Hmm...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
Hmm...
So as you may know I gave up on day 11 and drank for 3 days, was sober a day, drank for a day ...
My last post I was sober for a day and now ..... you guessed it .. drinking.
Mostly when drinking I think ... what am I doing ... and I think of you SR people. Haven't had fun in awhile.
Earlier.. before I drank I tried to convince myself... hey you are just going to regret it .. you aren't even going to enjoy it cause you know it is wrong .. except the end result is "click, open a beer, click open another beer, click oh another beer" you know the drill.
It's stupid ... I can't even enjoy it anymore yet still do it.
My last post I was sober for a day and now ..... you guessed it .. drinking.
Mostly when drinking I think ... what am I doing ... and I think of you SR people. Haven't had fun in awhile.
Earlier.. before I drank I tried to convince myself... hey you are just going to regret it .. you aren't even going to enjoy it cause you know it is wrong .. except the end result is "click, open a beer, click open another beer, click oh another beer" you know the drill.
It's stupid ... I can't even enjoy it anymore yet still do it.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
If you're drinking right now, I hope you'll pour out whatever you have left and get some food and water in you. There's no better time than right this second to start a better way of life.
You're in my thoughts. We've all been exactly where you are right now. And, yes, my drinking got even less enjoyable after the first time I decided to quit. Because I had already admitted to myself that drinking was the wrong thing for me to do. That genie was out of the bottle and couldn't be put back in.
You're in my thoughts. We've all been exactly where you are right now. And, yes, my drinking got even less enjoyable after the first time I decided to quit. Because I had already admitted to myself that drinking was the wrong thing for me to do. That genie was out of the bottle and couldn't be put back in.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Volshen 
Mostly when drinking I think ... what am I doing ... and I think of you SR people.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
make a day 1 & watch a lot of problems dissapear over time
make a day 1 don't let alcohol do this to you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
in this together
make a day 1 don't let alcohol do this to you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
in this together
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Volshen,
Glad you are sober and you are here. Do you have any supports in place to help you remain sober? It isn't easy, but it does get easier. I have just over four months sober and the benefits are worth it.
Glad you are sober and you are here. Do you have any supports in place to help you remain sober? It isn't easy, but it does get easier. I have just over four months sober and the benefits are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Glad you are posting Volshen. Reach out to the community before drinking, reach out as soon as you feel the urge or are feeling weak. This place works, but only if you give us a chance to talk you down from your AV.
You absolutely can do this Volshen.
You absolutely can do this Volshen.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Has this recent experience brought you any closer to understanding the seriousness of your condition?
I had to stop because I was going to die. I had to find a better way to live to make it possible and enjoyable to stay stopped.
I had to stop because I was going to die. I had to find a better way to live to make it possible and enjoyable to stay stopped.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
When I had the recent 11 days .. the plan was simply .. don't let myself get overly hungry because I know that can be a trigger, and I read SR a lot and before I went to bed. I also was going to some A.A meetings ..
When I gave up it was wierd ... the part of me that doesn't want to drink was working hard to stop me.. but the part of me that wanted to drink won .. it was like I knew I was going to be upset with myself but made the final decision to "drink now, feel stupid later"
When I gave up it was wierd ... the part of me that doesn't want to drink was working hard to stop me.. but the part of me that wanted to drink won .. it was like I knew I was going to be upset with myself but made the final decision to "drink now, feel stupid later"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I could NOT stop on my own. I needed to be away for a while...So I did a 60 day stint in rehab. While I was there I put together a plan....which was, I will not drink and until I get a job I will park my @ss in AA meetings all day long.
I highly recommend more AA meetings and getting a sponsor.
Here's what worked for me:
2-3 AA meetings a day for the first 2 months or so until I got a job and had something to occupy my mind and body.
Getting on my knees in the morning and asking God to keep me away from a drink.
Getting on my knees in the evening and Thanking God for keeping me from a drink.
Reaching out to women I had met at AA meetings....calling people. I was so desperate that my self consciousness slipped away. Sometimes I would just call a woman up, I hardly knew her, and I would just sob and be honest"I'm sitting on my front stoop and I don't know what I am going to do to get through this day...let alone this next second, minute, hour."
Someone suggested I go to a big book step stud meeting and I did. A woman shared from the podium and she mentioned she could sponsor. I almost knocked over the tables to get to her. Since I met her my life has changed 180 degrees.
Getting sober and staying sober is the hardest thing I have ever done. Dear Lord I don't ever want to go back to those first days, weeks and months. I don't have to. And you don't EVER have to do this again. Make a decision NOW to change your life.
Hugs to you.
I highly recommend more AA meetings and getting a sponsor.
Here's what worked for me:
2-3 AA meetings a day for the first 2 months or so until I got a job and had something to occupy my mind and body.
Getting on my knees in the morning and asking God to keep me away from a drink.
Getting on my knees in the evening and Thanking God for keeping me from a drink.
Reaching out to women I had met at AA meetings....calling people. I was so desperate that my self consciousness slipped away. Sometimes I would just call a woman up, I hardly knew her, and I would just sob and be honest"I'm sitting on my front stoop and I don't know what I am going to do to get through this day...let alone this next second, minute, hour."
