Hey guys it's been awhile since I've posted
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Hey guys it's been awhile since I've posted
I hope everyone's doing well, I've been thinking about you all a lot and have continued to read posts. I've wanted to post a few times but didn't for a few reasons,
1. Didn't know where to start
2. Didn't know if I could/should still be posting
I have rarely any contact with stbxah, he has contacted me a few times about sorting the divorce out ourself without a solicitor, I have said no every time. He continues to delay, his solicitor doesn't reply to my solicitors letters for weeks or months at a time. My cross petition for unreasonable behaviour has been accepted by the court but he still hasn't responded via court he did send me a copy saying that he will only submit it if he has to and he's arguing over the house and his pension. The lies he has told makes me angry although I'm getting better at managing this and letting him get on with it. So still no divorce!!
You may recall I started dating and I posted about a guy and issues I was having but I had ended it......well we got back together shortly after that but the same issues continued he was very persuasive with his views and what he wanted and oh my could he go on about things for days. We had a hugh argument at Easter because of sex and something I wouldn't do and he began to question whether we were comparable and said that he had friends who if their wife/girlfri no wouldn't do this they would go elsewhere. After a week of not speaking I apologised to him for storming out
This continued but I have now ended it after he decided to take a job in London give up his house here but didn't even consider the impact on us. His view was that he would come home most weekends and we could stay at his mothers in his old bedroom. I began to accept that this guy didn't really care, had no interest in anything about me, my life, my kids or even respected my thoughts or feelings about anything. Every conversation we had was about him, he would ask how I was but wasn't interested as he would cut me off or launch into him, it was all about him!! The last straw for me was when I had a 2 day internal inquiry into the death of a young person I worked with who died a few years ago. This was a very difficult and emotional time for me, I worked with this girl for 4 years almost on a daily basis. Cut a long story short I told him what was going on he didn't even reply or ask how I was until the following morning, I rang him that night and literally he was on the phone for about 5 minutes. I got angry later with him and said that he wasn't there for me but apparently he was.
Yet I went back time and time again, changing who I had become to try and please him, make him happy so he wouldn't leave. I know I was desperate and needy and very insecure. I always came back to what is it about me, I can fix this, even though deep down I knew he was being selfish and thoughtless throughout, my anxiety took over.
Anyway I am single again and struggling with being on my own, probably more out of fear and lonliness. Still going for my counselling and my babies are doing well although they don't have much contact with their dad, definitely improved relationships with dd.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and I apologise if it doesn't make much sense I just needed to get it out.
1. Didn't know where to start
2. Didn't know if I could/should still be posting
I have rarely any contact with stbxah, he has contacted me a few times about sorting the divorce out ourself without a solicitor, I have said no every time. He continues to delay, his solicitor doesn't reply to my solicitors letters for weeks or months at a time. My cross petition for unreasonable behaviour has been accepted by the court but he still hasn't responded via court he did send me a copy saying that he will only submit it if he has to and he's arguing over the house and his pension. The lies he has told makes me angry although I'm getting better at managing this and letting him get on with it. So still no divorce!!
You may recall I started dating and I posted about a guy and issues I was having but I had ended it......well we got back together shortly after that but the same issues continued he was very persuasive with his views and what he wanted and oh my could he go on about things for days. We had a hugh argument at Easter because of sex and something I wouldn't do and he began to question whether we were comparable and said that he had friends who if their wife/girlfri no wouldn't do this they would go elsewhere. After a week of not speaking I apologised to him for storming out
This continued but I have now ended it after he decided to take a job in London give up his house here but didn't even consider the impact on us. His view was that he would come home most weekends and we could stay at his mothers in his old bedroom. I began to accept that this guy didn't really care, had no interest in anything about me, my life, my kids or even respected my thoughts or feelings about anything. Every conversation we had was about him, he would ask how I was but wasn't interested as he would cut me off or launch into him, it was all about him!! The last straw for me was when I had a 2 day internal inquiry into the death of a young person I worked with who died a few years ago. This was a very difficult and emotional time for me, I worked with this girl for 4 years almost on a daily basis. Cut a long story short I told him what was going on he didn't even reply or ask how I was until the following morning, I rang him that night and literally he was on the phone for about 5 minutes. I got angry later with him and said that he wasn't there for me but apparently he was.
