JessicaNAJ

I can't figure out why, when my AH stops over (which is everynight I'm home) or when he offers to help with something, why does this bother me so much. I almost feel as though I'm suffocating, I feel like I have to go out of my way to be social with him - like I don't have enough to do already.

His presence really bugs me sometimes more than others.

Any thoughts??

StandingStrong

OMG, I've been there!!!!! There was a time that I felt that exact same way!
For me personally, it was because I realized that I didn't "need" him to be doing what he was trying to do. The effort he was making just seemed to be one of those things that I knew was an "act" as it had been a million times before. And on top of that - I WANTED my space!!!!!! I was tired of playing that game of him trying to make things up to me like he had everytime only to fall down in the pit of drinking despair again and take me with him. I did not need or want to get my hopes up again just to be disappointed. So, I guess for me, I just felt like it was so stupid when he'd be making this effort when I knew how the end result would be. So I was bothered and annoyed by it.
This may not be the case for you, but that's how it was for me.

theoncelers

This is exactly where I am at right now with my AH. There is this song that I listen too that says "there is too much of you and not enough of me". I feel like I am constantly giving, giving, giving and all he does is take. I feel exhausted just thinking about him and his problems most days. He got his feelings hurt when I told him about the song. He relates very well to music and uses it to communicate his feelings, so I thought I would too and he got all hurt...oh well...My AH also has ADD and I think some of his problems stem from that...self medication...his mother once told me that he went from ritalin to alcohol/drugs. He talks sooooo much that it drives me crazy...I don't even hear half of what he says anymore, I tune him out cuz I know its all crap most of the time. Our communication is at an all time low right now, not sure how to make it better until he quits drinking, which he swears is gonna happen THIS weekend. Anyway, your not the only one that is bugged by your AH...he seems to push all my buttons :stups:

JT

Speaking of music...Dan Hicks and the Hot Licks have a song which is one of my favorites. "How can I miss you when you won't go away"

Hugs,
JT

Blondie

It could be your unconsious mind trying to warn you. When my AH wants to help me or spend time with me it is ALWAYS to try to "win me over" again and get things "back to normal" after he has made a mess of his life. It bugs me to no end because when I did need him, he was NEVER there for me at all!

One example was when my sons were born he wasn't there either time, though I asked him to please be there with me because I needed support. My mother went into the room with me during the birth of our first son (who was premature and ended up in the neonatal ICU for three weeks), and I was alone with just the nurse and doctor during the birth of our second son while my husband went to the Waffle House for a bite to eat and coffee before falling asleep in the waiting room. My AH also had no compassion when I had morning sickness and actually got angry because I couldn't make his breakfast because I was busy throwing up in the bathroom. I needed support and help, but he gave me none. And these are just two examples of his neglect.

Now that he is in trouble AGAIN, he is all nice and sweet and trying to be supportive and helpful to ME. It is EXACTLY the same as before. My instincts tell me that he is faking it, but I feel obligated in giving him a chance because "maybe this time will be different." I don't know if that is how you feel, but it is my experience.

JessicaNAJ

Blondie - This is exactly how I feel. Why won't he just leave me alone!!

I'm so tired of feeling sorry for him and feeling obligated to make things work. I think I'm going out of my mind sometimes. I want to be done with all this and be able to move on, but something keeps stopping me.

Rella927

Great song JT! Jessica it is not you! Same thing everyone else has said.....my A stops over every morning before work! Drives me insane! I ask him nicely not to do this every morning and he stops for a week or so then slowly dwindles back on my porch when I wake up and let the dogs out BAM! There he is with coffee and trys to be sweet blah blah blah. In reality I say the same thing OMG he is bugging me! He gets his space in the morning-where is mine??? He is there at my door when I get home-and then gets angry when I say I have things to do ...he goes home and continues his nightly 12 pack ritual and then bugs me some more until he passes out! Although now I shut the phone off at night! He drove by here last night when I was out with a girlfriend...I came home went to bed and then at 3 am calls me, is in the front of my house beeping his horn-and then goes 40 minutes home! Hello! So it is not only you sweetie-it is not always easy to handle because they go to another extreme when you cut them off from one-and it will always in their eyes be your fault! Just remember it is not you and not your fault! You did not CAUSE it, you cannot CURE it and you cannot CONTROL it. Love the three c's!! Ask yourself what is really stopping you? I know myself that I need to do the same thing-but I'm at the end of my rope-and will not allow myself to forget about me much longer!
(((Hugs Jess))))