beachygirl

Been awhile since I posted but after a wonderful 20 yr marriage, my now ex ( divorced 5 yrs) decided to become a homeless meth addict. He walked away from me and our beautiful teen daughters.

Saddest part and what I struggle daily to grasp is how does one do that? Plus, he tells me he no longer loves me at all. Yes, we are divorced , but neither of us really did emotionally.

He still shows up at our home and even still uses the address as his. How can I still be his emergency contact and next of kin if I'm such an evil shrew, as he wants to believe???

Has anyone experienced this change of heart in their soulmate.? He now wants young chicks with rap sheets that are self proclaimed " shard whores".

Help....if possible, to make my heRt accept what my head knows!!!

Hawkeye13

Well, I think going No Contact might be a good way to detach emotionally
and not to have to hear such hurtful things.

I also would not let him use your address any longer--or show up at you home.
That will give you some time and space to heal beachy.

AnvilheadII

but neither of us really did emotionally

sorry, but after your divorce didn't you get involved with someone else? and that ended rather badly if i recall. and that was tough for you to get over.

you referred to the exBF as your BEST FRIEND and your exAH as your SOULMATE. perhaps you put them a bit too high on the pedestal?

zoso77

The problem is you're not viewing his behavior through the prism of drug addiction. Keep in mind you're not the only one he left; he also abandoned your daughters. What kind of man does such a thing? Easy: a man in active addiction does such a thing.

May I gently suggest it's not in your best interests to allow him to use your address as his own for reasons that I shouldn't have to explain.

Don't personalize what he's done or what he's doing. He's an addict, and this is what addicts do.

You're going to be OK. Trust me on this.

Seren

My stepson is an alcoholic, crack addict, and....well, whatever he can get his hands on. He is immature for a 30-something. He is very self-seeking. What I mean is that it is all about him. He uses in order to numb his pain instead of learning a healthy way to deal with it. His lack of maturity leads to a certain impulsiveness--and that is why he will also sleep with any woman who will have him just because he wants to. His impulsiveness and self-seeking personality result in damage to his relationships with family and friends.

Love, real love, is self-sacrificing. It is wanting what is best for the beloved. It is grace and forgiveness, patience and consideration. IMHO, active addiction is not conducive to real love.

I am so very sorry you and your precious daughters are going through this and hope that perhaps today dawned a little brighter.

Hechosedrugs

You need to get to the point where you stop wondering what he's thinking. No matter how hard you try, you will never get inside his head- and believe me, you wouldn't want to if you could. He is wrestling with some dark forces right now, or from what it sounds like, he's stopped fighting and let them take over. It's so hard for us to accept that the person we once loved is gone, because every now and then we see a glimmer of their old self. But it's just shapeshifting- the demons (or addiction- in my opinion, they're one and the same) have learned how to get what they need from us by imitating them. He's gone, and it's unlikely that he'll ever come back. It's possible, but unlikely. What is much more likely is that you will find true and lasting happiness. That is very possible. But not if you continue these behaviors. Treat your own addiction- codependency. It must be tackled with just as much force as would his own.

beachygirl

Thank u everyone. The really tricky part is I logically and rationally know this but my heart has been crushed! Not sure how to make him
Leave me alone, short of moving and that isn't fair. My family is here and I'm the one working.

I have seen him interact with so many folks and I am the only human he is mean and abusive to. He told me recently he hates me because I bring out the worst in him! That is what I don't get... I've always been there with no expectation of reciprocation. I've made sure our daughters were educated and protected; but I'm the bad guy that " he wasted his life with".

If he and the young lady ( alcoholic and addict) are ever sober together would they make it? He declared he is in love with her and wants to impregnate her. OMG

Seren

Does your ex have his own place to stay? If not, can he obtain a PO Box where his mail may be forwarded? Perhaps peace of mind would come for you if you limited any contact and conversations you have with him to the topic of your children. That way, he wouldn't be telling you all about his new "love". Because believe me, whatever they have--you would probably be better off not knowing about it.

When my ex-husband (still married at that time) wanted to talk to me about how wonderful his girlfriend was, I first felt obliged in some strange way to listen. Then I realized that I didn't have to listen to any of that. It had nothing to do with me! So, was the topic about some unfinished business to do with shared belongings? If so, we could talk. If not, then we had nothing to talk about, and I didn't have to be on the receiving end of words that were designed specifically to hurt me. Was I perfect person? No. Did I deserve to be purposefully hurt? No.

Neither do you! I hope you will come to realize that soon

Please take good care of yourself and your lovely girls!