Yet I went back time and time again, changing who I had become to try and please him, make him happy so he wouldn't leave. I know I was desperate and needy and very insecure. I always came back to what is it about me, I can fix this, even though deep down I knew he was being selfish and thoughtless throughout, my anxiety took over.
Anyway I am single again and struggling with being on my own, probably more out of fear and lonliness. Still going for my counselling and my babies are doing well although they don't have much contact with their dad, definitely improved relationships with dd.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and I apologise if it doesn't make much sense I just needed to get it out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hey butterfly,
Just know that I am 6 1/2 years divorced and I still come here, and I trust this forum more then I trust myself. It's all about a recovery period , and so many of us have so many outstanding issues that we deal with all the time, that I think it's best sometimes to be amongst friends who you feel comfortable with.
Just keep posting here, you are with friends and family that care about you.
(((((((hugs))))))))
amy
Just know that I am 6 1/2 years divorced and I still come here, and I trust this forum more then I trust myself. It's all about a recovery period , and so many of us have so many outstanding issues that we deal with all the time, that I think it's best sometimes to be amongst friends who you feel comfortable with.
Just keep posting here, you are with friends and family that care about you.
(((((((hugs))))))))
amy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
Good to hear from you butterfly. I think about you often and wondered how you were doing! Hey , I'm over a year past divorce and don't think I'll be leaving anytime soon. The support here is amazing and to help others is even more fulfilling. Please keep posting!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Butterfly. It's really good to hear from you, and especially good to hear the kids are doing well.
Butterfly, I will be honest like always, and just say what I think. I think you need to learn to be happy alone for a while. Learn to love being Butterfly. Once you are happy being you, alone, you will attract the right person.
That is just my .2
Sending lots of hugs!
Butterfly, I will be honest like always, and just say what I think. I think you need to learn to be happy alone for a while. Learn to love being Butterfly. Once you are happy being you, alone, you will attract the right person.
That is just my .2
Sending lots of hugs!
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone.
Hawkeye the kids are doing great, DD is still working away and she went back to college part time as well. DS is still not going to education and although he did have a full time job he recently left. I was trying to tell him he has to stick with it until he finds another job, can't just quit because he doesn't like it but stbxah told him that it was probably for the best if he left. But what else can I expect from him. So he left his job yesterday but in fairness to him he has been looking and applying for jobs since. Apart from that he is doing well and appears more settled.
I know you are all right I do need to spend time on my own. I thought well I've been on my own for over a year and half that's the longest ever il be fine, but no I'm still too insecure, needy and anxious, no wonder this guy said I was messing him about I ended it that often then wanted to work it out! I'm still a mess I guess.
How do you start to love yourself or even like yourself when you've hated yourself for 40 years and carried feelings of worthlessness. I've tried the positive affirmations but you have to believe those for them to work. Urgh I've tried so many things I feel like I'm back to the beginning of my recovery!!
Hawkeye the kids are doing great, DD is still working away and she went back to college part time as well. DS is still not going to education and although he did have a full time job he recently left. I was trying to tell him he has to stick with it until he finds another job, can't just quit because he doesn't like it but stbxah told him that it was probably for the best if he left
. But what else can I expect from him. So he left his job yesterday but in fairness to him he has been looking and applying for jobs since. Apart from that he is doing well and appears more settled. I know you are all right I do need to spend time on my own. I thought well I've been on my own for over a year and half that's the longest ever il be fine, but no I'm still too insecure, needy and anxious, no wonder this guy said I was messing him about I ended it that often then wanted to work it out! I'm still a mess I guess.
How do you start to love yourself or even like yourself when you've hated yourself for 40 years and carried feelings of worthlessness. I've tried the positive affirmations but you have to believe those for them to work. Urgh I've tried so many things I feel like I'm back to the beginning of my recovery!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
Hugs, Butterfly.
In some ways I think it's like changing the lense on a camera. You learn to see yourself differently, even if you're the same person.
I really think it would be good to pledge to be single for a while- until you adore yourself...
