Notices

I'm so powerless...need help

Old 04-30-2016, 02:25 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 5
I'm so powerless...need help

Try to keep this short. Just joined SR last night after finally completed 24 hrs of sobriety around 10pm. Went to sleep early, woke up early and felt like I was on cloud nine! Walked to beach to watch sunrise which haven't done in prob 6 months bc always sleeping late and unmotivated. Know it's only day one and the euphoric feeling would change and go through many phases. Went to my 1st ever AA meeting at noon today and meet a lot of great people and for many numbers in case I felt the urge to drink. Was so proud to get white token even if one day but big commitment on my part. Got home and got in a big disagreement with wife (nothing to do with alcohol). I've always know she's a trigger for me but that shouldn't matter as I am the only one who can control if I drink or don't. Looked at the white chip countless times and kept reading the AA schedule and names/numbers I received today. Tried drinking cups of Gatorade and juice but after she walked out to work without saying a word I broke down and I'm weak having a drink and it kills me inside.

I understand I need counseling to learn healthy ways to deal with my triggers not too mention what got me to this point.

Here's what I don't get. I've been drinking a fifth of vodka a night sometimes more for maybe a year and heavily for years. I just went 40 hours cold turkey with hardly any WD physical symptoms, no shakes, very mild sweats, regular pulse and slightly elevated bp. Saw dr on Friday and he told me to take Xanax 1mg 3x day for week and vit b1,b6, folic. I went cold turkey 6 months ago for 3 weeks with minimal side effects.

I know no medical advice here but do you think with counseling and self detox this can be done or inpatient or other needed? Greatly appreciate anyone's advice or help...so ready to move on. God bless.
Newbegennings is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 02:56 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberaccountant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
Hi there,

I think you're taking the right steps in reaching out and asking for help. The excessive drinking is likely only a symptom of your real problem. This is my own personal opinion and I don't really know your whole mental health state, but I do believe detoxing on your own is possible if you have the willpower and motivation to do it. I think a big thing you need to work on is not letting your emotions drive you to do things such as drinking after an argument with your wife. You may potentially benefit from some sort of counseling, it could be very helpful for you--but that is for you to decide. If going to those AA meetings proved to be helpful for you, keep going back as much as you need to. I can bet that a lot of people in those rooms have had similar experiences that you have had and they can be of a lot of support.

I have personally taken xanax, and it can help a lot with anxiety. I have never heard of it being used to help alcohol cravings. But I just want to offer a fair warning...be careful with xanax. For some it can be habit forming and highly addictive. Take it only as needed.
soberaccountant is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 03:28 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
 
Lightning Bug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Action is power. As long as you are taking action you will have power. Imagine Superman as a young boy. He stumbled each time he tried to fly. He always got back up and tried again. Then suddenly he was soaring. Action is power. You are not powerless. You are taking steps to fly. Soon you will soar.
Lightning Bug is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 03:33 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberaccountant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
Just want to add that it even says in the big book of AA: "Its about spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection". Whether we are dealing with alcohol program, emotional issues, drug issues, etc...we are fighting a spiritual battle that we have to overcome. If you feel like you failed get up and try again. You're not a failure, you're just progressing towards success.
soberaccountant is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 03:35 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,671
Welcome to the family. In order to stay sober, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink.
least is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 03:47 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I have to agree WE are not powerless (IMO). I am not "all powerful" and often make mistakes, but I can make decisions to help myself.

You made a mistake (in my opinion) by drinking. But it was just a mistake despite how bad it could end up. Pick yourself up and move on (hug).

I am finding for myself that is important to remember that YOU ARE NOT WEAK!

Sometimes a person will screw up, and it is humiliating, embarrassing and potentially life threatening. But if we step up to the plate and try again... that is huge!

Although the dr will no longer prescribe it due to the bad rep xanex has for addictive people, it always helped me during the detox phase. Just do what ever works and listen to your doctor if you trust him or her.

yep ... circumstances push me toward the choice of drinking. I've stopped feeling guilty about admitting that. counseling and support is what I have to do to stop that cycle. In the end drinking always leads to worse results.

