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Single in recovery on a weekend night

Old 05-14-2016, 11:55 AM
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Single in recovery on a weekend night

Hey everyone,

So I made it thru my Friday night without taking a drink, saying no thank you to all my friends who contacted me to go out and have one (although it was admittedly difficult), and without losing my mind. This question may not apply to many of you but even if you're not single, you're welcome to offer ideas.

As a single, 29 yr old male in recovery with no children and living alone .. Also, having only friends who are drinkers at this point in my life, what do I do on a Friday or Saturday night ? I understand that there are many things that can be done alone, but I spend much of my week alone as it is. Therefore, the weekend is usually my time to socialize and unfortunately, it's usually the time that I drink with others. Any ideas ? Or am I stuck watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air by myself every Friday night ?

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Old 05-14-2016, 12:18 PM
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Sameopposite

I'm wondering almost the same thing. But from the other side. I usually take care of my boyfriend when he drinks too much, that's my pass time on weekends. He drank last night so, this morning was probably hard and he ended up drinking in the morning. Which pretty much means he will pass out. And he did, about an hour ago. And there's plenty of day light left. And I don't know what to do. I don't enjoy going out to drink anymore. So I feel like I have to look for a book club. Or join some nerdy inner circle of Warcraft or magic the gathering cards. I'm not skilled at any sports. I don't have a ton of funds to be going to shows or events. Its tough. Where to socialize in a safe way? So I'm on a forum. I think if I can find a gym, maybe rock climbing, (I thought of that yesterday) or something. I just need a distraction.
Is there any kind of gaming you like? Digital or real life? Do you enjoy athletic activities?

Last edited by NatashaRomanova; 05-14-2016 at 12:19 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Old 05-14-2016, 12:25 PM
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AA is a great to meet sober people and just because we are sober does not mean we don't know have a good time. Tonight I will be going to the wedding of a close friend in AA. For me building a sober social network was a key part of my sobriety
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Old 05-14-2016, 12:35 PM
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I started boxing almost 3 years ago - does both socializing and great workouts for me.
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Old 05-14-2016, 12:39 PM
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orienteering / camping / cycling / playing music / singing in a chior / zumba / line dancing / gym / AA meeting / volunteer for the samaritans / evening classes / learn a foreign language / do a degree , do another degree / go visit your family / phone someone you love up and ask how they are / do your finances / clean the sock draw / go to a movie / paint a picture / do something new each week and write a blog about it / train for a marathon .

Sobriety is new and novel , when we first get sober we can't effect our mood by short cut anymore , sometimes it's boring .

Being bored is motivation to do something and i don't mean going backwards to drinking . .. there is a whole world of stuff out there , trails to trek , vistas to see , beaches to surf ,

Maybe sit down and write yourself a bucket list , do some research online at what others have done ..
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Old 05-14-2016, 12:42 PM
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I've been shopping for supplies and been in the backyard mostly today started making a birdtable there's lots of things have you any hobbies pastimes etc

Welcome NatashaRomanova
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:00 PM
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When I first got sober, I was bored too. Then I started getting involved in all the little things that I missed out on drunk, and now I have no time!

-books (I picked up one book in recovery and now I have a list to read that I'll never live long enough to finish)
-exercise
-recreational sports leagues (just be very careful about socializing around them - too many sports teams are just drinking clubs that occasionally toss a ball around)
-video games
-socialize away from bars - online, etc
-go for a walk
-go for a drive

Whatever makes you "tick". It will take time for that to come back out.

It took me a long time to figure out that alcohol not only wasn't needed to have fun, it was getting in the way of it.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:06 PM
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I'm single and sober but I have no problem being alone. I have two dogs and four cats and they make my life wonderful just caring for them.

If you're looking for things to do, why not try volunteering somewhere? You'll be giving back to the community and can make some new friends too.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:06 PM
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Hey I am 26 and although I am not single but my fiancé is currently in prison so I don't have his company for the time being.

AA is a great place to meet other sober people. Going to meetings and then getting something to eat afterwards or just hanging out somewhere is always an option. That is where a lot of people find good healthy sober friends and groups to hang out with.

You can also try volunteering on the weekends. Animal shelters always need volunteers, churches do, and hospitals also. I started volunteering at the animal hospital and have not only found a great way to spend time but met some pretty awesome people there too.

You could also start up a new hobby and then even if your current friends drink if you find a hobby that wouldn't require drinking maybe you can do that with them during the day and then you guys can part ways at night if they are insistent on going drinking.

