What are my options?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
What are my options?
I've tried AA so many times. I know we are all human and maybe it's not the program and is all me, but for whatever reason it hasn't worked for me.
I do have an appt with a counselor Wednesday, but honestly, is it possible for me to be sober without a 12 step program? I'm worried there is no hope for me.
Everyone here who knows me knows I'm a chronic relapser. I hate that about myself. Most people in the program won't even talk to me anymore. This just reinforces my negative self esteem. So thank you for being the one place I can come and not feel all alone, no matter what.
I'm going to make it one day.
I do have an appt with a counselor Wednesday, but honestly, is it possible for me to be sober without a 12 step program? I'm worried there is no hope for me.
Everyone here who knows me knows I'm a chronic relapser. I hate that about myself. Most people in the program won't even talk to me anymore. This just reinforces my negative self esteem. So thank you for being the one place I can come and not feel all alone, no matter what.
I'm going to make it one day.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Chronic relapser means you're persistent. That's a good thing to be. I'm sorry you're struggling and don't mean to be flip about that part of it at all. I just mean that you haven't given up. That means a lot.
I don't use AA much, although I do sometimes and I did the steps. But I do other things... daily yoga, daily SR... with the kind of regularity that others do AA. Do you have a non-12-step plan?
I don't use AA much, although I do sometimes and I did the steps. But I do other things... daily yoga, daily SR... with the kind of regularity that others do AA. Do you have a non-12-step plan?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
Hi Eliasson,
What angers me so much about what you've shared is that people within AA are unwilling to talk to you because of your relapsing. Excuse my language but that is B.S. on their part, because someone struggling with their addiction to alcohol (aka the newcomer) is supposed to be the most important person in AA. Shame on that room, we pray for those each day who are still suffering in and out of those rooms, and they have to audacity to shun you because of your struggle. If the founders of AA had given up on 'chronic relapsers', AA would have never survived and helped others get past their addiction to alcohol. They need to start reading their big book, or get hit by one(lol). I don't know if you have multiple AA meetings in your community, but maybe a different room from the present location you have been attending would be best.
There are in fact many other venues outside of AA. I think you're taking the right step by pursuing counseling, as this sort of setting is more intimate and may help you to discover the root cause of your drinking. I don't know your religious affiliation or lack of one but Celebrate Recovery could be a good venue for someone who wants a Christian perspective to recovery from alcohol. fantail's suggestion in finding a hobby for yourself is also a great idea. More often than not, when we distract ourselves from the thing we obsess over, that powerlessness we once had over it begins to diminish. I happen to like weight lifting, bike riding, or doing things to help the community like cleaning up my beach near my neighborhood. SMART Recovery could be a good option for you as well(Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ). I personally haven't used or studied it much, but I have heard of it as a viable alternative.
All in all don't give up! Your AA group may not be the best, but you can lean on us here in SR--no one would shun another simply because they have relapsed. Our hands are always extended out to those who need us.
What angers me so much about what you've shared is that people within AA are unwilling to talk to you because of your relapsing. Excuse my language but that is B.S. on their part, because someone struggling with their addiction to alcohol (aka the newcomer) is supposed to be the most important person in AA. Shame on that room, we pray for those each day who are still suffering in and out of those rooms, and they have to audacity to shun you because of your struggle. If the founders of AA had given up on 'chronic relapsers', AA would have never survived and helped others get past their addiction to alcohol. They need to start reading their big book, or get hit by one(lol). I don't know if you have multiple AA meetings in your community, but maybe a different room from the present location you have been attending would be best.
There are in fact many other venues outside of AA. I think you're taking the right step by pursuing counseling, as this sort of setting is more intimate and may help you to discover the root cause of your drinking. I don't know your religious affiliation or lack of one but Celebrate Recovery could be a good venue for someone who wants a Christian perspective to recovery from alcohol. fantail's suggestion in finding a hobby for yourself is also a great idea. More often than not, when we distract ourselves from the thing we obsess over, that powerlessness we once had over it begins to diminish. I happen to like weight lifting, bike riding, or doing things to help the community like cleaning up my beach near my neighborhood. SMART Recovery could be a good option for you as well(Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ). I personally haven't used or studied it much, but I have heard of it as a viable alternative.
All in all don't give up! Your AA group may not be the best, but you can lean on us here in SR--no one would shun another simply because they have relapsed. Our hands are always extended out to those who need us.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
From one chronic relapser to another: Don't quit trying 10 minutes before the miracle happens.
Good on you for going to that counselor next week. Stick close to here too. You can do this. We all can do this.
Good on you for going to that counselor next week. Stick close to here too. You can do this. We all can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
Just like you, i've had the chronic relapses. I've tried AA as well, and it is not for me.
I find that even though in AA, all that you need to join is a desire to stop drinking, many AA members (that had a few years of sobriety) would be judgemental of the chronic relapsers. I also had a sponsor tell me that she had no time for me as I was relapsing and there were other girls that wanted to be sober and she was going to go help them. And I had called her asking for help. This is just my experience.
Many people have success with AA.
What is helping me is making a plan. I try to plan out my day on a daily basis and work hard to stick to it. Just keep yourself busy with other hobbies and try not to be alone. Alone is when I start obsessing about a drink or when i'll go buy booze.
Just because you're a "chronic relapser" doesn't mean you're a lost cause. You can beat this. Just make the choice to be sober and stick to your plan.
I find that even though in AA, all that you need to join is a desire to stop drinking, many AA members (that had a few years of sobriety) would be judgemental of the chronic relapsers. I also had a sponsor tell me that she had no time for me as I was relapsing and there were other girls that wanted to be sober and she was going to go help them. And I had called her asking for help. This is just my experience.
