Razorblade66

Had a day of binge drinking Sunday. Got wasted, my 13 year old knew it. Yesterday I spent the day throwing up and on the couch. Missed work.

I don't drink everyday. More like once or twice a week. 90% of the time it will be a binge. I eat healthy, work out and then I'll mess it all up by drinking too much and feel like I have to start at day one.

I am ready to quit feeling like a piece of crap. The guilt, missed work and depression isn't worth a few hours of numbness.

The catch: My boyfriend lives with me. He is an alcoholic. I know he would respect me not drinking, and I don't want it in the house. I haven't talked with him about it because I don't want to think about him. Ultimately I feel like it will be the end of our relationship and I'm ok with that. If he wants to drink that is fine with me...but I don't want it in my life.

I will have a tough time as summer is approaching. I need support. I am going to go to a meeting tomorrow. I've been sober in the past (4months) and then felt isolated. I need to give it another go. It's a fight for my life. I want to live and be aware. I want my son to never see me drink again.

Help.

RainyDay107

Hi, and welcome. I am fortunate that my boyfriend doesn't drink. Having alcohol around makes it harder for me, such as when I am at my stepdad's (heavy drinker). I have a teenager, too.

How are you feeling today? I hope your hangover is gone. Take care.

madgirl

I am ready to quit feeling like a piece of crap -The catch: My boyfriend lives with me. He is an alcoholic.

My husband and I drank together for a long time. I used our relationship and the fact that he bought alcohol and put it in the refrigerator or cupboards as a reason that I couldn't quit - in fact I even moved out for awhile last summer, which made him mad and he told me that I'd never get sober on my own.

Well out of stubbornness I decided I would get sober, because really it is always a CHOICE regardless if the booze is in the house, down the street, wherever. So I am making a choice one day at a time to be sober - and you can too.

Sounds like you'd be ready to move on, relationship wise but I just wanted to encourage you not to wait until you perceive optimum conditions to not drink. The truth is - you can do it right now, today.

Razorblade66

Thank you. I am feeling better physically, but feel very guilty.
I made a healthy lunch and off to work. I'm working on today. My mind races on the future. I want to fix everything right away, and I know I cannot.

I am waking up, and I fear being aware may be a lonely road for a while.

Ruby2

Don't think too far ahead. It's good staying in today. Remind yourself that you can't fix everything right away. I always forget that and want it done NOW but that isn't possible.

My husband and I are both alcoholics. I was a daily drinker, he was a binge drinker. I quit two and a half years ago while husband, if he's being truthful, now has 90 days. It is hard when the other person is drinking but it does all come down to a choice. You can do this.

I'd suggest that you think as far ahead as this weekend and what you can do to head off temptation. What plans do you have? In the beginning I started attending an AA beginners meeting on Friday night at what would usually be happy hour. I also came on SR and posted and read a lot.

ccam1973

Welcome RB66. You absolutely can do this. Like the other's have said, quitting with alcohol in the house or while SO still drinks is tough but doable. I quit while my wife still drank / drinks. That was 22 months ago and I couldn't be happier. It is definitely an adjustment for both of you, but an adjustment that is worth making.

Don't look too far into the future, just concentrate on not drinking today. Make sure you have a plan for when you feel like drinking or are tempted. Hang in there, you never have to feel the "day one blues" again.

AdelineRose

I think it is definitely time to make a plan if you truly feel ready to get off the rollercoaster for good! Finding a doctor you can be honest with, a psychiatrist that can help with depression, anxiety, and insomnia if it becomes a problem or you start to isolate again, and a counselor are all important tools to avail yourself up if you are able too.

I know you might want to avoid having to have the conversation with your boyfriend, but the sooner you get everything out in the open and make a plan for recovery the better things will go. Also, you can't expect there to be no alcohol in your house if you haven't set the boundary of an alcohol free home. Relationships can complicate things if both parties aren't on the same page, but it seems from your post that you are willing to end the relationship if needed and therefore, dragging it out won't change what the outcome will be. Good for you for deciding to put your sobriety and recovery above all else. That is one big step in the right direction.

You can do it! NEVER stop fighting because you are worth it!

entropy1964

Welcome Razor! You sound like you're really ready. And I respect that you see that your relationship might have to end in order for you to save yourself. That isn't easy to do.

13 is a big age for a kid. It can be a crossroads. Your being sober will be enormous for him I'm sure. Of course, do it for you....because that's how it sticks. But your kiddo will benefit immeasurably.

Good luck and stay close.

Dee74

Welcome aboard razorblade - you'll find a ton of support here

D

Soberwolf

Welcome RB

Razorblade66

Thank you everyone so much! I like that I won't have the day one blues again!!! That's really important to remember. Today I'm going to the gym, and heading to a meeting in my area. My boyfriends' family is having a surprise bday party for his sister on Saturday. Booze will be there. Thankfully they live far from where we live, and normally I would spent the night so I could drink, but I'm going to drive home. One thing I don't do is drink and drive.

I'm going to tell my bf. I just want a couple meetings under my belt first.

No more hangovers, no more missing work, no more excuses. I have officially run out of acceptable reasons to drink. This is day 3. Thankful for it.

Thanks again everyone. Really your words of encouragement are vital right now. 🙏🏽

LostManhattan

Maybe you could rethink about going to the party? Sounds dangerous to me.

Razorblade66

You def have a point. I'm not sure how to get out of it.

tootiesdad

I'm with you 100% on this Razorblade66.
I was in bad shape Sunday and realized that it was time for me to embrace sobriety again. We're all in this together...

Dee74

Maybe it's time to tell your bf now, not later?
saying no is a skill most of us have to learn - it's hard but it will help keep you sober

Razorblade66

I went to a meeting today. First one in a long time. I didn't share. I will see him later on this week and I'll tell him. I don't think he will take me seriously, as I have said in the past I want to cut down, etc. I don't care if he does or not. He def has a problem with alcohol, but I can't take that on. I just want a couple of meetings under my belt before I tell him.

i think it will take a while to find a group I feel like I fit with. Today was a much older crowd. Of course they were really nice, but I feel like they def hit some crazy rock bottom (which believe me I don't think I'm immune to hitting that myself one day) and I want to quit before I hit it. I hope that makes sense. Either way I'm glad I went. I didn't share, but it was good to listen.

jseattle

Welcome. I am 30 days sober. It feels like a lifetime. Telling my husband was terrifying but such a relief. Letting go of the shame has been uplifting. I asked my husband to get alcohol out of the house but didn't demand that he quit. I knew I had to quit for me (and my kids - 14 and 17).

I am in an intensive outpatient program (down to 3 times a week), which has been hugely helpful. It includes a psychiatrist to help with medications and lots of peer support. AA for me is hit or miss but it provides that support. Getting sober alone is very very hard. The first week is hard but there are surprise waves of cravings that seem unending.

I have met a lot of addicts over the past month and we have more in common than we have difference. Shame, a sense of a double life, embarrassment, secrets, obsession, and loss.

Do whatever you need to do but you can do it.

least

Welcome! I hope the support here can help you get sober for good.

Hevyn

We're so glad to have you with us, Razorblade. Life will be so much better without the constant anxiety drinking gives us. We think we're helping ourselves cope, but the opposite happens. You're on your way.

Delilah1

Welcome Razorblade! You will find lots of support on SR.:-)