cricket123

I was contacted by my son who's aunt(my ex sil) wants to have a party for him for his High School Graduation. Well the first problem is the party she is setting up is very expense. I told my son that I was not comfortable with him as the go between and to have her contact me. Well she did not, And i ended up contacting her. In the mean time I attempted to talk to Son about what he wanted and what was being proposed was very expensive and I got the ex's attitude about how I am taking all his dad's money and I should just pay for it and because I am getting all this money. The conversation ended quick and I sent him an email chewing him out for being in the middle and I was not going to discuss the spousal support and if his dad was discussing it with him then shame on him and I gave him a long list of expenses I have paid for up to date and how much child suport I got and I have sent a lot more then what I got in child support and how much I was willing to spend on him this spring and I should rethink this.

Well after a few days I contacted the aunt and said I would help and I would order announcements and get them mailed out. Well The ex has texted my sister and wants addresses for my side of the family, my sister told him to contact me. His response was no he is never going to talk to me. My sister (good for her) told him then don't invite my side to this party.

So my dilemma is do I contact my ex sil and have her handle her brother or do I back out totally or any other suggestions

Thanks

Cricket

PS son has been having attitude with me about everything

Hawkeye13

I'd wash my hands of the whole thing Cricket

LexieCat

I agree--let your son's aunt do whatever she wants to celebrate your son's graduation. If you want your own celebration, you can do that. Maybe instead of a party, take him out to dinner with a few friends.

It's your son's accomplishment that's being recognized. In a couple of years, the party/ies will be a dim memory for him. Don't let this take over your serenity.

dandylion

Cricket....my response is along the very same lines as LexieCat.

Keep it in perspective. It is about your son...and, the son will be caring about the time spent with his friends, as his main focus (not the adults)....trust me on this..lol...
You can do something with him and a few friends to mark the event for yourselves.

I say to back out from the whole thing. If you drop your end of the rope, there can be no more tug-of-war on this.

If they get mad (your ex and his family)...then they can just stay mad until they get glad.....

dandylion

redatlanta

I'm confused why you got looped into this???? her party, her funds.

Get out of the middle of it.

Sotiredofitall

"And i ended up contacting her. In the mean time I attempted to talk to Son about what he wanted and what was being proposed was very expensive and I got the ex's attitude about how I am taking all his dad's money and I should just pay for it and because I am getting all this money. The conversation ended quick and I sent him an email chewing him out for being in the middle and I was not going to discuss the spousal support and if his dad was discussing it with him then shame on him and I gave him a long list of expenses I have paid for up to date and how much child suport I got and I have sent a lot more then what I got in child support and how much I was willing to spend on him this spring and I should rethink this.



I'm struggling here. You told your son
" shame on him for getting in the middle and then you proceeded to put him in the middle yourself. Hmmm.

My take, as you proceed seperately from your ex you need to do for your son what YOU want to do, seperately. You allow yourself to be pulled into all of these little dramas. I know its really hard to hear about it all and not get into it (I've watched my daughter with a similar struggle), but the sooner you let go the healthier it will be for you AND your son.

hopeful4

So she's planning a party and they think you should pay for it? That's nuts.

I would step away. If you want to do something have a party for your side of the family, that you pay for. If not, don't. I would not involve any child on who pays for what, what you have paid for in the past, or what you get in child support. It's not their burden to bear.

cricket123

My son has been ticked at me since last fall for the court ordering child support for me and tries to throw it in my face at every oppertunity, especially when his dad is going on a rant and the ex is off work right now and I'm sure my son is hearing about how terrible I am. So I set the record straight and if son does not like it oh well.

As for the party; I gave my 2 daughters an open house and would of liked to do it for my son. So I mistakenly thought that all parties could put aside this aurgument and celebrate his accomplishments, but with ex in the picture I am seeing this will not be possible. The ex sil and I would be able to do it but not him. So if I just had to deal with ex sil it would work

cricket123

we were going to split the cost 3 ways but I put a limit on how much I was willing to spend so they would not go wild with this.

LexieCat

Great idea, if you've got three cooperative people.

Anything you try to do that involves him is guaranteed to be a headache (or worse). Sounds like your SIL's heart was in the right place. You can tell her that if she and her brother want to do something for your son that would be lovely, but you're planning your own separate celebration because it's too complicated if you try to plan something involving him.

That's all. You don't have to complain about him, badmouth him, or anything else. You just say it's complicated and leave it at that.

And REMEMBER, NEXT TIME, that these things are bound to end badly and don't even go there.

hopeful4

When I first got divorced, I tried stuff like this. To play nice and hope we could all socialize together. I found out pretty quickly that would never work. I've kept it separate since then, and it works out much better. It's a shame it has to be that way, but it is what it is.

marie1960

Have the party YOU can afford to celebrate your son's accomplishments.

Leave the ex and that side of the family to their own devices.

This is supposed to be a happy time in your son's life, there certainly doesn't need to be excess drama overshadowing his day. You can put an end to this madness today, and start planning a lovely gathering for your side of the family, friends , and neighbors.