Many people have success with AA.
What is helping me is making a plan. I try to plan out my day on a daily basis and work hard to stick to it. Just keep yourself busy with other hobbies and try not to be alone. Alone is when I start obsessing about a drink or when i'll go buy booze.
Just because you're a "chronic relapser" doesn't mean you're a lost cause. You can beat this. Just make the choice to be sober and stick to your plan.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I didn't do AA but I stopped drinking, so maybe your way will end up being AA, or maybe not Eliasson?
Whatever you do - commit to doing everything you can not to take that first drink, and you'll be on a firm base.
D
Whatever you do - commit to doing everything you can not to take that first drink, and you'll be on a firm base.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hello, sorry you are still struggling. Yes, you can get sober without AA, many of my friends have, but it is so important to commit to something.
I would have counted myself as a serial relapser a few months ago too, but that label becomes self-defeating as once we start thinking of ourselves as that, hope starts diminishing.
I now class myself as a non-drinker, and although I only have 3 months of sobriety so far, everything has changed for me. It seems to me that once I truly made that decision to stop, once I started getting really honest with my loved ones and myself, I started on surer footing.
Yes you can do it. Stop thinking of yourself as a serial relapser, and start thinking of yourself as a non-drinker. That's the first step. You can do this. I believe in you
I would have counted myself as a serial relapser a few months ago too, but that label becomes self-defeating as once we start thinking of ourselves as that, hope starts diminishing.
I now class myself as a non-drinker, and although I only have 3 months of sobriety so far, everything has changed for me. It seems to me that once I truly made that decision to stop, once I started getting really honest with my loved ones and myself, I started on surer footing.
Yes you can do it. Stop thinking of yourself as a serial relapser, and start thinking of yourself as a non-drinker. That's the first step. You can do this. I believe in you
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Having & sticking to a plan or programme is essential
Reaching out is essential
Find your Acceptance know in your heart you can't drink safely or responsibly that won't change & until you stay sober things will keep getting worse
I believe you want to stay sober but only you can decide if your going stay sober or not
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Reaching out is essential
Find your Acceptance know in your heart you can't drink safely or responsibly that won't change & until you stay sober things will keep getting worse
I believe you want to stay sober but only you can decide if your going stay sober or not
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Eliasson, I love what fantail said, a chronic relapser means you are persistent and haven't given up. That is a great thing! And I also love what Casey said, don't quit 10 minutes before the miracle happens.
I too was desperate. If you are bored you can go back and read my posts where I struggled through relapse after relapse publicly and privately. I was at my wits end. People kept telling me I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink, and while I agree with that in theory I thought, jesus, is there anyone on this planet who wants to be sober more that I do? I felt in my heart and soul that I wanted to be sober, I couldn't understand why I couldn't make anything work for me when I wanted it so bad and felt like I was working at it. I posted on here, embarrassing post anger embarrassing post and finally ended up at rehab. That seems to be the thing that has clicked with me. I am not sure what is different this time but something is. Something really is. I know, I know, people told me to go to rehab for YEARS and pushed against it, but in reality it flew by, was worth all of the work I had to do to arrange childcare, work stuff, etc. I am finally getting my life back, I wake up with a smile, I walk out of my house with my head held high and no shame. I am still working on gaining back trust and cleaning up the messes I made, but it is so much easier sober. Life is not perfect, but it is great and I am so glad I took the plunge and went to rehab, it saved my life. Please consider it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ab-report.html
I too was desperate. If you are bored you can go back and read my posts where I struggled through relapse after relapse publicly and privately. I was at my wits end. People kept telling me I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink, and while I agree with that in theory I thought, jesus, is there anyone on this planet who wants to be sober more that I do? I felt in my heart and soul that I wanted to be sober, I couldn't understand why I couldn't make anything work for me when I wanted it so bad and felt like I was working at it. I posted on here, embarrassing post anger embarrassing post and finally ended up at rehab. That seems to be the thing that has clicked with me. I am not sure what is different this time but something is. Something really is. I know, I know, people told me to go to rehab for YEARS and pushed against it, but in reality it flew by, was worth all of the work I had to do to arrange childcare, work stuff, etc. I am finally getting my life back, I wake up with a smile, I walk out of my house with my head held high and no shame. I am still working on gaining back trust and cleaning up the messes I made, but it is so much easier sober. Life is not perfect, but it is great and I am so glad I took the plunge and went to rehab, it saved my life. Please consider it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ab-report.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
You may want to see what other means you can get for support since if you're relapsing, you need more support, not less. As others mentioned, there are other ways to get sober with other groups. Exploring other options such as intensive outpatient or inpatient may be able to get you on more solid ground. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by least 
When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you will stop relapsing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Of course you can get and stay sober without AA! Many people do. I have. I also tried to quit many times but just never could -- until, like Mera, I went to inpatient rehab. I had resisted for years, mostly b/c my husband wanted me to go to a hard-core, tough-love AA rehab, and I knew I wouldn't succeed at a place like that. I did find a non-AA, positive, caring rehab that helped me find and maintain sobriety. I also found that a change of scenery and no access to alcohol really helped me jump start my sobriety (I was there 7 weeks.) Everyone is different and there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to your relationship with alcohol. There is no shame in picking yourself back up and trying again. It shows strength and determination!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
I spent 25 years in and out of AA. I wasn't ready to stay stopped or wasn't desperate enough, but it finally worked (I worked those steps several times the first year--every time I felt "squirrley"). So far, it's worked for the almost 5 years I have.
It may not be for you, but embrace something and work towards daily sobriety!!! You CAN do this!!
It may not be for you, but embrace something and work towards daily sobriety!!! You CAN do this!!
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