Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > New to Addiction and Recovery? > Newcomers to Recovery
Reload this Page >

How many rock bottoms before you say to yourself "this is it!"



Notices

How many rock bottoms before you say to yourself "this is it!"

Old 05-15-2016, 12:20 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: St. Paul, mn
Posts: 4
How many rock bottoms before you say to yourself "this is it!"

I am happy I found this site again. I posted once in 2010, divulging how sick and tired I was of alcohol and my desire to stop back then. I'm sure I probably did stop for a couple weeks or so in 2010, but never stayed sober, but have never been sober longer than 12 weeks since. Fast forward 6 years and a week ago I found myself in jail for 5 days for a dwi. This was one of many "rock bottoms" I have declared since 2010. I completed a 28 day program which i failed a week out. I was admitted to a psychiatric ward twice for saying I wanted to kill myself (while drunk). I never really wanted to kill myself, I just didn't want to be alive living the way I was living. I recently admitted myself to the hospital while experiencing major withdrawal symptoms and had a seizure 2 blocks from the hospital (thankfully my husband was driving). My health is deteriorating, I am 42, but feel like I am 60. I have been drinking for 20 years with each year progressing, most recently drinking almost a 750 liter bottle of vodka per day. I have never been to jail before and I have to make this my final rock bottom! I have never in my life been more scared, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, and regretful. Being confined to a tiny jail cell for 22 hours a day really puts life in perspective. I could have killed somebody-what was I thinking driving??? Why do I continue to do this to my family and loved ones. I am sick of myself. Why am I getting so many chances?? Over the years I have put myself in compromising positions where I should have died due to alcohol poisoning, drunk driving, making poor choices, hanging out with shady people, mixing drugs with alcohol, and the list goes on and on. Maybe the universe gives you so many chances, mine are up. Please pray for me and my road to recovery.
Falkie is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 12:44 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: St. Paul, mn
Posts: 4
I likely put this post in the wrong forum, sorry. I will say though I am grateful that I hit my last rock bottom.
Falkie is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 04:13 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,937
I moved your post for you Falkie

I found I went as low as I could...until I decided to stop digging...y'know?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:08 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
waywardson8260's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
I lost count. But I've already had my last one.
waywardson8260 is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:16 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
At the end I was up to 750 ml of vodka a day and my life was falling apart. My relationships, my health, my sanity, and career was about to implode. I had avoided jail and death only by the grace of God. Like you i had a failed rehab as well,

My bottom came when i withdrew at work and had to be taken to the hospital. The next day I was drinking again and my wife had had it.

Even I knew things could not continue as they were. That day was the last day I drank. Here are the steps I took and 6+ years down the road it sure looks like they worked.
  1. Admitted to myself that if I did not stop drinking I was going to die and destroy everything I loved and cherished
  2. Admitted to love ones I had a serious problem
  3. When to a doctor for a health assessment
  4. Went to IOP for 3 month
  5. Went to AA 6 times weekly for a year
  6. Got a sponsor
  7. Worked the steps
  8. Developed a social network of sober friends
  9. Did what people with long term sobriety did

Today I go to 3 AA meetings a week, have a rich life that alcohol is not a part of, and post on SR.

Sobriety is about action. It is about what we do that makes all the difference
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:29 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Craig
 
gallen37's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: NY
Posts: 18
Don't get discouraged! Sometimes it takes a lot before we really want to quit. This disease is messed up and it twists our minds around.

I was in the ER because of drinking and told myself that was my rock bottom. Then I did it 4 more times. Two times were in the same day.

Everyone is different. Why did it take so much pain for me to understand such a simple concept? I try not to dwell on it too much, but keep those memories in the back of my mind.

I've been trying to recover for a few years now. I finally got myself to an outpatient treatment and regular AA meetings. Until then I was going through the motions of quitting, but not actually quitting. I'd sit in the back of an AA meeting but not really be there.

Find a program. Find something that works for you. One person at a meeting said something along the lines "I finally put as much effort into recovery as I did drinking, and it is working!"

Put in the effort to quit and you'll be amazed.
gallen37 is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:31 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Falkie. The short answer to your question is that it ends whenever you choose to quit for good. Consequences or "bottoms" might persuade you to quit, but at the end of the day only you can make the choice to do so. Of course the ultimate bottom is death, and people do unfortunately die from alcohol related causes. Car accidents, severe withdrawals, liver and organ failure, they all happen and more often than you might think.

