I really screwed up picking up my bf (4yrs) smelling like alcohol
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Join Date: May 2016
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I really screwed up picking up my bf (4yrs) smelling like alcohol
Im 48 -hes 50-together 4 yrs
We have had issues before of Our drinking..St Patricks i went to get him for a fun dinner & beers at a local bar that was serving corned beef..Prior- i had 3 beers at my home with family that is Irish and celebrates every year.My bf called was already in a hurry & in a bad mood.2 days prior- we had a great conversation about our relationship.He said he wanted us to work etc.. Iwas really thinking positive about us.Well - he flipped that i smelled like alcohol,hes not partying all night etc..I was fine with it.We went to eat - left -and he flipped on me. Im a drunk,im useless etc..Never wants to see me again..
It was heartbreaking- St Patricks is a fun ,get together occasion..He hasnt had 1 nice thing to say to me since..I was giddy but not drunk..I have had drinking issues in the past but ive tried SO Hard to make our relationship work..He goes out every night- he lives in a downtown tourist area. I just dont get it. Its driving me Crazy! My drinking is getting stupid from being left alone & confused..Im truelly trying to be the better one..
We have had issues before of Our drinking..St Patricks i went to get him for a fun dinner & beers at a local bar that was serving corned beef..Prior- i had 3 beers at my home with family that is Irish and celebrates every year.My bf called was already in a hurry & in a bad mood.2 days prior- we had a great conversation about our relationship.He said he wanted us to work etc.. Iwas really thinking positive about us.Well - he flipped that i smelled like alcohol,hes not partying all night etc..I was fine with it.We went to eat - left -and he flipped on me. Im a drunk,im useless etc..Never wants to see me again..
It was heartbreaking- St Patricks is a fun ,get together occasion..He hasnt had 1 nice thing to say to me since..I was giddy but not drunk..I have had drinking issues in the past but ive tried SO Hard to make our relationship work..He goes out every night- he lives in a downtown tourist area. I just dont get it. Its driving me Crazy! My drinking is getting stupid from being left alone & confused..Im truelly trying to be the better one..
Getting sober for good was the best thing I ever did for myself. 
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: East Coast, USA
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When I got sober, everything in my life improved but everything in my life couldn't get me or keep me sober. If you want to quit drinking, you're in the right place. I'd say tackle that first and then see where your relationship stands with some sober time
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
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When you say, went to pick him up, do you mean as in DROVE to pick him up? (That's what it'd mean in the UK).
Regardless, If he knows you have have issues with drinking in the past, he wouldn't be much of a boyfriend to NOT care that you've decided to make St Patricks day your most recent excuse for a relapse. He has a responsibility to himself for his own happiness, not just yours, as he has no control over whether you choose the one thing that can change you from the girlfriend he lives or cares about, into a gidfy stranger who smells of alcohol. Maybe the only effect of alcohol on you is that you get giddy. Lucky you. I used to get all kinds of other things as well, as do many others. Financially irresponsible. Inappropriately (ahem) 'flirtatious '. Staggering. Slurring words. Self righteous. Loud. Emotionally unstable. Argumentative. Ugly. Sweaty. Red. Blotchy. Self-pitying. Manipulative. Sly. Selfish. (He should really be grateful that you, unlike many other Drunks, only get giddy, eh ).
To be honest it doesn't sound like you really have any intention or desire at this point to get or to stay sober. And doing it for someone else seems to rarely work. If you're making the decision to justify and continue with your drinking (despite having issues in the past) then perhaps this isn't the best relationship for either of you.
You may well be thinking, it was ST PATRICKS day. ONE day!! Why can't people get off my back and let me have the some fun? But it didn't end up one day did it. And okay, you're now using your boyfriend as your excuse to carry on drinking after the event, because he's not being nice to you at the moment. But really, drinking isn't going to make arguments about drinking better. It might help you forget your part in it for a while, and go through the old self-pity / don't care routine for some part of the day. I also used to insert the old shame faced bit in for another little part of it, and expected him to be grateful for that, because that was my 'evidence' (hahaha) that I was really sincere about wanting to change, and it was certainly the closest I was ever likely to get to apologising for my behaviour. Ie. feeling sorry for myself, not really sorry for my actions.
I suppose you just need to ask yourself honestly, what you intend to do regarding your drinking, and then be honest with him so he can decide whether to call it a day or stay with you.
Regardless, If he knows you have have issues with drinking in the past, he wouldn't be much of a boyfriend to NOT care that you've decided to make St Patricks day your most recent excuse for a relapse. He has a responsibility to himself for his own happiness, not just yours, as he has no control over whether you choose the one thing that can change you from the girlfriend he lives or cares about, into a gidfy stranger who smells of alcohol. Maybe the only effect of alcohol on you is that you get giddy. Lucky you. I used to get all kinds of other things as well, as do many others. Financially irresponsible. Inappropriately (ahem) 'flirtatious '. Staggering. Slurring words. Self righteous. Loud. Emotionally unstable. Argumentative. Ugly. Sweaty. Red. Blotchy. Self-pitying. Manipulative. Sly. Selfish. (He should really be grateful that you, unlike many other Drunks, only get giddy, eh ).
