggling "want something, gottahavesomething", and i use those moments to look at why, first of all, i'm not 'okay' in that moment and then secondly i try to get a sense of what it is that i really need, if anything. often, it's nothing. i have no real 'need', just a knee-jerk reaction. give baby its soother, i can sometimes say and laugh.
but it's no laughing matter.
(chocolate? i have some very good chocolate every day. for the most part, that takes care of the running-to-chocolate i did in my earlier days. )
congratulations on your months, Jeni, and it's early days. some of the "need-something/anything needs" get weaker over time. with others, being specific about what you need might help. yet others, you might just be stuck with for a bit.
that was a real revelation for me: if i just sat with it in the moment, it was survivable without "something". who knew???
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
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Jen, at 3 months I was all about rewards and pats on the back...I needed them to help propel me forward and support me.
Ice cream was a huge part of my life and remained my go-to for about a year. I should have bought shares in Ben and Jerry's
Now, I don't really have any rewards, when alcohol became my default to living, good, bad, happy sad, everything was messed up and I answered everything with "I can't wait to have/get a drink" and did.
I am extremely grateful for the good aspects of my life and when I have a good day or did well I am glad that the day went well.
I guess, my default really is becoming life on life's terms...
P.S, I love a cup of tea!
Ice cream was a huge part of my life and remained my go-to for about a year. I should have bought shares in Ben and Jerry's
Now, I don't really have any rewards, when alcohol became my default to living, good, bad, happy sad, everything was messed up and I answered everything with "I can't wait to have/get a drink" and did.
I am extremely grateful for the good aspects of my life and when I have a good day or did well I am glad that the day went well.
I guess, my default really is becoming life on life's terms...
P.S, I love a cup of tea!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I celebrate most anything by walking my dogs. The fresh air and exercise and sunshine is good for all of us. I like watching them just 'being dogs'. Sniffing and looking around. I don't feel like it's been a good day unless I get at least one dog walk in.
The fresh air and exercise and sunshine is good for all of us. I like watching them just 'being dogs'. Sniffing and looking around. I don't feel like it's been a good day unless I get at least one dog walk in. Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I get little rewards every day. Having conversations with people is a big one, since I avoided people at all costs when I was drinking. And it dawned on me the other day that I can't remember the last time I got angry. I still get irritated over stupid stuff, but I recognize it and get over it quickly instead of letting it ruin my day.
I also do more stuff like going to a movie or a ballgame. I'm always looking for new things to do. Right now, I'm trying to find concerts or festivals this summer. I figure; what's the point of being sober if your always bored (and we all know where boredom leads to).
And like others have said, I always have something sweet around my house. Having a blueberry muffin right now. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. John
I also do more stuff like going to a movie or a ballgame. I'm always looking for new things to do. Right now, I'm trying to find concerts or festivals this summer. I figure; what's the point of being sober if your always bored (and we all know where boredom leads to).
And like others have said, I always have something sweet around my house. Having a blueberry muffin right now. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. John
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