Counseling has been very important for me, but I have to have a councilor who actually knows what they are doing

Basically .... Just stick with it. You made a mistake today, but you can still do this deal (hug) Don't give up !!!!

In patient can be good, but after my last one ... take someone with you and be sure they make sure about the place. And always be sure you have a way to contact someone if the experience isn't working. Valley Hopes are pretty good.
Ananda is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 04:05 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
teatreeoil007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I understand how a disagreement with the wife could be a trigger, so good job in noting that. Part of a good recovery plan is knowing your triggers...and another part of a good recovery plan is knowing what you will DO when you encounter triggers. We gotta keep living and interacting with others. We WILL come up against friction and disagreements. Other people will say things that 'set us off', whether intentional or not. Some people are going to be difficult to be around in early sobriety until we get stronger and develop some sober muscles. It's amazing to me how others can sort of sabotage your efforts at sobriety, and perhaps much of that is unintentional, but other people tend to enjoy pushing your buttons to get a reaction out of you, etc. In come cases they do it for attention, but in other cases it could be just plain old animosity. If someone can't be nice to me and treat me with kindness, then I just do my best not to be around them.
teatreeoil007 is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 04:25 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome NewBeginnings
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 05:09 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
Originally Posted by Newbegennings View Post
I know no medical advice here but do you think with counseling and self detox this can be done or inpatient or other needed? Greatly appreciate anyone's advice or help...so ready to move on. God bless.
You've talked to your dr and gotten good advice. If you are motivated, you will be able to stop drinking. I think there are many ways to stop drinking and recover and you need to find what works for you. It might be a good idea to try to come up with a plan for what you would do each day to support your recovery.
Anna is online now  
Old 04-30-2016, 05:32 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
AdelineRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Only you know exactly what you need to do in order to get sober. Going to inpatient might allow you to get away from any household drama for a month, but you'll eventually have to go home sometime.

Counseling is a huge tool. I am 9 months sober from heroin and I never went to inpatient. You just need to decide that you want to be sober more than anything else in the entire world and to do whatever it takes. Whether that is counseling, AA meetings, many doctor's appointments, out patient rehab, inpatient rehab, reading books, giving away your car keys..whatever YOU need to do it then that is what you need to do.
AdelineRose is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 05:38 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 5
Thank you all soooo much for the support. More than I've had in a lifetime and brought me to tears. I overcame a serious opiate addiction several years back and know it can be done with alcohol. I obviously just need to determine the route cause of my addictions and treat as well as make a future plan to avoid relapse. Thank you all so much.
Newbegennings is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 05:55 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
Hello and welcome.

I really hope I don't come off as lecturing or anything like that-I'm just passionate about being recovered, and it is possible to be recover-ed.

First-stop beating yourself up because you view yourself as weak. And you also said "your wife is a trigger but you can't use that as an excuse because you are the one who controls whether you drink or not." You do not control whether you drink or not--I tried for years to figure out WHY i drank and WHY i chose to drink, knowing the landslide it would result in. WE DO NOT CHOSE TO DRINK. We drink because we are alcoholic and we are different from our fellows. We however cannot use that as an excuse to chose to NOT drink. I know it sounds confusing.

Triggers are a word used by rehabs and inpatient places-places designed originally to help addicts and alcoholics but, remember the AA program was around before going to rehab was the flavor of the month. I have been to countless rehabs and I believe, in my experience, they helped build a foundation for my recovery. I was a sponge in the first few, soaking up info, knowledge and advice. If you have never been to one, it might be a good idea, to give you a foundation. I would go to a rehab though, not just a detox.

Remember-Xanax is highly addictive and probably should be avoided at all costs. There are many anti-anxiety drugs out there that can be prescribed that are not physically addicting. If you are worried about withdraw symptoms, which is sounds like you are lucky to not have, wherever you go to to rehab will give you something.

This is not medical advice and this is my own experience.