To be honest it doesn't sound like you really have any intention or desire at this point to get or to stay sober. And doing it for someone else seems to rarely work. If you're making the decision to justify and continue with your drinking (despite having issues in the past) then perhaps this isn't the best relationship for either of you.
You may well be thinking, it was ST PATRICKS day. ONE day!! Why can't people get off my back and let me have the some fun? But it didn't end up one day did it. And okay, you're now using your boyfriend as your excuse to carry on drinking after the event, because he's not being nice to you at the moment. But really, drinking isn't going to make arguments about drinking better. It might help you forget your part in it for a while, and go through the old self-pity / don't care routine for some part of the day. I also used to insert the old shame faced bit in for another little part of it, and expected him to be grateful for that, because that was my 'evidence' (hahaha) that I was really sincere about wanting to change, and it was certainly the closest I was ever likely to get to apologising for my behaviour. Ie. feeling sorry for myself, not really sorry for my actions.
I suppose you just need to ask yourself honestly, what you intend to do regarding your drinking, and then be honest with him so he can decide whether to call it a day or stay with you.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 17
Hey there Angie--one of the many things I've learned is that I just cannot compare myself to others. There are people who can outdrink and out-party me to no ends and really tank up on booze--yet, they always seem to have control that I don't have. My body chemistry is just not compatible with alcohol.
Let him drink and party if he wants to--let his plans/actions not affect the plans you've set out for yourself.
Let him drink and party if he wants to--let his plans/actions not affect the plans you've set out for yourself.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Okay: Let me get this straight. He drinks and parties "all the time", but then calls you mean names and gives you the silent treatment if you drink?
Do you really want to get sober? If so, why? At any rate, if you decide you want to be sober there is a ton of help and support for that and you can do it. As far as your relationship goes, it sounds like there are more issues going on than just alcohol.
Do you really want to get sober? If so, why? At any rate, if you decide you want to be sober there is a ton of help and support for that and you can do it. As far as your relationship goes, it sounds like there are more issues going on than just alcohol.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Welcome Angie,
I'm confused. You went to pick up your boyfriend for dinner and beers, but he became angry because you smelled like beer because you drank a few before picking him up? Is this correct?
If so, that seems odd because you (and him) planned on drinking at dinner, so you would have eventually smelled like beer that evening (as he also would). So I don't understand why the smell of alcohol made him angry.
However if I read between the lines, I don't think the smell was the real issue. I suspect your boyfriend feels you can't control your alcohol intake when you drink, but he can control his drinking. It appears he thinks you drink too often and too much.
If this is how he truly feels about your drinking, what do you think? Do you have a problem controlling how much you drink when you drink? Do you feel alcohol is causing you serious problems in your life?
If so, and if you want to stop drinking you're in the right place.
I'm confused. You went to pick up your boyfriend for dinner and beers, but he became angry because you smelled like beer because you drank a few before picking him up? Is this correct?
If so, that seems odd because you (and him) planned on drinking at dinner, so you would have eventually smelled like beer that evening (as he also would). So I don't understand why the smell of alcohol made him angry.
However if I read between the lines, I don't think the smell was the real issue. I suspect your boyfriend feels you can't control your alcohol intake when you drink, but he can control his drinking. It appears he thinks you drink too often and too much.
If this is how he truly feels about your drinking, what do you think? Do you have a problem controlling how much you drink when you drink? Do you feel alcohol is causing you serious problems in your life?
If so, and if you want to stop drinking you're in the right place.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
My drinking is getting stupid from being left alone & confused..Im truelly trying to be the better one..
You are in control of you. You decide what to put into your body. You have power over whether or not the first drink goes into your body. You feel confused because alcohol confuses our brains.
My spouse told me at one point last year (we have always been drinking buddies, although I would keep the party going long after he went to sleep) when I wanted to move out because I was so sick of our pattern of using together that I would never be able to quit on my own, by myself.
Well, I am doing it by myself, and while I still live at home, with a spouse who is drinking. Granted, now he isn't drinking every day because I think he is starting to feel sheepish doing it all by himself.
The power is yours and yours alone.
You are in control of you. You decide what to put into your body. You have power over whether or not the first drink goes into your body. You feel confused because alcohol confuses our brains.
My spouse told me at one point last year (we have always been drinking buddies, although I would keep the party going long after he went to sleep) when I wanted to move out because I was so sick of our pattern of using together that I would never be able to quit on my own, by myself.
Well, I am doing it by myself, and while I still live at home, with a spouse who is drinking. Granted, now he isn't drinking every day because I think he is starting to feel sheepish doing it all by himself.
The power is yours and yours alone.
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