Throwing My Hat Into The Ring
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Throwing My Hat Into The Ring
It's quiet here but I know that I am in the right place: ACoA Symptoms
I've been searching for people which I have not so much something in common but everything.
There are no local meetings here that I'm aware of. Nothing else to say really other than hello.
I've been searching for people which I have not so much something in common but everything.
There are no local meetings here that I'm aware of. Nothing else to say really other than hello.
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Love your name 
When you're ready tell us your back story. It took a while for to find the courage (and the time) to open up here but it is very comforting to find people who went through very similar things. I have worked on a lot of that list you posted over the years and still go to counseling for tuneups every now and then.
When you're ready tell us your back story. It took a while for to find the courage (and the time) to open up here but it is very comforting to find people who went through very similar things. I have worked on a lot of that list you posted over the years and still go to counseling for tuneups every now and then.
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Thanks. Well I've never been entirely comfortable with the various roles they want, from the golden child to the scapegoat. I didn't know why though.
My story is not a short one. It's still ongoing in some regards. Basically my 'mother' is an extremely personality disordered person. In fact she is a so-called sociopath. No conscience whatsoever. I know this unfortunately beyond any doubt. And so does everyone else, it was only a difficult realization for me of course.
Father I believe became a malignant narcissist over time with his inability to deal with her, while my biggest issues were with him growing up, I can now see clearly how she was the problem all along. So beginning with basic neglect to say the violent family domestics, plus the whole psychological, emotional and spiritual components involved I don't think there is a form of abuse or trauma I haven't endured. Most of them on the regular, especially the more subtle forms which are so hard to understand let alone explain. Those were the norm. I learned about this stuff (i.e. m entirey life) online by way of the 'narcisstic abuse' vlogs and blogs.
And it continues today still, or would be I'm sure only for I am 'no contact'. I'm on my ass pretty much as a result, well I mean could be worse, the only problem is that I have a child potentially caught in the middle. How no contact am I really so? BS, I'm not. I shouldn't be talking about this so late at night actually. Hmmmm...
My story is not a short one. It's still ongoing in some regards. Basically my 'mother' is an extremely personality disordered person. In fact she is a so-called sociopath. No conscience whatsoever. I know this unfortunately beyond any doubt. And so does everyone else, it was only a difficult realization for me of course.
Father I believe became a malignant narcissist over time with his inability to deal with her, while my biggest issues were with him growing up, I can now see clearly how she was the problem all along. So beginning with basic neglect to say the violent family domestics, plus the whole psychological, emotional and spiritual components involved I don't think there is a form of abuse or trauma I haven't endured. Most of them on the regular, especially the more subtle forms which are so hard to understand let alone explain. Those were the norm. I learned about this stuff (i.e. m entirey life) online by way of the 'narcisstic abuse' vlogs and blogs.
And it continues today still, or would be I'm sure only for I am 'no contact'. I'm on my ass pretty much as a result, well I mean could be worse, the only problem is that I have a child potentially caught in the middle. How no contact am I really so? BS, I'm not. I shouldn't be talking about this so late at night actually. Hmmmm...
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A lot of physical, emotional and mental abuse plus some sexual abuse's to cut a long story short.
The latter has re-surfaced for me again in recent years by beginning to manifest itself intergenerationally within the family dynamic.
I'm not in recovery, whatever that means. I do attend AA but it doesn't deal with any of this stuff.
The latter has re-surfaced for me again in recent years by beginning to manifest itself intergenerationally within the family dynamic.
I'm not in recovery, whatever that means. I do attend AA but it doesn't deal with any of this stuff.
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Originally Posted by Ap052183 
I'd recommend adult child meetings. They're really helpful.
I did a search earlier and there are apparently only 4 or 5 meetings in the entire nation, with an additional 4 or 5 in the capital city.
The only one that I could get to (a 10+ hour journey by public transport) I also happen to have my kid on those days.
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Thank you for sharing with me wmj. I was on the Acoa website last night. The same steps as Al-anon and AA but the objective and purpose is obviously different (though somewhat related also I guess)
I don't know if you clicked on the link in my original post but it has '12 steps for Acoa's'. Seems to be much the same list except worded differently, and perhaps a little less ambiguous. Would you agree?
I don't know if you clicked on the link in my original post but it has '12 steps for Acoa's'. Seems to be much the same list except worded differently, and perhaps a little less ambiguous. Would you agree?
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Hi sc
I remember when I realized I needed ACA. It was an eye opening journey and one that we must walk in the way God leads us.
What helped me was going to meetings where they read straight through the big red book - and as I learned to do in AA, I actually did the exercises in the BrB. It helped me a lot.
I felt pain but I also got compassion for my parents.
It was a further journey from AA that I needed. However, I needed to not spiral down into rage or self-pity. I needed to balance ACA out with the principles in AA (stay in the solution). A lot of ACAs get stuck in the problem and that causes depression which stems from thinking abut ourselves too much and forgetting to just take what helps us heal while we help others and mature.
So I learned and grew.
I remember when I realized I needed ACA. It was an eye opening journey and one that we must walk in the way God leads us.
What helped me was going to meetings where they read straight through the big red book - and as I learned to do in AA, I actually did the exercises in the BrB. It helped me a lot.
I felt pain but I also got compassion for my parents.
It was a further journey from AA that I needed. However, I needed to not spiral down into rage or self-pity. I needed to balance ACA out with the principles in AA (stay in the solution). A lot of ACAs get stuck in the problem and that causes depression which stems from thinking abut ourselves too much and forgetting to just take what helps us heal while we help others and mature.
So I learned and grew.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Hi wmj. It was actually on this forum where I first read about Acoa. Well I mean, I didn't know it was a support group and that there was a book, but I gravitated towards some posts. It was an eye opener, for sure.
I've read bits of the BrB but only whats on Amazon and websites. I also spoke with a guy I met in AA after a slip and he had the BrB with him. He went to the toilet and left it open on a page which was exactly what I had been speaking with him about.
I know now that the answers I seek are in there, it just seems like such a mammoth task to take on all by myself. I get mad vibes when I am looking at the contents available on Amazon even. It's definitely painful.
I've been feeling some compassion again towards both of my parents more recently, but of course danger lies here too. I spent most of my life feeling that way, whilst also confused, until it was basically impossible anymore.
I realise that Acoa can be like opening pandora's box. However with the stuff I've already covered, I also realize that its the only way. The answers I seek are definitely there. As for AA, I better get to bed soon as I want to make the morning meeting. Thanks for your response.
I've read bits of the BrB but only whats on Amazon and websites. I also spoke with a guy I met in AA after a slip and he had the BrB with him. He went to the toilet and left it open on a page which was exactly what I had been speaking with him about.
I know now that the answers I seek are in there, it just seems like such a mammoth task to take on all by myself. I get mad vibes when I am looking at the contents available on Amazon even. It's definitely painful.
I've been feeling some compassion again towards both of my parents more recently, but of course danger lies here too. I spent most of my life feeling that way, whilst also confused, until it was basically impossible anymore.
I realise that Acoa can be like opening pandora's box. However with the stuff I've already covered, I also realize that its the only way. The answers I seek are definitely there. As for AA, I better get to bed soon as I want to make the morning meeting. Thanks for your response.
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