Day 9 (and beyond)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 22
Day 9 (and beyond)
I haven't posted since Day 3 of my sobriety. Figured I'd start a new thread so I can write about my progress and feelings as I go through early recovery. It definitely helps.
This weekend has been somewhat difficult for me. I've done everything I can to get out of the house and keep busy. But I have very little motivation to do anything but lay in bed and watch TV. I did manage to get to the gym and get a pretty good workout in. Definitely needed the happy endorphins but they only last a few hours. I managed to hit a late night meeting which was also needed.
Right now, I'm just struggling with an overwhelming feeling of blah!! Just very little motivation and not feeling really anything... Happy or sad.
I also feel insanely awkward, socially. I feel like I have no idea how to talk to other people or interact. My roommate who I've been friends with for 10 years, I'm even struggling to talk to. I feel so guarded and again just blah!!
I just keep telling myself I'm worth it and this too shall pass... Even if I don't wholeheartedly believe it right now. It's the only thing really keeping me sober.
Just needed to get that off my chest. I really hope soon to start interacting with others on here as well.
- Josh
This weekend has been somewhat difficult for me. I've done everything I can to get out of the house and keep busy. But I have very little motivation to do anything but lay in bed and watch TV. I did manage to get to the gym and get a pretty good workout in. Definitely needed the happy endorphins but they only last a few hours. I managed to hit a late night meeting which was also needed.
Right now, I'm just struggling with an overwhelming feeling of blah!! Just very little motivation and not feeling really anything... Happy or sad.
I also feel insanely awkward, socially. I feel like I have no idea how to talk to other people or interact. My roommate who I've been friends with for 10 years, I'm even struggling to talk to. I feel so guarded and again just blah!!
I just keep telling myself I'm worth it and this too shall pass... Even if I don't wholeheartedly believe it right now. It's the only thing really keeping me sober.
Just needed to get that off my chest. I really hope soon to start interacting with others on here as well.
- Josh
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Josh, I'm glad you're getting through this. Maybe this is time to start getting to know yourself better and figure out what kind of things you enjoy doing. Give yourself a little more time to get used to interacting socially without alcohol. Congratulations on Day 9.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
An accountability thread here is a wonderful idea. I also suggest branching out and talking to others in their threads. There is an amazing amount of power in the simple act of one alcoholic helping another.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 22
Just wrapping up Day 10 of sobriety.
Made it to the gym, didn't want too but did it anyways. Went to a meeting, didn't want too but did it anyways.
I got so much out of today and all because I pushed myself to do it.
I still feel a little off, it's just so surreal to me, sobriety that is. I haven't gone more than 16 consecutive days without a drink since 2008 when I was 18 years old. It's made me realize that alcohol truly was my number one priority and came first before everything/everyone. I feel like I've broken up with a best friend yet mortal enemy. So it's just strange. Damn it, it's put in perspective how much time I devoted and wasted to my addiction. My emotions are so all over the place, I feel insanely bipolar currently but from what I read this is normal.
It's been so nice to sleep through an entire night without waking up because my body is going through withdrawals. And I've sure as hell loved waking up feeling rested and without the hangover and the need to have a drink to start my day.
Just taking it 24 hours at a time, sometimes even an hour at a time or minutes at a time of that makes sense.
Hope everyone is having an awesome start to their week and being recovery warriors
- Josh
Made it to the gym, didn't want too but did it anyways. Went to a meeting, didn't want too but did it anyways.
I got so much out of today and all because I pushed myself to do it.
I still feel a little off, it's just so surreal to me, sobriety that is. I haven't gone more than 16 consecutive days without a drink since 2008 when I was 18 years old. It's made me realize that alcohol truly was my number one priority and came first before everything/everyone. I feel like I've broken up with a best friend yet mortal enemy. So it's just strange. Damn it, it's put in perspective how much time I devoted and wasted to my addiction. My emotions are so all over the place, I feel insanely bipolar currently but from what I read this is normal.
It's been so nice to sleep through an entire night without waking up because my body is going through withdrawals. And I've sure as hell loved waking up feeling rested and without the hangover and the need to have a drink to start my day.
