hpdw

Hi ,

First I want to say I am writing this from a place of having had a drink so please forgive me if its comes across in the wrong way . ( aren't we always sorry ) anyway I managed over 5 months sober ,was a keen member here and decided to stop taking part and still continued my sobriety . 3 weeks ago I picked up the drink and thought I was ok , a few beers on my days off .
I'm here now after drinking a bottle of vodka each day for the last 3 days . For any newcomers reading this please listen ..... you can never moderate or control your dinking , I've tried it and it always always ends in tears , arguments , lost work , depression ,anxiety ................... the list goes on to drunk driving and worse .
This is not a post where I'm preaching but rather from bitter experience . You can never ever control your dinking , you can never get enough . waking up at 2am sneaking to the hiding place to find some false peace ,its relief certainly for 10 minutes but soon disappears .
I feel disappointed for not coming clean when I first picked up the drink ,however here I am .
I know how to come down from this without sounding smug as I know it will be hellish but here goes .
thanks All

Tom

Nowsthetime

I'm sorry Tom but I'm glad you are back. What happened? What made you start again? Did you have a plan?

Talk to us.

madgirl

Welcome back You already know this, but pour the rest out - ? will make things easier tomorrow, day 1.

So you did some research, and now you can compare how you feel right now versus the five months. Can you find at what point the wheels started to come off?

suzie89

Thanks for the reminder, Tom.
Glad you are back.

least

I too, failed over and over. I finally reached the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. That was over six years ago, and I haven't had the desire to drink since then. You can do this. Start over and give it your all. If you truly want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you will succeed.

Para

Welcome back.

I've been where you are, and you're not alone.

Simplicity4114

Hi Tom- thanks for your post! I'm fairly new here and only on Day 8 myself. Thanks for posting and for the reminder....moderation is a farce. I've tried it many times myself, quite unsuccessfully. Sounds like ur down at the moment.....but not defeated! Welcome back!

Para

Controlled drinking does not work. I've tried it over a thousand times, and each time has been an epic fail.
It sucks, but it is what it is.

Please don't discredit the 5 months you were sober. That's great.
Like 'Least' said - you can start over!!

ccam1973

Welcome back Tom. Sorry you gave int to drinking, but most of us have been exactly where you are at. After I had 9 months under my belt back in 2013 I got complacent, stopped my recovery and thought I could once again try to moderate.

What a failure; moderation for an alcoholic! Glad you are back here posting. Use your sober time and knowledge of what it takes to get that time back. Don't beat yourself up, learn from this and move on.

Good for you coming back here and posting.

CaseyW

Welcome back, Thomas59. I also was five months sober thanks to SR last year and then went out and tried unsuccessfully to control my drinking. Took me another five months to get back in here, but I'm on day 55 again today. You can do this--making that first post up above is a great first step. If you're still drinking tonight, hope you'll pour out what you've got left and get some water and rest. I look forward to seeing you back here on the road to recovery.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

mecanix

Hey Tom ,

Thanks for the reminder and experience , i won't do the same .

So … Come in number 59 your time is up

I hope you make this is a small blip ( in which it sounds like you've learned something ) in an otherwise great sober life you've been building .

just because you fell off the sober bike no need to lay flat on your back in the road , get back up and take the lesson .

Don't let procrastination and the drink kill you , get with sobriety ASAP .

Don't give up on yourself

Bestwishes, m

Everydaysabonus

I think most of us have done this Thomas, I know I have. Chuck the rest away and start over. I'm glad you are back.

hpdw

This is where I was when I found SR so yes its day one by Gods grace .
Each and every reply tonight gives me the encouragement that I desperately need tonight .
Truth is I have about an inch left in a bottle and its that dreaded fear that we feel when waking up sweating that stops me pouring it away , I want to but don't want to , its the addiction ,what the hell can that amount do to be honest , you get a 5 minute glow then back to square one .
here's the thing ... I'm not a bad ,loud or violent drunk .Never fall about drunk, I've done some hefty garden work over my last binge but with the bottle in the shed but continually topping up , bringing cup of coffee, tea ,snacks ,pottering around but by the end of the day seen off a bottle . It really shows on my face , red glazed eyes , trying to fit in the people around only wishing I was alone .

thanks again

Tom

Winslow

This post makes me sad cuz it sounds just like me,after 4 1/2 months sober I drank and it felt like I drank MORE than where I started off,do you know why you drank again? I still can't figure out what triggered my binge,hope tomorrow is your day 1,thanks for posting😊

hpdw

10:40 pm in bed , 2 ltrs water beside me and a few prescribed diazepam . Hoping not to take the cause the depression and fearful feeling next day is horrible ,been here too many times yuk **** this . sorry

Eagle108

That feeling sucks. Only felt it a couple of times and pray to God I never do again. Feel for you man...just know it will pass.

Anna

Thomas, I'm so glad you came back and posted. You're right about how easy it is for us alcoholics to go from bad to worse. I hope you feel better tomorrow and please know that we understand and that we are here for you.

hpdw

I feel guilty for not staying here thinking " ive cracked it " I didn't mean to be smug . My trigger I think was because I was happy with everything in my life so how confusing is that to find myself waking up at 3 am taking a swig out a vodka bottle to get back to sleep ,no happiness there .

gleefan

Welcome back Tom and thank you for sharing your experiences. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. We lean on each other to stay sober.