Eliasson

It's almost 2am. I had a great Mother's Day. Everyone is asleep, but there's still alcohol left on the house (my husband went out and bought it for me) and I can't go to sleep til its gone. That is sick. I am sick. But it won't change, I know that. I have so much admiration for everyone here who has managed to obtain sobriety. I'm all alone tho, and I can't do it. Im sorry to bother y'all once again. I just honestly have no where else to turn.

joandmelandhan

You can do it! I am only on day 6 and I won't lie it's hard. But just committing to one day is a massive start....try to give your 100% into it. Just for 1 day. Give it a go and keep posting here. There are some amazingly supportive people. I wish you lots of luck.

Dee74

It can change Eliasson - you have to believe that.

It will take effort and time and probably a little fear and frustration too - but if you can reach out here, or elsewhere, before you drink, you can stay as sober as the rest of us.

Honestly - there's no magic to it, and I don;t believe that staying sober is beyond anyone. It's not easy - but it is possible

You got a lot of great suggestions in your options thread - have you had the chance to follow any of those up yet?

You can't throw in the towel now - there's too many things left for you to try

what about pouring out whatevers left , drinking some water , and going to bed?

D

Eliasson

Thank you so much. I will never stop.tryjng but it's so hard. My husband wants me drinking and doesn't understand this. Thank you so much for your encouraging words.

Flossyteacake

Just wanted to send some support, too. Hang in there.

Dee74

I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand - that makes it harder, but still not impossible.

You said he bought booze for you - did you ask for the booze or he did just bring it home?

Either way you can still make a firm commitment to not drinking, with support

You need to do whats best for *you* Eliasson - you're worth the effort

D

Eliasson

Thank you Dee. I'll pour the rest out and pray for a successful day tomorrow. I'm really afraid this will kill me, one way or another. I can't believe I've failed at this so many times and you are still talking to me. Thank you.

Dee74

Heck, I was you not too long ago, Eliasson

D

Fabela

I'm so glad that you're reaching out, Eliasson. Pour that poison down the drain and go to bed. You'll be so happy in the morning.

Eliasson

Dee
I didn't ask for it. I've tried over and over to tell him I'm an alcoholic. That I feel suicidal when I drink. That it makes my lupus worse. I know he loves me, but I just don't understand why he brought a giant bottle of my favorite wine home. He doesn't understand.

Dee74

Yeah - that makes it harder - but in a sense all of us have to get sober in a world of alcohol.

Hopefully the more you refuse the wine, the more it should make him think about bringing more home?

D

Eliasson

The people I know in AA don't want anything to do with me because I can't do it right. I feel like I've let everyone down. I hate myself so much I don't know how to change that. Im grateful to the people here who never give up on me. Im just not sure I'm one of the survivors, and so in awe of those of you who are. Thank you for helping me not feel quite so alone.

Dee74

I'm sure things will look better in the morning Eliasson.
I feared people would give up on me too but they didn't

I don't know the details but if the AA group you're in wasn't helpful to you, mebbe find another one?

D

Fabela

E, I remember seeing a documentary about a man who loved big women, and he married this woman and started feeding her to get her as big as possible, and soon she was addicted to food. She ended up weighing more than 500 lbs and she was practically a prisoner in her own home. I thought of her when I read about you. Your husband is feeding your addiction, and if he won't listen to you, you need to raise your voice. You HAVE TO make him understand. This can't go on. I hope you can make him understand how important this is for you, that your life depends on it.

Eliasson

Thank you so much. This site is where I've found the most support and acceptance, no matter how much I screw up. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that. I'll never stop trying mostly because of y'all, and I hope someday I'll be a success story.

Dee74

I have no doubt - if I did it, you can too Eliasson

D

Eliasson

Thank you so much for the hope and the love and understanding. Everyone. Y'all are such an inspiration to me. I'm going to work on coming on here before I take the drink. Why is this stuff legal? It is killing me

Dee74

Its never too late to start Chapter Two Eliasson

Eliasson

But honestly, without it, I am boring, ugly, and so tense. I hope I can learn to be comfortable and slightly confident without it.

least

You can learn to live without it. I promise. It's hard at first but it's so worth it.