If you really don't like yourself, maybe write down why. Take a look at it later with an open mind. Maybe take it to a coffee shop (different scenery) for the start of "Project Butterfly". Look at it honestly. Probably some things you'll write aren't valid. Pledge to change your self-talk on them and become positive. Some may be valid (and even hard to write). Think about actions you can take to change those. Only you can do that. Take baby steps to eliminate them. This is tough, but I promise that it works!!
As an example, I hated myself for having stayed with XAH so long and what it did to the kids, that I couldn't take back. I can't change that. It is our past. But I vowed to be more present with them even though it was a major struggle, because I was depressed and they were acting out. (Of course they were.) I fought every day to do at least one thing in the right direction with them, with my eye on the new family I wanted to create with them. It was very hard. But as I've posted lately, I am so blessed that they are amazing kids! We ARE that family--hundreds times better than before. I could look at this two ways:
1) why didn't I do this sooner, look at how many years they lost, or
2) wow. I'm incredible for climbing that mountain, showing up every day, and building the motherhood I wanted.
If I choose 1 I'll lose every time. I choose 2, even when 1 creeps in.
Smaller things too--if I feel useless, or alone, or incompetent...then I choose an action that will change it, and go for it even if it's scary. (For me that was meetup groups, starting new hobbies, volunteering, teaching myself via the Internet to do something I have no idea about...)
Volunteering is a big one. I remember a while back reading an article about how anyone suffering from depression or low self esteem should volunteer--because it's virtually impossible for them to coexist simultaneously.
You can build self-love. Believe that you can, and go do it!! I believe in you!
In some ways I think it's like changing the lense on a camera. You learn to see yourself differently, even if you're the same person.
I really think it would be good to pledge to be single for a while- until you adore yourself...
If you really don't like yourself, maybe write down why. Take a look at it later with an open mind. Maybe take it to a coffee shop (different scenery) for the start of "Project Butterfly". Look at it honestly. Probably some things you'll write aren't valid. Pledge to change your self-talk on them and become positive. Some may be valid (and even hard to write). Think about actions you can take to change those. Only you can do that. Take baby steps to eliminate them. This is tough, but I promise that it works!!
As an example, I hated myself for having stayed with XAH so long and what it did to the kids, that I couldn't take back. I can't change that. It is our past. But I vowed to be more present with them even though it was a major struggle, because I was depressed and they were acting out. (Of course they were.) I fought every day to do at least one thing in the right direction with them, with my eye on the new family I wanted to create with them. It was very hard. But as I've posted lately, I am so blessed that they are amazing kids! We ARE that family--hundreds times better than before. I could look at this two ways:
1) why didn't I do this sooner, look at how many years they lost, or
2) wow. I'm incredible for climbing that mountain, showing up every day, and building the motherhood I wanted.
If I choose 1 I'll lose every time. I choose 2, even when 1 creeps in.
Smaller things too--if I feel useless, or alone, or incompetent...then I choose an action that will change it, and go for it even if it's scary. (For me that was meetup groups, starting new hobbies, volunteering, teaching myself via the Internet to do something I have no idea about...)
Volunteering is a big one. I remember a while back reading an article about how anyone suffering from depression or low self esteem should volunteer--because it's virtually impossible for them to coexist simultaneously.
You can build self-love. Believe that you can, and go do it!! I believe in you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I think that Praying has given some really, really, really good advice!!!
I think the willingness to do something different..even if it is outside of one's comfort area is the secret that is essential to All change.....
dandylion
I think the willingness to do something different..even if it is outside of one's comfort area is the secret that is essential to All change.....
dandylion
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Butterfly, great to hear from you again. You do seem to attract men who take advantage of you, but it doesn't have to be like that forever.
Are you still seeing your therapist? Maybe she could give you some pointers on working on your self-esteem. Possibly a book or some project you could work on in your own time; there's plenty of sources out there, and you can't cover everything in a one hour session.
I think I've mentioned this before, but many years ago I read a book called 'When I say No I Feel Guilty' which was a very practical guide to sticking up for yourself without completely alienating your loved ones. It had real examples and things you could practice, plus being an easy read.
