Ktmbuurger570

Again my SO got me to a place where I fell off. I felt so good. She drives me crazy. She left 4 months ago but won't let me go financially or emotionally.
I didn't talk to her all weekend and I didn't drink. Today she stood me up for a financial agreement. I break.... Again.

MagillaGorilla

Be strong you can do this.

Dee74

I think you need to rephrase that Kt.

Your inability to deal with your SO in a healthy way got you to a place where you drank/fell off.

I'm not trying to beat you up - but reframing things as your problem/your responsibility means you can do something about that?

D

Jillian2563

You can't change other peoples actions, but you can change yours.

Thumpalumpacus

Sorry to add in on it, but a big part of my recovery is owning responsibility for my own behavior.

Whatever's in the house, pour it out, and climb back on the horse.

least

As long as you want to drink more than you want to be sober, you will drink. When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you will stay sober. Not easy, but simple and true.

soberaccountant

3 days and fell off? Get up, brush yourself off, and try again. Sobriety is about progress, not perfection. If you expect to be perfect then you will fail.

As for your significant other, you say she won't let you go emotionally or financially? I have a feeling that you're not letting her go emotionally or financially. If that person is driving you to this point, you need to make the move to cut them off completely.

My ex nearly destroyed me emotionally until I let them go. It wasn't until I realized I was allowing them to hurt me and that I was the enabler that things started to get better for me.

Anna

It's hard to accept responsibility, but blaming others won't help you stay sober. You can learn healthy ways to deal with your SO that won't lead you to drinking.

Thumpalumpacus

That's right: do not embrace your problems.

Jsbodhi

Keep going fellow Canadian!

Ktmbuurger570

Thanks everyone.
I'm here because I need someone to hear me. Hopefully someone can understand. My personal life has been in turmoil and just when I think it is over there is another curveball. I sat on the side of the road today, reading text messages from her and I broke and went to the store.
Bought just enough that I knew would take the pain away. Not enough to lose it. Any amount is too much.
Thanks again

Dee74

In the long term tho we have to learn to face pain or deal with it in healthy ways - do you see that Kt?

Not drunk or not, there's got to be a better solution than drinking, or you'll be stuck in a loop?

D

Hevyn

Ktm - I used to think getting numb was a way to cope & calm myself down. It does just the opposite. We feel easier for a short time, then the anxiety comes back, usually much worse than before. Plus we feel bad about relapsing - which just adds to our misery. It took me a while to get this.

I'm sorry for what you're going through - but you need a clear head to deal with this situation. Don't sabotage yourself - alcohol never helps. We know you can do this.

Ktmbuurger570

Thanks everyone.
I am trying so hard to do the right thing. Emotions are a crazy thing. I felt so great this morning about day three. I guess I can look forward to the feelings of another day three?

Ktmbuurger570

To Sobberaccoutant: that's the problem. I am trying to let her go financially and emotionally. It's all on her to let it go. That's the hard part. She will not just let me go. I am doing everything I can to end it as she has her own problems that do nothing that help me with my own.

Delilah1

I often need to remind myself that I cannot control other people's actions, but I can control my reaction to them. Is there a reason you still need to have her number in your phone? You may want to think about blocking her.

It is great that you came right back on here, I hope today was a good Day one for you.

Thumpalumpacus

I beg to differ. You have it in your power to say goodbye, the question is, do you have the wherewithal?

Unless she has legal hooks in you, you need to set firm boundaries and abide by them. Your sobriety is more important than anything else, including your relationship with her.

AnvilheadII

you do not have to read and respond to all of her texts. consider it spam. delete and move on.

Ktmbuurger570

She has legal hooks.
She won't let me go. I need her to let me go.

Ktmbuurger570

As soon as the legal garbage is over I will feel free.