I personally had a lot of the same issues you do and by coincidence I was also 42 when I quit for good. We see people quit in their 50s, 60s, 70a and even beyond so don't think it's too late. Your drinking and your effort to continue are extreme, so that means your efforts to recover will need to be equally extreme. Meetings, rehab, counseling, don't rule anything out. And don't forget SR is always here too.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 05:57 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Mini Novel Post Writer
 
LadyBlue0527's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi Falkie, I'm so glad that you're here.

I'm somewhat in the same situation that you are. Someday I'll tell the whole story on this board but there was a point where I said to myself what is it going to take for me to find out?

The better question is do you really want to do what it is to find out the answer to that question?

Trust me, you don't. The best way I can describe my life right now is if you think of an extreme nightmare that you had and when you woke up and realized it was just a dream. You either heaved a huge sigh of relief or you cried with relief that it was just a dream. Well, that's where I am and I don't get the luxury of waking up. I have to go through some serious stuff over the coming months. This is reality. I went in search of that answer and it found me.

My thoughts are with you in recovery. I did get sober for a while and went out in search of that new, deeper, darker rock bottom. I found it.

How did I go back out? I allowed myself to justify why it was ok for me to drink again using excuses.

More importantly, I walked away from every tool that I had in my sobriety toolbelt. Not all at once but a little at a time. My posts here got infrequent. I stopped going to meetings. I neglected staying in contact with my sponsor. ALL of those things led be back down the wrong path. Be mindful and aware when you start walking away from the things that help you stay sober. It's one of the best warning signs there are.

You're right, you could have killed someone. Your chances are dwindling and time is running out. Put the dice away and refuse to roll because eventually your number will come up. Mine did. Thankfully I didn't kill anyone but I definitely almost got there.

I credit SR for being one of the hugest factors that kept me sober. Come here often, keep posting. You can do this, let this be the beginning for you. The true beginning.
LadyBlue0527 is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 06:09 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Meraviglioso's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Falkie, I was the same way, I couldn't break out of the destructive cycle but I felt that my chances were nearly up. Each time I escaped unscathed I though to myself that I would unlikely survive the next time. I do feel I got out just in time. For me it was going to a really solid rehab. I see that you have tired that, but can you try again? What about AA? Other meetings? How about finding a psychologist that specialises in addiction, one that can also hook you up with a psychiatrist who might be able to prescribe medications to help you with cravings to get you started? Definitely stick close to here also, as often as you are able, this site has saved me many times audit can save you too.
Meraviglioso is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 06:25 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
NA Member - Atheist
 
IvanMike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
There is a trap door in every bottom.

It's enough when you say it is.

MIRecovery pretty much nailed it.

where you are is either the best time in your life, a turning point where you change direction towards an unbelievable new life, or...it's just another bottom.

The choice is up to you.

The good news is you don't have to do it alone.
IvanMike is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 06:26 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
bigsombrero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hi Falkie - I am a Minnesota native and spent 18 years in Minneapolis. I went to a 28-day treatment center at Fairview (U of M) about 4 years ago and luckily my experience there gave me some great tools to stay sober for good.

It's not the treatment that got me sober, though. It wasn't willpower, either. It was my own wishes to STOP walking through life in a haze! I was not going to let my problem with alcohol dominate and define my life. It was going to be just a chapter in my story, not the main theme.

You are better than this! DUI? Jail? That's not you! There is so much more out there. But you have to realize that if you continue to drink, it will only get worse. And it can get worse. You should be very afraid of what will happen if you continue drinking. But also hopeful about what can happen if you stop! You CAN go up from here, but you've gotta make that choice. Welcome back and keep posting, you've gotta break this cycle and find yourself amidst this chaos.
bigsombrero is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 06:38 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Falkie View Post
...Why am I getting so many chances?? .

You`ve simply been lucky but such luck eventually runs out.

I fell down a flight of stairs maybe 4, 5 times while in a blackout but outside having to get stitched up there were no serious injuries. Maybe the next time I would have broken my neck.

Passed out several times while cooking. Maybe the next time I might have started a fire.

Drove drunk more times than I care to remember and never got into an accident. Maybe the next time I would have.

My guess is if I had continued to drink I might have ended up like a friend I grew up with: Found dead in bed after choking on his own vomit.
Ken33xx is offline  
Old 05-15-2016, 06:54 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Falkie, fellow Minnesotan here, I think if you read through the responses here you will find a common theme. People got sober through the desire to quit, but also hard work and effort. Sadly there is no magic pill or trick. It is accomplished through sheer determination.
thomas11 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:32 AM.