Wtbaf16

So, here I am again. I tried quitting three years ago and managed to stay off the booze for about three months. Since then I have hit the stuff harder than ever before. Each day I wake up saying today will be the day I get serious about quitting, then the slightest bit of stress, joy, anything really and I start drinking. Last night out with my friends and family I was so drunk I fell down, damaged my arm and both legs. I was totally humiliated and cannot imagine what my daughter thinks. I'd be devastated if my mother behaved like that in public (or private). There is no reason for me to drink, I have a good life, good job, all those things but I just cannot get through a day without getting blasted . I'm so disgusted at myself but not disgusted enough to get my act together. I want to quit before that dreaded day when my daughter fully realizes what her mother is. That day will kill me, when she finds out I'm just a drunken slob. Just seriously messed up at the moment but I am reaching out to this forum in the hope that this time, I am serious.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Come here often, and join the May 2016 sobriety group in the Newcomers Daily Support Thread. That's a good start and this place is available 24/7.

Also, I would suggest trying AA for face to face support. I'm not a huge AA guy, but the combination of this website and AA got me sober over 6 years ago. That's what worked for me, maybe it will work for you.

madgirl

How did you manage the three months? One day at a time?

advbike

I suggest AA. And avoiding situations for a while that are opportunities to drink. Out with friends and family sounds like a party to me, at least in early sobriety. A perfect excuse to drink. No one can just quit without removing the triggers first. This isn't just about willpower.

You might also take a look at your thinking patterns. Something is going on that makes you want to get loaded, whether you realize it or not. Anxiety, anger, shame.. are some of the common ones. What's really going on in your life?

Wtbaf16

One day at a time and I felt terrific. But I somehow got off track and just done seem to be able to get there again. It all seems so hopeless really but each day I try again. I came back to this sight as it was instrumental in keeping me on track -even for just 3 months.

Dee74

Welcome aboard wtbaf

Making a plan is a great start

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D

Anna

Welcome back, and use the shame you are feeling now to move you forward on this recovery journey. You can do this!

Delilah1

Welcome back! I came back on January 1st after several failed attempts at sobriety and then moderation. SR, especially the January class have been my biggest supports.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!!!

leviathan

Is professional help an option? Sounds like you want to fix it before your daughter gets older.

Mags1

Hi and welcome Wtbaf. I we've all been there, regrets from drinking then wondering why we, as good, normal people could behave like that!

Stopping drinking was the best thing I did, the second best thing was having a plan so it would not definitely happen again.

I had decided that I do not drink anymore, now I had to learn how to do that! That's where recovery comes in. Dee put a good link in above to help.

I kept close to SR the first few months, I still do but mainly because I've found my corner here and it's like home to me.

All the best and remember it's just one day at a time.

samwitch

Similar to my story as well, I'm back after 3 yrs. let's do it for good this time.

least

I hope you can make this your successful attempt at sobriety.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you

ccam1973

Welcome Wtbaf. How are you doing today. It is crucial to have a plan. I woke up for the last 10 years of my drinking days fully convinced I was quitting that day. I never made it through the day without drinking, not one single day.

Make a plan, analyze what you want to get out of your tomorrow and start by not drinking today. Play your life forward in your mind, I bet you aren't dreaming of waking up hungover tomorrow morning.

You can do this, but you've got to be strong and accept that drinking has no part being in your life.

Welcome aboard.

aNewEternity

hey Wtbaf, wish you the best.

I noticed you live in the DC area. there are active face-to-face SMART Recovery meetings in the DC area. SMART Recovery is an abstinence-based program based on Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy.

here is the local DC website.

Capital SMART

frankster

When I drink my young daughter goes upstairs to her room and basically hides. I convinced myself for awhile that this was not a big deal. Then I read about emotional abuse and that getting wasted in front of our children is a form of emotional abuse. It broke my heart and I felt like the lowest piece of **** on earth. I'm not ashamed to be an alcoholic but I'm sure ashamed of my drinking.

D122y

My balance started to get progressively worse each time i drank. I fell 2 times, hard as heck, in the years before i quit.

I started to get worried i had a brain tumor. No....just an alky.

I still worry about my balance way too much. Confidence was shaken.

Wtbaf16

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and supportive words. This is day three for me and I'm feeling good. I'm still bruised from my fall and totally humiliated about it but still determined to stay away from the booze. My daughter deserves a better mother than she's had in the last 10 years and my husband doesn't need to see his wife trashed repeatedly. I won't lie, I'm not looking forward to the weekend when the witching hour comes around. Let's hope I can get through it!

Wtbaf16

This really resonates with me Frankster. This is exactly what I am doing to my daughter. I feel so disgusted with myself.

Razorblade66

I too feel awful for being drunk in front of my 13 year old. I'm using it as my fuel to battle my AV. I'm terrified he will follow in my footsteps. If anything I am imagining myself having a sit down with him and explaining what my disease is...then telling him how much better life is now that I've kicked it's ass. I'm only 3 days in.....I am working on my plan as well, but it's just a thought I wanted to share with you. Let's do this!