need help getting through
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 529
need help getting through
I am planning on leaving a controlling manipulative abusive alcoholic who says he is no longer drinking and is treating me better than he ever has!! for the past 2.5 weeks anyway. he suspects I was close to ending everything, but he doesn't know my plans. I am refusing to sleep with him for the first time ever and he is pressuring me. I am trying to keep everything on an even keel, because
thanks if he knows my plans he will try to stop me and he will make my life hell. I wish I could get out earlier, but everything is all set up. how do I manage until the big day? It's not too far off. Won't say when - had to plan everything when he is not around. He has some time off work planned and is watching my every move and snooping. I have been to the NDVHL and found it helpful. Meantime, I am having a hard time handling myself and making sure everything is kept secret. I have taken most of the necessary steps and just have a few more to do when he is not around. Help!
thanks if he knows my plans he will try to stop me and he will make my life hell. I wish I could get out earlier, but everything is all set up. how do I manage until the big day? It's not too far off. Won't say when - had to plan everything when he is not around. He has some time off work planned and is watching my every move and snooping. I have been to the NDVHL and found it helpful. Meantime, I am having a hard time handling myself and making sure everything is kept secret. I have taken most of the necessary steps and just have a few more to do when he is not around. Help!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, qt,
I'd suggest giving your local shelter a call and hooking up with an advocate. You're very smart to recognize that the current "niceness" on his part is manipulation. A shelter advocate (you don't need to stay at the shelter to use other services, like an advocate) can help you make a safe and smooth exit. Sounds like you have a lot of the ground work in place, but having some fail-safes in place would be a good idea.
As far as stalling the sex while you're awaiting your exit, could you maybe fake a minor medical condition like a yeast infection or a urinary tract infection that call for abstaining from sex for a while? Or would he expect other "services" in lieu? I'm not sure how much physical risk you are at, which is another good reason to be working with an advocate.
I'd suggest giving your local shelter a call and hooking up with an advocate. You're very smart to recognize that the current "niceness" on his part is manipulation. A shelter advocate (you don't need to stay at the shelter to use other services, like an advocate) can help you make a safe and smooth exit. Sounds like you have a lot of the ground work in place, but having some fail-safes in place would be a good idea.
As far as stalling the sex while you're awaiting your exit, could you maybe fake a minor medical condition like a yeast infection or a urinary tract infection that call for abstaining from sex for a while? Or would he expect other "services" in lieu? I'm not sure how much physical risk you are at, which is another good reason to be working with an advocate.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
qtpi.....in addition, make sure that you wipe out your browser history every time you use the internet....especially if he is computer l iterate. Be careful with your cell phone or tablet....change critical passwords if he is literate...
Also, be careful who you talk to.....don't tell anyone your plans who doesn't have an absolute need to know in order to help you!
On the sex thing...I think that Lexie's idea might be a good one.....
Another idea might be to pretend that you are "waiting" for a certain amount of time....like, maybe 6 wks to see if he is staying sober....or maybe 3months....(making sure that the time boundary is longer than your planned exit date)..
Again, I don't know how violent he is...you have to use your own judgment on these kinds of matters.....
I appreciate how stressful this must be....just try to act the same way you would if you had zero plans.....
We will help you as much as we can.
You are not alone!
dandylion
Also, be careful who you talk to.....don't tell anyone your plans who doesn't have an absolute need to know in order to help you!
On the sex thing...I think that Lexie's idea might be a good one.....
Another idea might be to pretend that you are "waiting" for a certain amount of time....like, maybe 6 wks to see if he is staying sober....or maybe 3months....(making sure that the time boundary is longer than your planned exit date)..
Again, I don't know how violent he is...you have to use your own judgment on these kinds of matters.....
I appreciate how stressful this must be....just try to act the same way you would if you had zero plans.....
We will help you as much as we can.
You are not alone!
dandylion
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
