ACT10Npack

So I know when drinking has a live of little reason and a few big issues. For me starting is never come down to one reason alone. It will most likely be different issues at the time.

I think this time wrong, I started to drink to feel something. The last 11 months, I haven't I haven't really feel anything normal. Just going through the motion of life. Feeling numb most of the time. As in don't show most of any feeling to the outside world.

By answer that first question, I know some but not all the small reason I drink. Lucky enough I haven't started to use any hard drugs yet to my issues. If you don't know this, I'm 33 years old turning 34 in 6 months. I'm scared of growing old and dying which going on binge drinking is not a great way to deal with it because of the health issues. By being 33, I feel like time have stop time for me. Like me having being single, no kids, maybe no job soon with this last binge scares me. I know I suffer with depression which I have dealt with it when I'm not drinking. Also with that said, I don't thinking I have really face any my demons when I'm sober. Also putting on a mask to the world and not letting anyone in. Not letting anyone really know what's the real me.

I remember on Saturday (this last Saturday), I went to a restaurant having with a so call friend (just upset with him) and there was a group of people eating around us. Me sitting there and watching the people talk and having a good time. Just look at how fun they are having and me sitting there viewing the people and thinking why can't I have that type of normal enjoy life. Instead sitting on the side of things or the odd one out. I didn't drink that night because I was recovery from the week of drinking. Did I wanted to drink. Yes, to fit in and just to be normal or the social crowd. But like most of my daily routines, I hardly talk to anyone. I would only open my mouth if I need to ask a question or someone need me to something.

Now my alarm went off and need to get ready for work. If you read my last post you know that I'm nervous to go to work and see what will happen and what they would say. Would like to have a few more days to just clear my head but I can't do that now or at least have my body recovery with all the alcohol drinking I was doing.

Anyway, wish me luck and I hope the outcome is okay. Will check back with you guys and girls later on today.

PS; This is my longest post ever which I hope you don't get upset with my grammar because I can't look over it because I will get late to work. :-(

Dee74

It took me a while to learn how to have fun and be content as a non drinker. I think it takes a little work - it won't just fall out of the sky at you.

I knew if all did was just stop drinking, the same things that led me to drink would make me drink again.

D

suzie89

Hope all goes well at work today. Look forward to hearing your update later.

Eagle108

Good luck and let us know how it does at work.

Yogini1603

I wish you lots of luck at work. You're doing great and I think it's brilliant that you went out and didn't drink. Just take it easy on yourself - it's difficult being in those situations especially very early on.

You are doing well and whatever happens at work, don't lose focus of that. Sobriety is a huge thing and a massive step and nothing detracts from that :-)

Learning to operate without being numbed out is a huge step but with a few months sober now, it does get better. Living life numb, isn't really living at all and although some naff things have happened in my past few months of sobriety, the good stuff (even an amazing cup of coffee) feels GREAT and I never had any kind of excitement for weekends, activities, time with friends/family when I was drinking.

Delilah1

Good luck today at work. Sometimes fear of the unknown is worse than the known. I hope that is the case for you. Let us know how you are doing later.:-)

Anna

I hope that things go well at work. I'm glad you are making this work and you will begin to feel more comfortable in social situations.

CaseyW

Let us know how it goes today, ACT10Npack. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

ACT10Npack

I'm at work now. I had a little talk with the boss but will talk to him later on today because there is work that I'm behind that needs to be finish.

AdelineRose

I'm sorry you are struggling and aren't feeling content with life or what it has to offer at the moment.

I thought I would immediately feel wonderful once I got sober. I didn't realize how much work I would have to put into recovery in order to find true happiness and to feel content with where I was in life.

Counseling can be a huge tool to figuring things out and ways to handle stress. Counseling has been a life savior for me. Another thing that has a huge help has been that I went and got a full psychological examination with a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction and through that I found out that I am not just depressed or have anxiety prone, but that I also have bipolar type 2 disorder. Being properly diagnosed and getting on the proper medication has allowed me to move forward and actually excel in life socially and in other ways.

The longer you stay sober, the more opportunities you will have to grow and to tweak things that you don't like in your life or the way things are going. Recovery takes a lot of effort and isn't as smooth as we picture it in our minds.

I hope everything goes okay at work today and that you don't give up on yourself and your recovery, you can do it!

ACT10Npack

Well, it will have to wait until tomorrow. The guy had to leave work early to see his sick child. I really feel like I'm getting too many chances.

Feeling down still but I think it's just the body recovering from the alcohol I drank those 6 days. But I do feel good that my relapse are getting longer to get to. I remember just a 5 years I could only get maybe 3 weeks until I needed a drink.