Confession
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
I drank this weekend. Not a true bender by any means, but any alcohol is bad for me.
It all started saturday evening. The friend that I was so mean to a couple of weeks ago, when I was drunk, texted me at 5:15 pm. He wanted to know if I wanted to go the casino 4 hours away for the night. I went. He knows I have an alcohol problem. He is pretty much in denial about his various addictions. (I feel gambling is one of them.) Within 15 minutes of being in the car he told me he didn't care if I had a few drinks, but he didn't want there to be a "drunk sinderos" or a "drunk sinderos' friend" (he put our names in there). Basically when we both get drunk that's when there are serious issues.
I debated the whole way there. Of course I was weak and drank. I only drank 4 drinks and then went to the room and went to bed. I knew I had to drive back and was determined not to miss a family get together. He literally stayed up all night drinking and gambling. At 7 am I found him at a table with a beer.
I made the decision last night to drink as well. Not much and I poured out the rest before going to bed last night.
This morning I am committing myself to 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I also realize now what people mean when they say they need to change their circle of friends. I don't think being friends with him is going to be in my best interest if I truly want to be sober. That makes me sad and is scary.
Even though I don't feel I totally blew it this weekend, I am starting at day 1 with more awareness and a determination to make a lot of positive changes the next 90 days. I think I will start a journal today. That will be a great way to see my overall progress.
It all started saturday evening. The friend that I was so mean to a couple of weeks ago, when I was drunk, texted me at 5:15 pm. He wanted to know if I wanted to go the casino 4 hours away for the night. I went. He knows I have an alcohol problem. He is pretty much in denial about his various addictions. (I feel gambling is one of them.) Within 15 minutes of being in the car he told me he didn't care if I had a few drinks, but he didn't want there to be a "drunk sinderos" or a "drunk sinderos' friend" (he put our names in there). Basically when we both get drunk that's when there are serious issues.
I debated the whole way there. Of course I was weak and drank. I only drank 4 drinks and then went to the room and went to bed. I knew I had to drive back and was determined not to miss a family get together. He literally stayed up all night drinking and gambling. At 7 am I found him at a table with a beer.
I made the decision last night to drink as well. Not much and I poured out the rest before going to bed last night.
This morning I am committing myself to 90 AA meetings in 90 days. I also realize now what people mean when they say they need to change their circle of friends. I don't think being friends with him is going to be in my best interest if I truly want to be sober. That makes me sad and is scary.
Even though I don't feel I totally blew it this weekend, I am starting at day 1 with more awareness and a determination to make a lot of positive changes the next 90 days. I think I will start a journal today. That will be a great way to see my overall progress.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
I think it's brilliant that you're being honest and I'm sorry that you ended up drinking.
That being said, a journal sounds like a great idea, it helps me a lot.
90 in 90 has been good for me. It's brought a lot of comfort, community and insight that I never had when I was drinking. Take it easy on yourself and just take it a minute at a time :-)
That being said, a journal sounds like a great idea, it helps me a lot.
90 in 90 has been good for me. It's brought a lot of comfort, community and insight that I never had when I was drinking. Take it easy on yourself and just take it a minute at a time :-)
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
The meeting plan sounds like a good one Sinderos. We cannot control other people's addictions or problems, only our own - so I agree that stepping back from relationships like the one you have with this individual is a good idea too.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Being honest is always a good thing for our recovery. Sounds like you have a good plan to start moving forward with. Put your recovery first in all areas of your life and I think you'll be amazed at the results.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Most of us do have bumps along the way. Sounds like you have a good plan to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. I would highly recommend you get a sponsor and work the steps too. In the mean time avoid people, places and things that could trigger another relapse.
You can do it!!
You can do it!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Thank you all for your encouragement. I texted my neighbor that I saw at AA saturday. We have scheduled lunch for Friday. I need to get out of my self made box where no one is allowed. It is imortant for my recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Sinderos, I'm so glad that you're here and committed to making sobriety work for you. Sadly, some of our friends will no longer fit in our healthy lifestyle, and that's okay. You will find that new people come into your life, too.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Do you want friends who undermine your sobriety ? Take you places a long way from safety where the focus is gambling and drinking ?
Sounds pretty toxic to me and if thats the kind of friendship they offer i think i'd pass .
Bestwishes, m
Sounds pretty toxic to me and if thats the kind of friendship they offer i think i'd pass .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Sinderos, I'm curious - you describe the friend asking you to go on quite a long (overnight) trip to a casino (!). Then full-stop: 'I went'. Do you remember what your thoughts and feelings were in between him asking, and you going, seemingly just like that?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
I'm glad you're back Sinderos. I agree that maybe this friend is not good for you, at least right now.
I also recommend playing the tape through - it was never very likely that you'd get through the trip sober - very few of us could have in early recovery.
If we want change we have to make change - and sometimes that change may not be easy or feel good at the time?
D
I also recommend playing the tape through - it was never very likely that you'd get through the trip sober - very few of us could have in early recovery.
If we want change we have to make change - and sometimes that change may not be easy or feel good at the time?
D
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