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Trying to help my friend

Old 05-13-2016, 05:27 AM
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Unhappy Trying to help my friend

I'm worried about my friend, he's abusing alcohol and he's starting to say very hurtful mean things to people around him. His father wants him to cool off the bottle and he keeps saying he will, yet he never does. Now I don't think I can continue to be around him, yet at the same time I want to try to help him. However I do know he's the only person who's going to want the help. I'm really worried about him and just finished crying a few moments ago. I'm really stressed out right now and don't know what to do....I feel helpless and I hate this feeling.
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Old 05-13-2016, 06:08 AM
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I am going through the same thing. My friend drank for his whole life, and is now almost 58. He has lost jobs due to drinking and has been to rehab after his family intervened. After rehab, he was back to drinking fairly quickly. I don't know how to help him, and others on this board told me he has to reach the point where he wants help. Until then, there is little to do but be an example of a sober life. I know it is hard, but I think that is the truth.
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Old 05-13-2016, 07:57 AM
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There's a section in this site called "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" - you guys should check that out.

You can't cajole, plead, cry, beg, manipulate or threaten an alcoholic. It has to come from inside of them - a desire to change. I think you can love them while protecting your own health, and tell them your own truth - maybe even steer them in this direction (this website).

Believe me, I wish there were some sort of exorcism you could do to remove the things which possess us and compel us to act in the most insane, bewildering and hurtful ways we do, but there isn't.
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Old 05-13-2016, 08:06 AM
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do you feel helpless or powerless?
absolutely no one was able to help me until i wanted help.
then in recovery, i spent countless hours trying to help someone get sober. i had to accept i cant help someone that isnt ready. it was only hurting me.
i could keep doing it and love them to death or wait until they were ready and love them to life.
i didnt cause it
i cant control it
i cant cure them.

none of us can help someone who isnt ready and willing.
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Old 05-13-2016, 08:30 AM
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If you think back to how you became sober, it was because of your personal choice. People may have given you signs, fate may have even planted a few signs, but in the end it was up to you to become clean.

I have a friend who is wasting her life away with drugs and alcohol. If I say something to her, it causes anger and just drives her further away from me. I tried and tried to show her how incredible of a person she is, but I failed to reach her. She is still living like there is no tomorrow.

When I decided to become sober, I realized that I had to cut ties with her in order to preserve my own sanity as well as respect her boundaries, as much as I disagree with what she's doing. And sad to say, the last time I communicated with her was the last day I partied.

I miss her and wish there was something more I could do, but to interfere with her will only cause her frustration and possibly get me into some trouble that I really don't need.

Choose to be sober and live that life. Please do not let a friend, no matter how much you love him/her get in the way. Do not do that to yourself. You did that to yourself with alcohol. Don't do it with negative people too.
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Old 05-13-2016, 05:06 PM
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I'm sorry BWR - it is hard to watch.

D
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Old 05-14-2016, 06:14 AM
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Thank you. I don't even like alcohol in generally speaking. Even when I was abusing drugs, I hated drinking with the passion and I mean this sincerely. One night I remember going out drinking with a bunch of friends or drinking on the beach and I kept waking up with these horrible migraines. Migraines is something I get on a regular basis. Once it started happening, I stopped hanging out with my friends who went out drinking constantly. Than I found pills and I was hooked. I think people try things out and once they find something they like, it hooks onto them and it's impossible to stop. For my best friend it's alcohol and mine was pills. I know I'm not responsible for him and when I posted this I felt helpless cause I'm the kind of person who loves helping people, I know there's only little I can do for my friend at this point.

I'm still trying to get my life together and I'm battling depression due to my drug use for years. I'm finally on medication, I meditate daily to keep my anxiety and stress down and I even began riding my bike now. When he's ready I do plan on introducing him to this site cause I honestly feel as it it will beneficial to him. All I want is the best for him and I loved him at one point. Now that he's drowning himself in alcohol though, I can't be with him. Thanks for all your replies, I really needed them. Yesterday was an extremely hard day for me and I'm feeling a little bit better now. Thank you.
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Old 05-14-2016, 07:36 AM
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and it's impossible to stop

Not impossible. Difficult and a fight to be sure - but one he must choose. You can't choose it for him.
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