joandmelandhan

I'm starting again today but I just wanted to ask you all about this stupid feeling I have. In addition to anxiety, guilt, fear etc I really feel sorry for myself. Why me? I feel like a petulant child and it's almost embarrassing. I mean I'm a 44 year old woman for goodness sake. Drove home from work last night crying and saying "please someone help me" over and over. I know I am the one who needs to help myself but I feel like a little child who needs mummy there to "make it better" or a magic pill or something.....am I alone feeling this way? Is it part of the process or do I need to grow up a bit and be strong.....???????

ALinNS

Good Morning and thanks for your post, in my own experience self pity, regret and down right humiliation were par for the course on the road to recovery along with pretty severe anxiety at times, it takes weeks and sometimes months for our body and especially in my case, my mind to readjust.

Walking, meditation, yoga are three of many things that seemed to help clear my negative or unhelpful thoughts.

Wishing you the best
Andrew

OldTomato

The early days can be like that. I found that regularly attending meetings, speaking to people there, and taking long walks really helpful. I'm out of that self pity now.

I hope you can kick it too.

Dee74

I think I was addicted to self pity long before I ever took a drink.

I was very determined as a child but somehow the years wore away at me after that.

I felt a lot of self pity for a very long time...it still makes it uncomfortable for me to look back, but self pity is very seductive, and it became comfortable fr me.

It's a lot similar to addiction in that there's a lot of fear involved as a trigger and neither actually requires you to do something about a problem - you can just wallow in it....

The good news is the more things I faced, even tho it was hard, the more I grew out of the self pity trap.

I'm not a saint...I sometimes feel the old call and the old fears...but I really like who I am now & the way I approach life

D

least

I felt sorry for myself for a while too. But the thing that got me out of the self pity was practicing gratitude every day. It gave me reasons to be thankful and it got me focused on the positive instead of the negative.

Easy2slip

Hang in there... It gets better!

When I think about winning the battle each day... It gives me strength. The first days are like "boot camp" ... you have to just hunker down and do the time.

It will get better in a few days.... Your head clears.

I am trying to get out and walk every day ... smell some fresh air and be able to think and work through things.... with no distractions or phone or anything.

Have a great rest of the day!

jseattle

My first sober weekend I went for a walk and the tears just flowed and flowed. This sucks. It is hard. It is painful. I think it is fine to let yourself feel that way and also even to mourn a bit. Just be mindful of your addictive voice turning that self pity into an excuse to go back. You don't want to go back.

Fly N Buy

I don't think it self pity to feel pain - in fact at times I can lead us forward in recovery. Most are pretty raw when starting out. We didn't come in on a winning streak. Life had become very painful.

It's what we choose to do - the action - with that pain. Does it motivate us enough to seek help and effectuate change. That really is the key.


I remember my pain in sobriety. It becomes a useful tool and a way towards the light out of the darkness.

You are not alone - together WE stay sober.

Carpathia

You are honest in putting it out here. That's a very positive step.

I'm entering my third year of sobriety. The first year I just hung on for dear life and did whatever I had to do to stay sober. I took everybody's advice, especially those who'd relapsed and came back in. I figured those individuals knew the pain of self-will in a way other abstinent folk might not.

Keep staying teachable, breathe, get to meetings and share. You'll see you can get through the dark days. It's gets better. And as is often said, 'this too shall pass.'

waywardson8260

I think that happens to just about everybody. It is normal and it will get better the longer you stay sober!

Bunny211

It is part of the process and I still go there sometimes. I do the exact same thing "someone please help me, please help me" sobbing crying. Do you believe in God? I am trying to forge a relationship with the God of my understanding and I try to turn things over to him asking "God, please help me get through this next second, minute, hour." I am working a big book step study method of AA and when I am upset there is a process I follow which truly helps.

1. I ask God for help.
2. I talk to another person (sponsor, sober friend, family member).
3. I try to help someone else.

The third part of this is particularly effective because it gets me out of myself and the insanity in my head.

These days are few and far between the further along I get in my sobriety. Hang in there....it gets better!

Bird615

Early in my sobriety I heard something that stops self-pity in its tracks for me every time.

Since then, whenever I start to ask "Why me?" a reply automatically pops into my head whether I like or not: "Why not me?" What makes me so special that I should be exempt from the same problems and troubles that others on this planet have?

I still feel sorry for myself about various things, but with that thought, it can never last for very long.

I used to ask for help in the same way too; I had no idea who or what I was asking, but it seems to have helped me. Letting myself feel my feelings and go through them but not get stuck in them as well as doing the things that Bunny suggests have also been very effective for me.

It really can get better, provided we do some work.

Fly N Buy

Year one - Come
Year two - Come to
Year three - Come to believe ( in many things seen and otherwise........especially that we can change)

nomis

Oh boy, yeah. I remember I had been sober for about 6 weeks or so. I was screwing up on the job, and my supervisor was giving me the major stink eye. I wanted to shout "C'mon lady. Give me a break, I'm an alcoholic trying my darnedest to get sober right now."

Went home, thought about it, realized that I needed to get on with my life and if I was going to do that, I couldn't be using my sobriety as a crutch or a resentment. Instead I needed to look at it as my absolute best friend, something that when all the chips were down, would still be in my corner backing me up every step of the way.

2ndhandrose

Self pity was the status quo for me for as long as I can remember. It was one of my many misguided patterns that kept me drinking. Recognizing it didn't happen immediately for me. I have been sober for 1 yr and 4 mths and it has only been in the past few months that I admitted I have been living as a victim, rather than accepting and taking responsibility for myself and my actions. It has been liberating to realize that I no longer have to live that way. It has definitely been a process of growing up and I'm not done yet!

I think it is okay and understandable to feel like this in early sobriety; it is a tough road we have to venture out on. The key is to not stay in this place.

You will get there, one step at a time, one day at a time

FarToGo

Love this! Thank you.
xx

FarToGo

I chime with the others on this, fist bit is so hard and emotional, you may get high too in the weeks to come. Whatever happens do your damn best to stick with it, it really is something you'll NEVER regret.
xx

freshstart57

Maybe try looking at it like this - you have made a difficult decision, one that eludes so many. You have shown bravery and courage, and acted out of self respect and a demand for a better life. This is an act of strength that comes from the human spirit, a birthright in which we all share.

Try to be gentle with yourself rather than harsh. Things will be rocky for a little while until you get your feet underneath you. In the meanwhile, accept these feelings as they come and then let them go in their own time, while you look forward, always forward. Things will be good for you, I know it.

Onward!

MIRecovery

I was a mess my life was a mess and I saw no way out other than suicide. The only thing I knew for sure is things could not continue like they were.

I went to AA against my better judgment and met happy and healthy people who didn't drink. I started to do what they recommended and a miracle happened.

Things slowly but surely got better. Today a few 24 hrs down the road I have a life I couldn't have dreamed of. I survived sober the loss of my daughter so to say my life is great would be a lie but the the gift of sobriety is an absolute truth

joandmelandhan

Thank you everyone. I know it's going to be pretty rough for a while and I accept the tears etc as part of letting go. Made it till 6pm so far.....pretty good for me!