Notices

Best friend died from Fentanyl, not suicide.

Old 05-14-2016, 12:46 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
vulturine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Best friend died from Fentanyl, not suicide.

Hi,

I was part of a death investigation into my best friend's death. I spoke to a former cop a few days ago, and apparently he didn't OD on xanax and alcohol, it was an accidental OD on fentanyl and alcohol. I had heard he OD's himself on xanax (which I knew he bought), and alcohol, but apparently the toxicology report showed this drug I'd never heard of.

I feel better knowing how it happened, but I still feel horrible for his mom. I bought her flowers I plan to leave on her doorstep.

God, what an awful drug. He had an honours bachelors of science in chemistry with distinction. His mom showed me his degree the last time we met. He graduated 3 days before he died. I miss him so much.

It's tearing me up. He was the only person I had who I could talk to about anything with, and he'd always have great advice, or just listen. He was there throughout every problem I had for 6 years. We complained about university stuff. He made me laugh when I was down.

Is it normal to still be crying every day for 6 months? I know his mom still does. Every time she calls me, or sees me, she's in tears. The flowers don't really mean anything, but I'll keep leaving her flowers until she moves or something. I just want her to know someone cared about her son.

I miss him. He made me laugh hysterically the night he died. His last words to me were, "this is such a **** life".
vulturine is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 12:50 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
vulturine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Every time I think about university, I just tear up. I just want it to go away. I think that's one of the reasons I drink so much now. I'm just so sad.
vulturine is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 12:54 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
perhaps you could HONOR your friend's passing by getting off the very things thing that killed him? live life well?
AnvilheadII is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 12:58 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear about your friend. Fentanyl is a bad drug to mess with. I'd agree though, drinking to calm the pain is never going to work, it will have the opposite effect actually.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 01:00 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
vulturine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
I agree guys. I'm still in a lot of pain. I don't know how to deal with it.

I'm in rehab btw. Three weeks in. All this is just starting to come out now.

*outpatient rehab, I only go in twice a week. :P Government-funded, you know.
vulturine is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 01:20 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Is their counseling available through the rehab? Grief counseling and talk therapy could help you move forward.
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 01:29 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
AdelineRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Drinking through the pain will not bring him back and it will only ruin your life in the long run. Plus until you are completely sober you are never going to be able to process his death fully and go through the stages of grief. Belief me I know, after my dad died un-expectantly and suddenly I started using pain pills to mask the pain then heroin. 10 years later when I finally got sober I had to reprocess and learn to deal with missing him in a whole new way. Dulling the pain isn't worth it, and it doesn't honor his memory or fix anything.

Counseling would be a really good start in overcoming the grief and getting your life back on track. You go to out-patient rehab 2 times a week and are still drinking to cover up natural emotions, sounds like that path isn't working and maybe you should look into other options? Do they have an intensive out-patient program where you can go 4 or 5 days a week? Or maybe think about inpatient if you truly need to be removed from your daily life to focus just on your grief and addiction?

The only way you can lessen the pain is to help yourself. It isn't just going to naturally go away, and using the loss of your best friend as an excuse to drink is not healthy in itself. I went that course, and really I was just using my dad's death as an excuse to use heroin..which now makes me so mad because I love him so much and he didn't deserve to be the scape goat for my heroin addiction. I used because I wanted to get high, and that is the reason alone. You drink because you want to get drunk, and no reason alone. Be honest with yourself.

It is hard to lose a best friend, literally everyone I was friends with when I was a teenager to 24 years old are all death. All have overdosed or committed suicide due to heroin addiction and the answer wasn't to use heroin to mourn them.
AdelineRose is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 01:31 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
You can lean on us anytime some great advice already
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 01:32 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,270
I am very sorry about the loss of your friend. Fentanyl is dangerous.

I'm sure his mother appreciates the flowers.
Anna is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 01:39 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think there is a normal when it comes to grieving. In a way, it's probably good that you're able to cry it out. I have a terrible time with understanding my own emotions. I still don't think I've really grieved for my husband and he's been dead for almost 5 years.

I do know, without a doubt, that drugs and alcohol will warp the grieving process. If you are drinking and crying etc that probably isn't true grief....but some distortion. If you want to properly process this loss, I suggest doing it sober. Otherwise you'll be stuck in a replay cycle of projection, probably based more around yourself than the loss of your friend. That was my experience anyway.

Take care.
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 06:29 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,932
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I thought the same as Scott tho - could you get some counselling through the IOP? or a referral?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 06:50 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I am amazed that fentanyl is available in bulk (and it is)...and killing people. But it is reality. Sorry for your loss.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 07:56 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Any loss tragically and unexpectedly, no matter the circumstances, is sad. Grieve the right way though. Alcohol/drugs are not the answer. Listen to all of us that have been there/done that/are doing that. THAT is your incentive to not follow his path. Don't become him.
Babescake is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 09:20 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
Grief has it's own process and when we drink through it, we don't really heal. I know this first hand.

If you are in rehab, even if it's government funded, you will get so much more out of it if you are sober. Maybe start by letting them know how difficult getting sober is for you and see what you and they can do to help you stop and stay stopped.

Pain sucks. Losing a loved one sucks. Drinking while trying to process and heal just prolongs the pain.

Celebrate your friend's life by getting sober. I am certain he would have wanted this for both you and him.

With love and hugs to you,
~SB
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 05-14-2016, 10:26 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
now's the time
 
fantail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I am so, so sorry. Fentanyl is horrible. It's killing a lot of people all over the country. Many of whom don't even realize they're taking it.

I know you know this about the drinking, but I wanted to share my experience. I drank "through" my grief over an ex's suicide. What I eventually learned/saw is that the alcohol kept it fresh. I just didn't heal, didn't heal, etc. When I got sober several years later I was finally able to start processing it and start to move past it some. I don't know quite why this is. I certainly felt like I was processing it even while drinking. I thought about it, I wrote about it, etc. But it just didn't work. The alcohol felt like it was helping in the moment but really in retrospect it prolonged the worst of it.

But whether you're sober or drinking, like others said, there isn't really a normal here. A sudden loss is a devastating thing. Be gentle with yourself.
fantail is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:58 PM.