joandmelandhan

I'm ashamed to say I drank yesterday and the day before. Got to day 6 and blew it. I want to be honest on here so I'm telling you all. Now I'm back to square 1 with feelings of guilt, fear, and doom. It's got hold of me more than I realised and I feel powerless to defeat it. Do here I am. Starting again. Want to scream and cry my head off (yes feeling sorry for myself too). It's like I'm hurting myself each time coz I hate myself sp much. Please someone encourage me a bit. I just want the next few days over so this subsides a bit.
Stupid stupid stupid.

MythOfSisyphus

You don't fail when you fall, only when you don't get back up. Try to examine where you went wrong and try again. Do you have a plan for sobriety?

mecanix

6 green ticks on the calendar ,
thats good ,
I hope you make today another green tick

Bestwishes, m

joandmelandhan

I've been reading about putting a plan together so will try it. I'm up and showered at least. Off to work soon that'll buy me a few hours of sobriety.
Will keep.posting.

wpainterw

First of all. It's not Square One. Relapses in the early months often happen. Nothing to be ashamed of. Beating yourself up over it just makes it worse. It takes time for the body's physiology and neurology to adjust back to the absence of alcohol or some other addictive substance. And this means also that the numbed portion of the rational part of your brain is vulnerable to the "beast" or AV in the "lizard" or more primitive brain component until there is more recovery. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and focus on "what brought this relapse on."? How can I reduce the risk of it happening again? Good luck.

Bill

joandmelandhan

Thank you m. I'm up and showered at least. Off to work soon so that'll buy me some sober hours. Looking forward to getting back sober. It felt nice.

OldTomato

Well done for coming back, keep going.

Dee74

I merged your two identical threads into one

Trying to stay sober is hard. I think a plan will help - and maybe check out our Class of May support thread as well?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-1-a-7.html

D

ALinNS

Welcome back, personal opinion is it is our AV that tries to get us to beat ourselves up, granted in recovery I too had these feelings but I recognized them for what they are, I had to forgive myself and follow my plan, that keeps me sober and I have had rewards far beyond my expectations, very happy with life and work my plan hard as well as trying to help others.

All the best
Andrew

Fabela

In Norway, when kids fall, we say "up again". That means that even if you fall, you should get back on your feet again. You have learned something valuable from this. Make good use of it and get back on track. You deserve it.

Up again.

least

I tried and failed so much I thought I was hopeless. But with the encouragement of the people here, I didn't give up. And now I've got over six years sober. If I can do it, so can you.

firstymer

Make the plan. Follow it. Avoid the triggers that led you to drink the last time.

And make your sobriety THE number one priority in your life.

Stay close to SR. Especially when you feel the urge to drink.

You can do this, Jo.

DaniBee

Along with all of the good advice here, I'd like to add, "play the tape forward." Meaning, thinking about having that drink is easy. Don't stop there. Think about what it will do to you. Think about the next day. Think about how terrible you feel the next day.

This tool helped me a lot.

You can do this.

Mountainmanbob

There's a new man in AA that I know. Although sober for a short time he's got some real issues and drama going on in his life.

Another AA friend of mine said to me yesterday that, "we need to love this man until he learns to love himself."

That's pretty good stuff.

Maybe AA attendance would be good for you ?

I have been staying sober with the help of
God
Church and bible study
SoberRecovery.com
AA meetings

Good luck
Mountainmanbob

Nonsensical

There are exactly zero failures posting on this recovery forum.

Zero, none, nada.

The failures give up hope and we never hear from them again. Everyone here is either succeeding or learning or both.

You had 5 sober days. You're a both.

That same voice in your head that convinced you to drink again also convinced you that you're a failure when you did. It's a liar and a thief. Don't believe it for a minute.

You can do this.

CaseyW

Glad you've made your way back to us. Quit beating yourself up--what's done is done. Figure out what you can add to your recovery plan this time that might have made a difference and kept you from drinking last time, and keep moving forward. We're here if those thoughts of drinking come back. Sometimes just putting those thoughts out into the open takes their power away. Wishing you the best today! Check in often.

joandmelandhan

Thank you all. Your comments made me cry a bit. Just finished work. It's 3pm here. I WILL get to bed safe and sober tonight x

Anna

I'm really glad you're feeling a bit better. I fell into the vicious cycle of drinking/feeling desperately sorry/drinking again. Don't let that happen to you. And, take a look at what happened on Day 6 that caused you to drink. If it was a specific trigger, then you can avoid it next time.

joandmelandhan

I normally get a bottle on my way home from work. Such a strong urge all the time!!!!! Won't today please god.

mecanix

yer,
drive a different way home ,
go out with no cash or cards on you ,

Have some ice cream or candy at home so when you get through the door you can have a reward