Also I suggest you sit down an write all the ways you've made progress in the last years, because you have come a long way and you're doing really well. OK it took you a while to break it off with selfish guy, but you got there eventually.
I'm glad things are going well with the kids, especially DD. Remember how much trouble you had with her, and how standing up for yourself made both of you happier?
Are you still seeing your therapist? Maybe she could give you some pointers on working on your self-esteem. Possibly a book or some project you could work on in your own time; there's plenty of sources out there, and you can't cover everything in a one hour session.
I think I've mentioned this before, but many years ago I read a book called 'When I say No I Feel Guilty' which was a very practical guide to sticking up for yourself without completely alienating your loved ones. It had real examples and things you could practice, plus being an easy read.
Also I suggest you sit down an write all the ways you've made progress in the last years, because you have come a long way and you're doing really well. OK it took you a while to break it off with selfish guy, but you got there eventually.
I'm glad things are going well with the kids, especially DD. Remember how much trouble you had with her, and how standing up for yourself made both of you happier?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Butterfly, I think I remember that you were reading "Co-Dependent No More".....?? If so..did you know that there is a companion workbook that goes with it...
You might benefit from the workbook.
I remember that you mother was quite cruel in her deserting of you over and over....I would like to ask you if either of your parents drank....If so, I am thinking that the face to face human connection that you would get from
Adult Children of Alcohilics...would be very healing for you. (you have suffered in similar ways)
I know that you are in or near London....and London is a pretty happening place...do they have any meetings there??
dandylion
You might benefit from the workbook.
I remember that you mother was quite cruel in her deserting of you over and over....I would like to ask you if either of your parents drank....If so, I am thinking that the face to face human connection that you would get from
Adult Children of Alcohilics...would be very healing for you. (you have suffered in similar ways)
I know that you are in or near London....and London is a pretty happening place...do they have any meetings there??
dandylion
Loving a more peaceful life
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: England
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by dandylion 
I know that you are in or near London....and London is a pretty happening place...do they have any meetings there??
dandylion
dandylion
Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics,
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone.
Praying I've felt so much guilt over staying so long with stbxah and my counsellor and I are working through that, yes I could beat myself up for the rest of my life or I could be thankful for what I did do for my children to try and protect them from him. When he first left I was told here that one day I would look back and recognise that what he actually did by leaving was a gift and that's how I look at it now, it was a beautiful gift. I use to volunteer years ago when I was at university and I loved it but unfortunately I don't have time anymore, I'm currently working 2 jobs just to try and save for my solicitor bill when it comes in. I will try the other things you suggested thank you.
Feelinggreat yes still with my counsellor, one of the things we are working on is changing my core belief from I'm not good enough, it's my fault you know those negative thoughts I have of myself. We have come up with one to start with, I matter and I accept who I am. The difficulty is that I am not very good at looking at the evidence to support it!! I've just started reading the gifts of imperfection, let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are by brene brown. I wish I could se the progress I've made apart from the fact that I'm not in floods of tears every minute of every day lol but thank you. Here's the thing yes I know this guy was selfish and it really was all about him but I have my faults and I think my expectations may be too high plus the times I tried to tell him it wasn't working only to go back on my decision when he would contact me again, I can see why he said I was messing him about!!
Dandylion, i live in Northern Ireland lol. I have read that book but have misplaced it somewhere in the house, I have the second book but haven't started it yet. I was going to alanon and I enjoyed meeting other people but I stopped going when I met that guy because only a Friday night suited him to see me as Saturday night was reserved in case his friends wanted to go out. Friday night didn't suit me as my meeting was a Saturday morning and I was exhausted from working all week but still I met up with him on the Friday night. I'm not really a big drinker but when I was with him I would have drank, as he liked a drink, sometimes a bit too much and there would have been times where he would have drank a few days in a row and even got up the next morning to have a drink, it was a "cure". Anyway I drank when I was with him so would have stayed up to early hours of the morning, and not going to my alanon meeting. dont get me wrong it was nice to be able to have a nice relaxing drink without becoming tearful and upset but I questioned why I did this when I wouldn't normally drink!!
