Kp1130

Hey family,
So I gave my AH the ultimatum of inpatient or leave. He has until Monday to be in treatment but has already made it clear that he is not going. I have been able to shield my 6 yr old son from all of this for all these years. Despite being addicted to H and being a less than suitable husband, I will say he has been a good father.

With that being said, I have no clue what I am going to tell my son when daddy is gone and not coming back. There is also a chance that he could cause some issues and I may have to call the police. Initially, I was just going to tell him that daddy will be out of town for work (if he chose inpatient) but seeing that he won't be going, I don't know what to tell him.

I'm hoping it will be peaceful because I'm sure he doesn't want to scare our son. However, in the heat of the moment I feel he might explode a little. I also have a feeling he might linger outside and like sleep in his car and things ( I will call the police in that case and I'm also changing the locks) so I don't want to necessarily lie to my son.

Does anyone have suggestions on things I can tell him? He loves his father very much. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

hopeful4

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Firstly, to cover yourself legally. Do you have a legal right to kick him out? Is he on the deed of your home or lease? It's not very likely the police will do anything if he is not actually causing a problem at that moment because he is your husband.

As far as your 6 year old son, I would explain that dad is sick, and that he has to leave to get well. I would make sure he understands it is in no way his fault and no reflection on him, that you will both be praying dad gets well.

I would also get him into counseling ASAP. It's been a Godsend to my children.

zoso77

Hopeful hits the right notes with her feedback.

What I'd like to add is how important it is that your son realizes how loved and important he is. When you boot your AH out, this is going to upset his world in a major way. He's going to ask a lot of questions that have no easy answers. So do your best to assuage him and keep him steady.

Hechosedrugs

I'm struggling with this, as well. I have twin 5 year old boys. On our first court date we were both told by the judge not to speak about the divorce with the children. How can I not speak about it? I'd like to tell them their dad is sick, heck, I'd like to tell them everything. It's so unfair to have him saying things like "Mommy doesn't love me anymore" and having it all look like this was some selfish decision on my part.

Sorry to hijack your thread- I obviously have no advice to offer. I hope you find what works for you.

Kp1130

Thanks for the advice! The house is my my name only. It's actually still in my maiden name because I never changed it. When we bought the house he had no credit so I'm covered there. It also kind of sucks because it keeps me here. If I didn't have to worry about it I would take the kids and go but since it's all in my name I have to force him to leave which is harder.

I do plan on getting my son into counseling. He worries a lot as it is and I know this is going to crush him. This has been a lot of the reason I have let my AH stay as long as he has. I do think telling him he is sick is a good idea.

I just wish my AH will make the right choice.

Thanks again!

Kp1130

I'm sorry your going through this too! I'm scared of my AH is going to say to my son. I know he's going to blame me and try to turn him against me. It breaks my heart. I don't know how your supposed to talk about it. It's a major change and I'm sure they have questions. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

AnvilheadII

it's always best to be as truthful as possible with children.....but to keep the phrasing and explanations simple. don't give them more information than they ASK for. be calm, be factual. i believe there a lot of good children's books that deal with parental addiction....

hopeful4

I would be getting the advise of an attorney. It may be that you have to legally evict him, which means giving a 30 day notice in most states, in writing. I am not trying to be difficult, just thinking about what you may run into as it seems like a lot of people have had a hard time getting their qualifier to leave.

It's good you owned the house before you were married, if not, there would be issues as well due to community property.

Hugs, many hugs to you. Just keep being the good momma you are, that is what will benefit your little one more than anything.

atalose

It’s never as easy as just saying go to treatment or get out because legally they do not have to get out. Hopeful4 is right, this is his legal address, his home as well and you are legally married so the police will not be able to just come in and kick him out.

I think I would plan on meeting with an attorney first before you really push this whole issue of him leaving.

dorton

I would suggest that you meet with a counselor for your son and ask them how and what they suggest you tell your son. If he is in school please consider talking to his teacher. You don't have to tell the teacher all the details, but let her know that there will be some major changes in your home. I taught for 28 years and watched many children struggle and not understand why. Letting her know should be a big help to not only your son but you as well.