CharlesG

Hello I am Charles. It kills me that I am so into recovering but only after I fail again. I've been clean from drinks for maybe three months and marijuana for two but fooled around and used codeine last week. Now after the long days of sleeping and feeling like crap I am fully in the lifestyle of becoming sober, linking up with my sponsor, becoming aware of my binging elsewhere and committing to prayer and being this way. The only problem I see with that is that I feel like I wait until I feel like messing up again to do this. While yes, I've been clean for over two months from everything else, just last week and before I hadn't gone to any meetings, avoided my sponsor and felt miserable, Hung around users twenty four seven and hadn't even posted anything on SR in months. I notice this cycle being a recurring thing in my life. How do you guys stay motivated for extended amounts of time? How and what has helped you continue to push on as enthusiastic as you were when first starting?
Thanks again, Charles

least

It helps me want to stay sober to wake up feeling good every day. It helps that my sober life is so much better than my drinking life. But most of all, I want to be sober more than I could ever want to drink.

OfEpiphany

Because it's going to take more than 2-3 months to unwind your mental addiction to booze and marijuana. You're addicted simple as that. And the mental addiction is going to linger around for a long time until that habit is broken down with sobriety

Dime

Unfortunately it takes many of us (years for me) a long time before we want to stay sober more than we want to drink/get high. I didn't believe that the only answer for me was total abstinence. When I first tried to control my drinking and failed miserably my family, life, friends were all still good.

Because I went on drinking for years I totally ruined my finances, family life and destroyed my friends. It is true that it only gets worse and never gets better. Get off that down elevator earlier and recovery is so much easier.

Anna

Charles, it's good that you had two or three months sober. It seems to me like you are able to stop, but having trouble staying stopped. For me, I had to make many changes in my life besides stopping drinking. What kind of things can you do on a daily basis to help support your recovery?

CharlesG

I'm committing to going to AA meetings, working the steps, staying in contact with my sponsor every day and taking it easy on myself. Plenty of rest and a clean home. I'm an addict and I have to build a new life for myself, beating myself up is something that I don't want to make space for..

entropy1964

Hi Charles
I'm on day 6, starting over, again. But when I achieved two years I did that by having a daily plan for staying sober. That meant making a list the night before of everything I needed to accomplish (even stuff like organize linen closet) and this always included some kind of recovery work. Be it a meeting, a meditation group, what have you. And I forced myself to complete that list each day. It kept me focused and kept my time spoken for. I am doing that again now...actually today is the first day. That seems to help me.

CaseyW

Honestly, CharlesG, some days we just have to fake it until we make it. The days when I don't feel like going to a meeting or writing in here or asking someone for help are usually the days I need it the most, so I'm trying to make myself do those things no matter what. It's good you're recognizing these feelings and thoughts in yourself and trying to do something about them. I wish you the best today...

AnvilheadII

i think we to accept that SOBER isn't going to be at all like USING was.....we aren't going to get the same type of RUSH out of learning how to live life on life's terms, on a daily basis. that is not to say life will be BORING, not at all - just very different. but if we stick with it, over time, consistently, we will be so much more PRESENT to life - see more, hear more, feel more of the life all around us. our emotional spectrum will widen and fill in, more subtlety, less manic.

and some days we just gotta slog thru it all......the day the basement floods, or the washing machine craps out, or the dog gets loose. when the power goes out the day AFTER we just stocked the freezer full of meat. or we're stuck in traffic for 2.5 hours. these things happen....

so we suit up,show up and don't use no matter what.

MIRecovery

My recovery has become part of my life. I have come to the conclusion as long as I do what I need to do I stay sober. I guess it is surrender. I am always going to be an addict, That is just the way it is and I just am going to have to do what I need to forever. You know what? I'm just fine that. The amount of time and effort I put into staying sober is so much less than being an addict

Sobriety is my new life plain and simple

IvanMike

double post see below

IvanMike

Commitment is following through on the decision to do something long after the feeling you had when you made the decision has passed.

Recovery is something you have to work at every day. Addiction/the AV, whatever you want to call it, that just shows up on its own.

The "work" of recovery where you're at isn't all that complicated. Don't use, go to a meeting, stay connected, read the literature, talk to your sponsor, don't go where people who are using are, don't be around alcohol and other drugs.

lather, rinse repeat. That is, do that today, and do it the next day. And the day after that.

Part of the deal is living up to your commitment to recovery means having the perseverance to continue to do those things even when you don't feel like it, and even when it doesn't seem like anything is happening.

As addicts, we have become accustomed to instant gratification. That's not how recovery works.

Para

Thank you for this post & replies. I can sober up for a few weeks/months...then I go binge drink.

The info in this post is so useful for me.

bemyself

Hi Charles, it's great that you've really seen your patterns that lead back to using. It's taken me a while too, and that includes dusting myself off and not twisting n turning endlessly (after a period of reflection) - the latter inevitably, for me, is dangerous and often leads me right back down to what I was trying to avoid: being re-trapped in addictive thinking and then actions.

All the commenters here have made great points, but I do confess that Ivan's especially got to the heart of it. I say 'confess' because yeah, sometimes (often, even) it's hard, damned hard!

We're with you, Charles! Let's keep doing this!

LadyBlue0527

I think we always want to believe that we can control it. Unfortunately it takes an earth shattering event sometimes to make the final decision and that's where I am now.

If it helps you any I can tell you that the 19 months I spent sober were the happiest in my adult life. It took some getting used to but being accountable was the best. To know that I would always be the real me.

This can be done, you have to want it. It gets better and better but takes a little while to see that. Truly see it.

Berrybean

It's not a case of beating ourselves up, but we do need to make changes. If we apply the principles of AA and our step work to all our affairs, then we will be making changes. Prayer and meditation each morning make this a daily focus for me and thousands upon thousands of people. And even that prayer and meditation was a change. Reflecting at the end of each day in my part in things, and thinking about what I could have done differently for a better outcome. Not beating up on myself, but being reflective so that I can learn from mistakes and be best placed to put things right. That's what makes life feel better now (not always straightforwardly easier, as taking responsibility for myself is still a bit new and can challenge my brain a bit).

I think once we are far enough from our own rock bottoms that it would be easy to become forgetful or complacent about out reasons for quitting, then that's why Step 12 work with other alcoholics or addicts is so important. It is a start reminder of where we came from and how we have changed ourselves and our lives, and that we don't want to hold back.

If you are working the steps, then there will be some changes. Subtle things perhaps. You have probably already made some changes. For example, some of my changes related to the common HALT triggers and how I would plan to avoid them, or how I would deal with them when they came up. Yeah, yeah - some more of that boring personal responsibility malarkey. And none of it is rocket science after all. It's a just a case of thinking about it and doing it.