I'm not sure about whether my parents drinking would be classed as a problem. My dad once commented that mum drank too much when we were younger but I don't remember. I remember them going out and my mum being drunk but I don't recall it being a regular thing. My mums main issue was depression and I know she spent a period of time in a psychiatric unit after I was born, not sure what age I was. My parents relationship was not healthy, as you know she walked out many many times and there was lots of arguments for long periods and she wouldn't speak to me for days sometimes weeks on end. I never knew where she was when she left but she always came back when my dad went after her and whatever was said she came home again for a while. Many of these arguments were about my dads affair, which I found out about when I was 11/12?? My dad told me apparently he kicked mum and the three of us out only to come beg mum to come home a few weeks later but she never forgive him and it was cast up at every argument and she would go weeks at a time not speaking to him or me. This is probably where I get it from in that I can't let things go and continue to bring things up.
I asked my friend recently what I did wrong with the recent guy and she said I couldn't let things go, when a new issue arose I brought up things he'd done previously. I tried to explain to her yes but he'd been messing me about from day one and it's still the same issues, not confirming dates, not making a commitment to even one night until the last minute or cancelling at the last minute and everything always being his way, his views and not accepting or respecting my views on things. Anyway she said yes but you don't have to bring up those issues.
I get so confused sometimes about what is my anxiety, what I'm overreacting to, overthinking, reading into things too much or nor enough!! Urghhhhh
Thank you tentindependent for the,list, I wish I did live in London
Praying I've felt so much guilt over staying so long with stbxah and my counsellor and I are working through that, yes I could beat myself up for the rest of my life or I could be thankful for what I did do for my children to try and protect them from him. When he first left I was told here that one day I would look back and recognise that what he actually did by leaving was a gift and that's how I look at it now, it was a beautiful gift. I use to volunteer years ago when I was at university and I loved it but unfortunately I don't have time anymore, I'm currently working 2 jobs just to try and save for my solicitor bill when it comes in. I will try the other things you suggested thank you.
Feelinggreat yes still with my counsellor, one of the things we are working on is changing my core belief from I'm not good enough, it's my fault you know those negative thoughts I have of myself. We have come up with one to start with, I matter and I accept who I am. The difficulty is that I am not very good at looking at the evidence to support it!! I've just started reading the gifts of imperfection, let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are by brene brown. I wish I could se the progress I've made apart from the fact that I'm not in floods of tears every minute of every day lol but thank you. Here's the thing yes I know this guy was selfish and it really was all about him but I have my faults and I think my expectations may be too high plus the times I tried to tell him it wasn't working only to go back on my decision when he would contact me again, I can see why he said I was messing him about!!
Dandylion, i live in Northern Ireland lol. I have read that book but have misplaced it somewhere in the house, I have the second book but haven't started it yet. I was going to alanon and I enjoyed meeting other people but I stopped going when I met that guy because only a Friday night suited him to see me as Saturday night was reserved in case his friends wanted to go out. Friday night didn't suit me as my meeting was a Saturday morning and I was exhausted from working all week but still I met up with him on the Friday night. I'm not really a big drinker but when I was with him I would have drank, as he liked a drink, sometimes a bit too much and there would have been times where he would have drank a few days in a row and even got up the next morning to have a drink, it was a "cure". Anyway I drank when I was with him so would have stayed up to early hours of the morning, and not going to my alanon meeting. dont get me wrong it was nice to be able to have a nice relaxing drink without becoming tearful and upset but I questioned why I did this when I wouldn't normally drink!!
I'm not sure about whether my parents drinking would be classed as a problem. My dad once commented that mum drank too much when we were younger but I don't remember. I remember them going out and my mum being drunk but I don't recall it being a regular thing. My mums main issue was depression and I know she spent a period of time in a psychiatric unit after I was born, not sure what age I was. My parents relationship was not healthy, as you know she walked out many many times and there was lots of arguments for long periods and she wouldn't speak to me for days sometimes weeks on end. I never knew where she was when she left but she always came back when my dad went after her and whatever was said she came home again for a while. Many of these arguments were about my dads affair, which I found out about when I was 11/12?? My dad told me apparently he kicked mum and the three of us out only to come beg mum to come home a few weeks later but she never forgive him and it was cast up at every argument and she would go weeks at a time not speaking to him or me. This is probably where I get it from in that I can't let things go and continue to bring things up.