Just taking it 24 hours at a time, sometimes even an hour at a time or minutes at a time of that makes sense.
Hope everyone is having an awesome start to their week and being recovery warriors
- Josh
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 98
I'm day 14. I realize that I assumed that everything would be better as soon as I quit. It is going to take time. For now, just getting through the day without a drink is an accomplishment to be very proud of. Don't worry about anything else. Great job. 10 days is a huge deal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by jseattle 
I'm day 14. I realize that I assumed that everything would be better as soon as I quit. It is going to take time. For now, just getting through the day without a drink is an accomplishment to be very proud of. Don't worry about anything else. Great job. 10 days is a huge deal.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 22
Finished Day 12.
I don't have any meetings close to me Tuesday's and Wednesday's so I've just been studying the Big Book.
Tonight, I went over to my cousins. We are close but it felt so good to be genuinely present for the conversation and to genuinely laugh. I usually would go over there and even though I love her was thinking about how fast I could get out of there without being rude so I could have a drink. Felt nice to just be there and present.
Hope everyone is having a great week so far.
- Josh
I don't have any meetings close to me Tuesday's and Wednesday's so I've just been studying the Big Book.
Tonight, I went over to my cousins. We are close but it felt so good to be genuinely present for the conversation and to genuinely laugh. I usually would go over there and even though I love her was thinking about how fast I could get out of there without being rude so I could have a drink. Felt nice to just be there and present.
Hope everyone is having a great week so far.
- Josh
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Fantastic job on day 12 josh. Keep going, it gets easier and better. It's amazing how much we miss out on when we are drinking or planning our lives around drinking. Like you, i'm glad my life isn't controlled by my drinking anymore.
Great work
Great work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 22
Day 18 complete. It's been so hard.
My dads been sick and ended up passing away today. I'm so grateful he got to see me sober and I was able to have a goodbye with him and get some closure.
Life happens, it just sucks this had to happen in early recovery when I'm still learning how to feel my feelings and process them.
I want to drink so bad but I'm not. I know that it's not going to solve anything.
Is there anyone that's gone through a loved ones loss in early recovery? Or know someone that has?
I really don't know how to cope. My only coping mechanism has been booze and pills. I can do this. I can do this!
My dads been sick and ended up passing away today. I'm so grateful he got to see me sober and I was able to have a goodbye with him and get some closure.
Life happens, it just sucks this had to happen in early recovery when I'm still learning how to feel my feelings and process them.
I want to drink so bad but I'm not. I know that it's not going to solve anything.
Is there anyone that's gone through a loved ones loss in early recovery? Or know someone that has?
I really don't know how to cope. My only coping mechanism has been booze and pills. I can do this. I can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm really sorry for your loss Josh.
I've lost a few friends. What I've learned is - grief is natural. We're meant to be sad when you lose someone close to us.
That's hard for drinkers like us because we spent years avoiding that kind of pain by drinking.
I found out that drinking never helps us deal with anything - it puts us in an unending loop
drinking is about escape not coping - and the pain remains, red and raw....which means we drink more...but the pain remains, so we drink even more...and so on.
Dealing with grief is hard - but sober (and with support) we can move through it.
We can eventually make some kind of sense of the loss, and we learn to cherish the memories rather than nursing the pain.
That's the way it's meant to be. Please don't be afraid of that process Josh.
Lean on the support you have here, and elsewhere.
D
I've lost a few friends. What I've learned is - grief is natural. We're meant to be sad when you lose someone close to us.
That's hard for drinkers like us because we spent years avoiding that kind of pain by drinking.
I found out that drinking never helps us deal with anything - it puts us in an unending loop
drinking is about escape not coping - and the pain remains, red and raw....which means we drink more...but the pain remains, so we drink even more...and so on.
Dealing with grief is hard - but sober (and with support) we can move through it.
We can eventually make some kind of sense of the loss, and we learn to cherish the memories rather than nursing the pain.
That's the way it's meant to be. Please don't be afraid of that process Josh.
Lean on the support you have here, and elsewhere.
D
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