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Good news: I'm sober now, but...

Old 05-14-2016, 10:20 PM
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Good news: I'm sober now, but...

Hey there,

I'm proud to write that over the last 6 months I've been consistently reducing the amount I drink to the point that I'm pretty much sober.

I was a mess. Going through a bottle of spirits a day, taking drugs on top of it all...

Occasionally, I enjoy a social drink . Though it takes a lot of will power to stop myself from going too far. So, I'll likely stop drinking entirely as the risks easily outweigh the benefits.

The hardest part of my sobriety is that:

- my two best friends were essentially drinking buddies... We're no longer in contact. So, it can be a little lonely, but I know it's for the best.

- The love of my life has moved on and re-partnered... I lost her as a direct result of my drinking. This is a bitter pill to swallow as I think about her everyday.

How do you live with the bridges you burned down during the times you were not sober?
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Old 05-14-2016, 10:34 PM
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That sounds incredibly painful. I lost a lot of things through my drinking but no important relationships (or rather, no relationships that were good for me) so I don't have direct experience. I know though for most of the painful things that I lost, it really comes down to two things... time passing numbs the pain, and time spent actively improving my life gives me things to replace those I lost. The two together have helped me get my happiness back. I say yes to pretty much any invitation I get, I go out of my way to try new things, I put myself in new social situations even when I feel like I'd rather sit home. Slowly it's worked.

Dunno, I hope that's helpful. It will get easier.... time takes time, as they say. But it does heal.
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Old 05-14-2016, 11:37 PM
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I don't know. The cliched short answer is that time heals all wounds. Well, not all by itself but time is component for sure. I got divorced a couple decades ago and my drinking was a huge factor. My method of dealing with it was denial for many years, followed by even more drinking. Neither tool was effective.

The longer is answer is time, work and growth. It's really hard to accept loss and to not dwell on it. It's harder still to use that loss to learn and grow. I wish there was a more helpful answer I could give. Right now the most productive thing to do is to work on your sobriety, to work on yourself.
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Old 05-15-2016, 01:50 AM
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Booze has taken a lot from my life as well including people that I believed at the time were friends but in hindsight they were drinking buddies and have been replaced with people that are truly there for me.

I counselor after a lot of sessions taught me how to forgive myself and that to me was the turning point and a critical step.

All the best
Andrew
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Old 05-15-2016, 03:34 AM
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I thought I could enjoy "the occasional social drink" too but that just kept the cycle going.

Quitting entirely for good has actually been much easier.

Welcome and glad you are feeling better!
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Old 05-15-2016, 09:06 AM
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Hi Nick,

Welcome to SR! I believe most of us on this site regret the impact drinking had on our relationships, and the one thing that can help repair those or build new relationships is time.

I tried being able to drink socially or just have one glass of wine many times, and each time it led me back to my old habits of drinking too much. It has been easier for me to take alcohol completely off the table, then attempt moderation.

Spend some time reading and posting on here, you will find lots of support and suggestions for a plan to beat help you in your journey.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
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Old 05-15-2016, 10:22 AM
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Hi Nick,

I am glad that you have been able to curtail your drinking habit from very unhealthy levels. I get what you mean about friends not being around anymore and losing loved ones, that's hard. I haven't really been seeing many of my friends around lately since I got in trouble. It is probably for the best because many days I am a miserable mess and would rather not be around people.

I am just 90 days into this, but I do agree that one day at a time, things eventually heal and get better. I am a little less of a wreck than where I was 90+ days ago. I still have my ups and downs, but I get by.

Focus on what you do have today. Today alcohol doesn't control your life, it sounds like you still have all your freedoms so be grateful for that too. Friends come and go in life, regardless if we drank with them or not. This is a season for you to find new people in your life. I encourage you to get active and be social in public, you never know who you will meet and eventually become friends witth.
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Old 05-15-2016, 10:25 AM
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Hi Nick,
Don't know if your working AA or not but the steps provides a process to deal with all the bridges we burned while we drinking including making amends to all those whom we have harmed. It sounds like a scary process but by the time I got to my amends I was well prepared and those on my list were very forgiving and grateful I was taking positive action on my drinking problem.
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Old 05-15-2016, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by NickOz21 View Post
How do you live with the bridges you burned down during the times you were not sober?
The reality is, you have to live with them, they are part of what makes who you are today. Hopefully you have learned from them and will no repeat those mistakes. Its hard though, I will grant you that. Keep your chin up, I wish you the best.
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Old 05-15-2016, 01:00 PM
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[QUOTE=NickOz21;5953134]
Occasionally, I enjoy a social drink . Though it takes a lot of will power to stop myself from going too far. So, I'll likely stop drinking entirely as the risks easily outweigh the benefits./QUOTE]

Great job on the sobriety. The occasional social drink is a very difficult thing to master if you had reason enough to join this forum.
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Old 05-15-2016, 01:07 PM
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How do you live with the bridges you burned down during the times you were not sober?

quit drinking FOR GOOD aka put down the gasoline and matches.

i'm sorry that some people you care about are no longer IN your life. that always hurts. and they leave voids. hopefully new people will come along and become part of your story going forward.

and "re-partnered" - LOL - i'd never heard it put that was before. i'd only heard of Reduce, Re-use, Recycle and Repurpose.
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Old 05-15-2016, 01:11 PM
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Acceptance. You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Try going to AA and working the steps. That may help you.
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Old 05-15-2016, 04:15 PM
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To be honest I wasn't able to come to terms with anything while I was still drinking, at any amount.

Alcohol made me cry-cray - it made me see things in strange way and be resentful and angry and be unable to let things go.

I had to stop completely to eventually find peace?

D
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