Day 3
Day 3
So I've been sober for over 48 hrs now, working on 72 hrs. I hate a bunch of crap yesterday. Didn't go to AA. But I stayed sober.
I've had my shake this morning and meal plan for today. I've got my water. Sticking to a healthy diet today.
We just got a job for 10:30, and a much needed last minute job. I won't be able to make it to my counseling appt on time because my husband will need my help. I know you guys are gonna say I should go...but I feel I've done the responsible thing and texted the counsellor and told her the situation, that I won't be on time and asked if she wanted to reschedule or has a later time today. She hasn't gotten back to me yet.
We are just stating this business and need all the customers we can get right now...
I've had my shake this morning and meal plan for today. I've got my water. Sticking to a healthy diet today.
We just got a job for 10:30, and a much needed last minute job. I won't be able to make it to my counseling appt on time because my husband will need my help. I know you guys are gonna say I should go...but I feel I've done the responsible thing and texted the counsellor and told her the situation, that I won't be on time and asked if she wanted to reschedule or has a later time today. She hasn't gotten back to me yet.
We are just stating this business and need all the customers we can get right now...
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Day 3 is great Jillian. Do you mean you ate a bunch of crap? Haha. I did that the other night and suffered yesterday morning. Literally had a hangover.....yoga cleared that out.
I think only you can really decide what is right for you. If helping your hub with the biz is the priority, then that's what you do. I always try to remember (and I suck at this) that I put my oxygen mask on first....then my daughters. I push out 'recovery' activities all the time for her. Its not good. Your post is making me remember to take care of me first....ugh. Ok, I admit it. I'm a codependent and can't say no. Sorry, making this about me.
You're doing great!
I think only you can really decide what is right for you. If helping your hub with the biz is the priority, then that's what you do. I always try to remember (and I suck at this) that I put my oxygen mask on first....then my daughters. I push out 'recovery' activities all the time for her. Its not good. Your post is making me remember to take care of me first....ugh. Ok, I admit it. I'm a codependent and can't say no. Sorry, making this about me.
You're doing great!
Haha yes I meant ATE. I don't feel bad this morning over it though.
I'm not trying to avoid my counseling appt, we just need to make money. I'm hoping she has a later appt. I can't say I'm not nervous about the appt but I still want to go.
I'm not trying to avoid my counseling appt, we just need to make money. I'm hoping she has a later appt. I can't say I'm not nervous about the appt but I still want to go.
Appt went well. I cried, as expected. I think that's what scared me the most. I like the counselor so far and have another appt next week. Her plan sounds good. And she said she's here to do it with me, not just send me home with work to do on my own, which I really like and think is needed.
Working towards stopping this obsession with alcohol/beer.
I know it's going to be tough tonight. Can't stop thinking about it.
Working towards stopping this obsession with alcohol/beer.
I know it's going to be tough tonight. Can't stop thinking about it.
The obsession abates, but it takes time. Give it time.
When I was feeling really obsessed this little trick helped me:
Take out a piece of paper and a pen and write down the 5 worst things that will happen to you tonight if you DON'T drink. It helped me put that obsession under the microscope.
Ugh. I. Want. A. Beer.
I realized I was hungry. Had cheese and crackers. Wasn't satisfied. Had ice cream. Now I'm smoking a cigarette and drinking sparkling water and watching tv. Hubby is taking a nap. He wanted to wash the truck (we already detailed the inside) but I didn't feel like it. So I guess he decided to lie down. But now I feel bad. I should've helped him. I guess I just feel tired
Too many thoughts going thru my brain. Just want to relax my mind.
I realized I was hungry. Had cheese and crackers. Wasn't satisfied. Had ice cream. Now I'm smoking a cigarette and drinking sparkling water and watching tv. Hubby is taking a nap. He wanted to wash the truck (we already detailed the inside) but I didn't feel like it. So I guess he decided to lie down. But now I feel bad. I should've helped him. I guess I just feel tired
Too many thoughts going thru my brain. Just want to relax my mind.
Hang in there. This is YOUR sobriety and your life. I had the same situ last week and felt doubly good the next day when I didn't drink. I know it's hard. My boyfriend likes a beer on a night but I'm learning to accept it (I never drank beer so in a weird way that's helped). Go to bed if you need to and let him get on with it. Keep posting if you need to......Jo x
So I caved in. It's amazing how one night of drinking turns into 3 yet I can't manage to get 3 days sober in. I am going to an AA meeting here in a bit. I must follow my plan. I am the only one that can get myself sober. I am so depressed. I feel like I have no emotions when I am sober. No personality. I hate what I am doing to myself yet continue to do it. I am wasting my life away. I feel like the mom on What's Eating Gilbert Grape, useless, a laughing stock, withering away .
On top of all this, I am not too happy with my husband right now. He relapsed on meth. I hate the person he is when he uses. He goes a couple of months clean and then relapses. It's usually only a one day thing, because I get soooo angry and life is doubly not fun then. I did talk to my counselor about this and part of what we are going to work on is anger. I have no coping skills besides drinking and angry tantrums. It's horrible. I hate the person I have become.
On top of all this, I am not too happy with my husband right now. He relapsed on meth. I hate the person he is when he uses. He goes a couple of months clean and then relapses. It's usually only a one day thing, because I get soooo angry and life is doubly not fun then. I did talk to my counselor about this and part of what we are going to work on is anger. I have no coping skills besides drinking and angry tantrums. It's horrible. I hate the person I have become.
Sorry that you caved, but glad you made it back.
Strange isn't it, how our brains tell us we will be sorry if we don't drink, when the reality is just the opposite? It took me a long time to get a grip on that.
Keep trying. You can do this!
Strange isn't it, how our brains tell us we will be sorry if we don't drink, when the reality is just the opposite? It took me a long time to get a grip on that.
Keep trying. You can do this!
Thanks non and Delilah. I'm here in the parking lot at AA with a few minutes to spare. It's time for me to work for this and quit "hoping" that it will just happen.
On Friday, I knew I should've stayed home. It was already getting late when the neighbors wanted us to come over to grill steaks. But I felt pressured by my husband to go. He had the wife call me to go to the store with her. I just wish he was more supportive and just left it alone after I told him it's already late and want to stay home. But the steaks were good, even if it was 10 before we ate!
On Friday, I knew I should've stayed home. It was already getting late when the neighbors wanted us to come over to grill steaks. But I felt pressured by my husband to go. He had the wife call me to go to the store with her. I just wish he was more supportive and just left it alone after I told him it's already late and want to stay home. But the steaks were good, even if it was 10 before we ate!
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