I asked my friend recently what I did wrong with the recent guy and she said I couldn't let things go, when a new issue arose I brought up things he'd done previously. I tried to explain to her yes but he'd been messing me about from day one and it's still the same issues, not confirming dates, not making a commitment to even one night until the last minute or cancelling at the last minute and everything always being his way, his views and not accepting or respecting my views on things. Anyway she said yes but you don't have to bring up those issues.
I get so confused sometimes about what is my anxiety, what I'm overreacting to, overthinking, reading into things too much or nor enough!! Urghhhhh
Thank you tentindependent for the,list, I wish I did live in London
Baby Steps
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Wow just read honeypigs language of letting go post for today, intimacy. Certainly rang a few bells about how we can push people away with our behaviours, controlling, being needy etc. I'm wondering ok this guy I was dating did I deliberately sabotage it because I felt he was getting close to me and I got scared. I knew this guy couldn't give me what I wanted, someone to care for me, respect me, want to spend time with me, all the things that come with a healthy relationship, yes I know I'm. Not healthy, so I became anxious and needy, I wanted this guy to love me but any time I mentioned where we were going he freaked out told me he doesn't do commitment, when we argued he would avoid me for a few days/a week until I contacted him and apologised. I'm repeating the same behaviours that I I did with my stbxah, accepting responsibility for things, changing my routine to suit, apologising so they won't leave me, wanting them to be someone they're not or can't be. Instead of seeing the red flags in them and respecting myself enough to walk away. I am ashamed to say that I did contact him after I ended it to see if he wanted to sort things out!!
Does any of this make sense I'm not sure it does to me. Sorry for rambling
Does any of this make sense I'm not sure it does to me. Sorry for rambling
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Butterfly....I am sorry that I forgot that you live in Northern Ireland....now, that you jogged my memory...I do remember that you said that, one time.
I believe that I even told you that my ex was from Belfast!!....lol.....
I visited there once, and I loved that trip. Everyone was sooo nice to us....
dandylion
I believe that I even told you that my ex was from Belfast!!....lol.....
I visited there once, and I loved that trip. Everyone was sooo nice to us....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
butterfly, the only way to change our behavior is to CHANGE our behavior. we have to do things differently, even if its uncomfortable and icky. awareness of our actions can really svck if we continue to do the same things the same way we always did.
you ARE seeing things more clearly, and you are doing the forensics on your past. but just like the alcoholic or the addict, unless we STOP drinking or drugging or gambling or overeating, unless we STOP engaging in the same harmful behaviors, we simply cannot make true progress.
so now.....you are OUT of the relationship. you are unencumbered. this is your new jumping off point. enforce No Contact on YOURSELF. commit to staying OUT of relationships for a good while....you NEED this time for YOU. so you can focus inward. and come back to yourself.
you ARE seeing things more clearly, and you are doing the forensics on your past. but just like the alcoholic or the addict, unless we STOP drinking or drugging or gambling or overeating, unless we STOP engaging in the same harmful behaviors, we simply cannot make true progress.
so now.....you are OUT of the relationship. you are unencumbered. this is your new jumping off point. enforce No Contact on YOURSELF. commit to staying OUT of relationships for a good while....you NEED this time for YOU. so you can focus inward. and come back to yourself.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Don't worry dandylion, despite its difficulties it's a beautiful place and we are a friendly bunch.
Thank you anvil, I think that's my problem I know my behaviours after, it's during I can't see them as I am so caught up in the anxiety and fear and will be full of doubts as to whether I'm over thinking or many other things I do or if I am right in how I feel about something.
I'm not ready to date, I may want to but I know I'm not in the right place, I don't trust my own judgement.
Thank you anvil, I think that's my problem I know my behaviours after, it's during I can't see them as I am so caught up in the anxiety and fear and will be full of doubts as to whether I'm over thinking or many other things I do or if I am right in how I feel about something.
I'm not ready to date, I may want to but I know I'm not in the right place, I don't trust my own judgement.
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