I Have A Theory.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
I Have A Theory.
I have a theory. The sample is rather limited. Just me in fact. So stay with me. I have dyslexia, I probably am bi-polar, and I have alcoholism. Dyslexia came first. It was a childhood of hearing I'm a "stupid boy", a bit thick. It was reversing letters and numbers, awful spelling, uncontrolled energy, and a sense of constant frustration at being bottom of the class. Then came Mrs Barns. A dyslexic herself, school teacher, and infinitely understanding. She took me home and kept me in her pocket so to speak, until something clicked. I was 15, studying German for my mock exams. I suddenly "got it". As if wires had connected and my brain circuitry was working, not just working flying. I went from bottom to middle to outperforming most peers, to university to post-graduate Masters, to being a top earner, and feeling pretty good about things.
Then the cycles began. I think it was about 4 years ago shortly after my grandfather died. We were close. So close I dreamed he had said "goodbye" the day before he relapsed and went back into hospital. I have no doubt that the timing of the dream was prophetic. I well up now thinking about him. The "cycles" are weird. Every so many months, sometimes less. My brain feels accelerated and elevated. I write. I don't sleep. I gabble and then BOOOM! Crash. Down. No energy. Death of a type. Do nothing and wallow feelings.
The alcoholism works around the cycles. When I'm feeling up, I drink massively. Two or three bottles on occasion in an evening. I drink on the quiet. I drink until I literally can't see and fall asleep anywhere. Just never bed. I'm found, fully clothed in locations all around the house. Sometimes I don't come home.
I feel disgusted with myself. But then I recall what I was, what I can be on occasion. Fit, healthy, fun. I'm dead to that person at the moment but slowly regaining my feeling, like a paralysed body seeing its little toes wiggle in hospital.
These things are connected. I'm convinced. The cycles, alcoholism, mania, crashes, dyslexia. BUT I overcame dyslexia with the help of Mrs Barns. With your help, my friends, I know it is possible to overcome, or at least manage, mental health problems and alcoholism.
As I said, I have a theory...
Then the cycles began. I think it was about 4 years ago shortly after my grandfather died. We were close. So close I dreamed he had said "goodbye" the day before he relapsed and went back into hospital. I have no doubt that the timing of the dream was prophetic. I well up now thinking about him. The "cycles" are weird. Every so many months, sometimes less. My brain feels accelerated and elevated. I write. I don't sleep. I gabble and then BOOOM! Crash. Down. No energy. Death of a type. Do nothing and wallow feelings.
The alcoholism works around the cycles. When I'm feeling up, I drink massively. Two or three bottles on occasion in an evening. I drink on the quiet. I drink until I literally can't see and fall asleep anywhere. Just never bed. I'm found, fully clothed in locations all around the house. Sometimes I don't come home.
I feel disgusted with myself. But then I recall what I was, what I can be on occasion. Fit, healthy, fun. I'm dead to that person at the moment but slowly regaining my feeling, like a paralysed body seeing its little toes wiggle in hospital.
These things are connected. I'm convinced. The cycles, alcoholism, mania, crashes, dyslexia. BUT I overcame dyslexia with the help of Mrs Barns. With your help, my friends, I know it is possible to overcome, or at least manage, mental health problems and alcoholism.
As I said, I have a theory...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
There is plenty of support here with the alcoholism part. Getting sober is definitely the first part. I do believe that once you can lick the alcohol it will give you more tools to work on everything else with the help of your doctor.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Hi CKing 
Thats a great post - and thank you for sharing
just wondered if you've sought help for what you think might be a bi-polar condition?
I know I started drinking for underlying reasons, even tho the reason were not the same as yours.
I really had to deal with those underlying reasons to stay sober.
D
Thats a great post - and thank you for sharing
just wondered if you've sought help for what you think might be a bi-polar condition?
I know I started drinking for underlying reasons, even tho the reason were not the same as yours.
I really had to deal with those underlying reasons to stay sober.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Thanks everyone for the comments. I'm seeking help but it's extremely difficult to get seen I'm finding in the UK. The NHS for mental health is truly bad. I'm hoping to address this soon. Day 4 without any booze and feeling already healthier and happier. ��
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
There is an amazing amount of power in the simple act of one alcoholic helping another. These forums and recovery meetings around the globe prove this each and every day. Wishing you the best on this road of recovery, CKingHelp. If you haven't already, I highly suggest joining the Class of May 2016 thread found on this same forum. Active participation in my own class here has been the cornerstone of my own recovery so far.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
