kiki

I'm 24 years old and have never been a big drinker. Every now and then I like to have fun and let loose, but never to an extent where I feel bad the next day. Recently I married a man who is 30. I knew that he had been a big drinker when he was in high school, college, and after, but I was under the impression that he had given that up as he got older. During our engagement (around 9 months) he drank quite a bit, but I chalked that up to the parties and showers that were given for us. It was an exciting time. We didn't live together so I'm not sure what he did while he was alone, but since the honeymoon, it seems as though he is always drinking. The honeymoon was pretty upsetting because we were at one of those all-inclusive resorts in Mexico, and he would get his first drink at 9:00 am when the bar opened and would drink straight through until evening. It was both embarrasing, and alarming. Again, I chalked it up to the fact that we were on our honeymoon (a time of celebration). When we got back to real life, I started noticing how much he was drinking. When he gets home from work, he will have 2 or 3 beers, at dinner he will have a Seagram's Seven, and then he has Jack and coke before bed. He never acts drunk (just a little giggly) and is never violent or mean to me. In the morning, he always feels sick. The only time he gets angry is when I confront him about his drinking. His father (although not his biological father, has an alcohol problem..but again they ignore it) I"m just scared because I've only been married a month and a half and I don't know what to do to make him realize that he has a problem. The first year of marriage is suppose to be fun, and, so far, I feel like I married "Frank the Tank".....I don't really have anyone to talk to about it because I don't want my friends knowing, and my parents were concerned about me marrying into his family anyway. Any thoughts?

Gabe

Hi kiki,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
You can't make him see that he has a drinking problem.
He has to come to terms with that on his own.
You can do things for you that will help you cope with this.
Coming here was a great first step.
Have you thought about going to Alanon meetings?
That is a great way to meet other people in similar circumstances.
Please join us on the Friends and Family board and the Naranon board.
Gabe

Peaches04

Hi kiki - I feel for you sweetie...you are not alone. Alot of people on here could mimic your story with ours. I would immediately read a book called "Codependent No More" and as Gabe suggests, go to an Alanon meeting. I have been married 6 years and just came to the realization that my husband is an alcholic (out of denial). Sometimes he admits he 'might' have a problem, but for the most part he thinks it is fine. I would take a good look at this now, as you are fairly young and sound like a wonderful person. You dont want to be where I am in 6 years, with 2 kids - and think 'what the hell happened?"...then you have children to think about too and it will kill you. Anyway, do your homework, understand the disease, understand the effect it can or has had on you, and understand what you have to do to take care of YOU. Nothing is more important - you have your whole future ahead of you. Staying with him and hoping you can cure or fix it, will only bring you more pain than you can imagine. I don't mean to preach doom and gloom - the thought of you leaving may be enough to turn him around - I don't know. I just hate for anyone to have to be where I am..sincerely. Hang in there sweetie and get the information to help yourself! The worst thing is you could learn a whole lot of new ideas!

1_day@_a_time

Kiki, believe you will find some compassionate people here, that understand where you are in life, much better than most.

Suggest you take birth control, read "Codependent No More", attend Alanon now, and make sure you take care of YOU, first and foremost.

At your age, I was just married, more than 20 years later, now have 2 fairly young children, and a messy brutal divorce lasting over 3 yrs, there was lots of drinking and smoking dope along the way. Today, I'm over 2 yrs sober. For her, well, I have NO idea.

NOW is your chance to care for you, and love you.

Thoughts and prayers for you,

Tom