Someone suggested I go to a big book step stud meeting and I did. A woman shared from the podium and she mentioned she could sponsor. I almost knocked over the tables to get to her. Since I met her my life has changed 180 degrees.
Getting sober and staying sober is the hardest thing I have ever done. Dear Lord I don't ever want to go back to those first days, weeks and months. I don't have to. And you don't EVER have to do this again. Make a decision NOW to change your life.
Hugs to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
Thank you for the post Bunny.
I sometimes go to A.A meetings for the positive atmosphere. It is good to see other people who have broken free from the drinking.
But beyond that A.A isn't really compatible with me.
I sometimes go to A.A meetings for the positive atmosphere. It is good to see other people who have broken free from the drinking.
But beyond that A.A isn't really compatible with me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I think it is time to sit down and make a recovery plan since what you are doing right now isn't cutting it.
* Do you need outpatient rehab?
* Do you need inpatient rehab?
* Do you need counseling?
* Do you need the help of a doctor?
* Do you need a psych. exam to see if there are any underlying mental health issues.
* Do you need to go to more AA meetings?
* Do you need to reach out and find new friends that don't drink?
When something doesn't work it is time to try something else. If you don't, then the same result will continue to occur day after day and you deserve more then that out of life.
Never stop fighting, you are worth more than that!
* Do you need outpatient rehab?
* Do you need inpatient rehab?
* Do you need counseling?
* Do you need the help of a doctor?
* Do you need a psych. exam to see if there are any underlying mental health issues.
* Do you need to go to more AA meetings?
* Do you need to reach out and find new friends that don't drink?
When something doesn't work it is time to try something else. If you don't, then the same result will continue to occur day after day and you deserve more then that out of life.
Never stop fighting, you are worth more than that!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
it's not stupidity... it's addiction.
sounds to me like you still haven't really made a choice.
written between your lines is the subtext that says "I still haven't really CHOSEN sobriety. I say I want it. I say this has to stop. I say I want change. I say that I hope. But the truth... the ugly truth is that I haven't yet DECIDED to stick up for the deep inner me and CHOOSE sobriety and live my life as fully as possible....".
and that's not an attack, because hey; I've been there. I get it.
but let's not call it 'stupid'. Let's not red-herring this thing. Let's not gloss over the bottom line....
The choice is yours.
sounds to me like you still haven't really made a choice.
written between your lines is the subtext that says "I still haven't really CHOSEN sobriety. I say I want it. I say this has to stop. I say I want change. I say that I hope. But the truth... the ugly truth is that I haven't yet DECIDED to stick up for the deep inner me and CHOOSE sobriety and live my life as fully as possible....".
and that's not an attack, because hey; I've been there. I get it.
but let's not call it 'stupid'. Let's not red-herring this thing. Let's not gloss over the bottom line....
The choice is yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
You make sense FreeOwl.
I guess I'm at a point where I want to drink but also don't want to die and lose everything. And somehow the consequences don't scare me enough to stay away from the beer.
And what I can't bring myself to understand is really WHY I want to drink ... I've said it many times on these forums .. I get maybe 1 hour of pleasure out of the drinking .. then I drink until I pass out ... wake up feeling like crap and drink a bunch of water to try to feel normal again and tell myself NO more, yet the next day I'm sitting at my desk with beer again.
It's not worth it and I'm going to lose my girlfriend, my license, any future job I get ... and my health. I drink an absurd amount of beer every day.
Yet despite all the negative I keep chasing that mere hour of pleasure, numbness, whatever you want to call it.
I guess I'm at a point where I want to drink but also don't want to die and lose everything. And somehow the consequences don't scare me enough to stay away from the beer.
And what I can't bring myself to understand is really WHY I want to drink ... I've said it many times on these forums .. I get maybe 1 hour of pleasure out of the drinking .. then I drink until I pass out ... wake up feeling like crap and drink a bunch of water to try to feel normal again and tell myself NO more, yet the next day I'm sitting at my desk with beer again.
It's not worth it and I'm going to lose my girlfriend, my license, any future job I get ... and my health. I drink an absurd amount of beer every day.
Yet despite all the negative I keep chasing that mere hour of pleasure, numbness, whatever you want to call it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
you want to drink because your brain is addicted.
you want to drink because you've programmed yourself to drink.
you want to drink because you are wired to drink.
you want to drink.... because you haven't decided to stop wanting to drink.
don't worry.... you will eventually experience sufficiently terrible consequences that you will be moved to finally make a choice.
provided you don't get killed in the process.
you want to drink because you've programmed yourself to drink.
you want to drink because you are wired to drink.
you want to drink.... because you haven't decided to stop wanting to drink.
don't worry.... you will eventually experience sufficiently terrible consequences that you will be moved to finally make a choice.
provided you don't get killed in the process.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
FreeOwl, you are right in every way ... I like your way of putting things.
How do I get myself to take this seriously .. I guess even though I can sit and write about all of the horrible things that are going to happen to me, I'm not scared to my core .. I should be.
How do I get myself to take this seriously .. I guess even though I can sit and write about all of the horrible things that are going to happen to me, I'm not scared to my core .. I should be.
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