Do you have any friends that understand that you are unable to drink and that would come just hang out without alcohol being involved? If they won't, the they probally aren't good friends if they will only come around drinking is involved.

The longer you are sober you more you will feel less like the "odd one out" or alone. It is always hard making life changes but things will fall into place as long as you continue to push forward and make the right decsions.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:36 PM
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Weekend daytimes are now more important to me than the evenings, although sometimes I'll go out if it's not just a drinking event. So if there is music or food as the main focus.

Today I've been out all day helping at a roller derby bout (not participating, I'm far too much of a wuss for that) so went and bought take away and now eating in my pj's before deciding what to watch on TV. I don't feel like I'm missing anything much after a great day out.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:40 PM
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Same boat here. I think people gave great suggestions but it is easier said than done jumping into a new social group when you are used to tackling social anxiety with a tranquiliser. This phenomenon was what killed my last sober stint and this time I hope to be proactive. Like the OP all my friends drink.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:54 PM
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Well I'm single and alone all the time. Right now, at 11 days sober that's just the deal. I've done a lot of partying. Time to rethink all that.

So it's working out, walking along the river, movies, AA meetings. And frankly just feeling good and watching Netflix works for now. And will work for the next year or so. We also have a thing called meet ups.....groups centered around all kinds of different stuff, can always go to one of those.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:54 PM
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Hi There,

Pick one of the things you see listed and try it. You'll be pleasantly surprised how much fun doing things sober can be.
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Old 05-14-2016, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberHappyHour View Post

Any ideas ?
When I was sober and single I went to some church single groups.
They usually meet on Friday or Saturday nights.

Not sure if you would be into that?

There were some really nice Ladies there
and it gave me something to do on those lonely nights.

Those who attend need not be hard core believers.

Bob
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Old 05-14-2016, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by mcfearless View Post
Same boat here. I think people gave great suggestions but it is easier said than done jumping into a new social group when you are used to tackling social anxiety with a tranquiliser. This phenomenon was what killed my last sober stint and this time I hope to be proactive. Like the OP all my friends drink.
Yes. I agree. It wasn't easy or comfortable for me at first either. To be honest there was a huge amount of fear and anxiety to push myself through. But it was worth it. A lot of the things i needed to do to get and stay sober weren't easy. But they really were game changers in my recovery. When I did these things to start off with I didnt really feel like I was going out to have fun. I thought of it as working on my recovery plan. After a while I found that some things started actually being fun, and put me in contact with new sober friends who told me about other things going on that I could try. Now I can honestly say that the rewards have far outweighed what I had to put into it.
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Old 05-14-2016, 02:26 PM
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Thank you all for your replies and suggestions ! I do have hobbies like working out, playing sports, etc. However, the real issue I'm dealing with is that I'm actually a social extrovert with or without alcohol and have night time insomnia. So sitting at home alone later at night is unusual for me .. well, on the weekends. I suppose my best bet tho is to meet new, sober people in the process of enjoying "normal time of the day" hobbies and have them perhaps join me in hanging out on the weekend evenings without alcohol. It's just difficult that I work so much that most of my free time is in the evenings.
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Old 05-14-2016, 02:36 PM
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I'm 32 and single and pretty happy with my social life... but I do still struggle with this a bit. I'm also a night owl/insomniac. And it's unfortunately true that a lot of nighttime activities are just people drinking. Luckily a lot of my friends aren't just drinkers, they are involved in a lot of activities like going camping, playing games, going for a nighttime bike ride or going to a show of some kind. Unluckily I moved across the country so I'm no longer able to hang out with them!

I spent a bunch of time on Meetup.com when I first moved, going to non-drinking activities like kayaking, movies, hiking, cultural events, etc. Through that I met a few people who aren't non-drinkers but don't drink much. I always make sure that I have social things to do during the day on weekends and a few of the weeknights (when fewer people drink) so that by the weekend nights I don't feel isolated if I can't find anything to do. I'm hoping that with time I'll have a group in this city that's similar to my group in my last city.
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Old 05-14-2016, 06:13 PM
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Early recovery is hard, regardless, but I sure being young and single early on presents it's own challenges. You won't always be home alone watching TV on a Friday night. Many people self-isolate in early recovery. Think about the things you enjoy, and make a point to do them. As time goes on, you will be more comfortable in your own skin. Just give it some time, it's well worth it! ☺
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Old 05-14-2016, 09:22 PM
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Young People in AA have a lot of sober events all of the time!
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