Good luck and remember-it IS possible to live joyous and free-I promise!!
pandblvr is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 05:59 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi NB, I don't know your age, but let me tell you, my father is 72 and his spouse, who happens to be my Mom has kept him an alcoholic for his whole life (a trigger). I'm not passing judgement on your spouse, but it is important to separate anger at someone and drinking. With determination you can do it.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 06:18 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
and I just read your reply of thanks

.....and it brought me to tears also.

I too overcame an opiate addiction. I come from a wealthy family, I went to college and had great grades, I had friends and was athletic, I had a great life but I got sucked in to my addiction and alcoholism. I became homeless and a prostitute in Baltimore city. I was an IV cocaine and heroin abuser. I was on methadone for ten years. I made it out alive-with no diseases or permanent health issues.

I still thought I could drink alcohol. As long as I wasn't sticking a needle in my neck, I was okay. Every now and then I think my alcoholism was worse than my drug addiction--I don't know which was worse, but they were both hell. I do know that I felt as hopeless, alone and lost on alcohol as I did coming down off of cocaine and withdrawing from heroine in city jail. I now know my worse bottom was the point when I realized I could no longer live with or without alcohol and I was literally empty inside. I looked in the mirror and scared the crap out of myself. Alcohol had kicked my butt--I was defeated. How could a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman who had crawled out of the dirty depths of junkie hell in Baltimore city be beaten down by alcohol? Alcohol was my courage, my spirit, my past, my future--everything I did revolved around it, from driving, to shopping, to working, gardening, meeting people, eating......It was fun in the beginning. But not in the end.

I asked God, whom I thought hated me, abandoned me, was disgusted by me, for help. I don't know where I got that idea--I had prayed before and I was convinced nothing happened. I prayed that I could fall asleep and then when I woke up if he would just help me stop drinking. I woke up and I went to a meeting. I met a lady, who came into the meeting late, was not previously planning on going to that meeting, but she said she felt propelled to go. And she just introduced herself and said she would read the Big Book of AA with me and would help me understand it if I wanted. That was 15 months ago and I am recovered.

I'm working the steps, I fall short everyday, I'm not perfect, but I keep asking for guidance and asking to show me who needs my help. I'm not sure who I'm asking, but I'm asking someone or something and the path is continually lit for me.

It is possible to be happy and sober. You've done it before with opiates. It's inside you, you just have to uncover it again.

Good luck and keep fighting <3
pandblvr is offline  
Old 04-30-2016, 06:20 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
good advice AdelineRose<3
pandblvr is offline  
Old 05-01-2016, 12:51 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Newbegennings!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 05-01-2016, 02:16 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Those numbers people gave you are for just those moments. How did they know you'd have those moments??? Because they've been there and know what it's like. So, lesson learned. Next time, don't just look at the numbers, CALL them. Tell someone how you're feeling and let them help you. That's the power of the fellowship. When I don't feel like I have the necessary power, I reach out to my higher power, and to other AAers who will lend me some of their strength, hope and wisdom. Often as I'm talking my rubbish out of my head, the insanity of it hits me in the face, and I know from listening to myself where my thinking is skewed. Sometimes I don't recognise it myself, but they do and can offer me a different perspective,. But whatever, I always feel better and stronger after talking with someone from the fellowship.

You say your wife triggers you to drink. You know, i used to think all kinds of things triggered me to drink. But then I realised that the problem wasn't those things at all. It was me. I had, somewhere along the line, decided that alcohol was the solution to the problem of me feeling bad (fearful, anxious, rejected, resentful, jealous, angry, guilty or whatever). So, whenever something made me feel bad I wanted to drink. And the problem never went away. Often I behaved badly because I'd drunk and made things even worse than they already were.

What I've learned through AA is how to accept life on life's terms. Those people I can't change, the things I can't have, the person I am not, the world injustices that go on. When I was drinking I didn't realise how much futile anger I carried around. I was one little walking tantrum to be honest. Expecting everything to resolve around me. Now I know to treat wishful thinking, willfulness and self pity with utmost caution.

Why not give pour away any alcohol you still have in the house and call one of those numbers?
Berrybean is offline  
Old 05-03-2016, 03:03 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 5
Thank you all so very much. Today's a new day and bc of your support it will be a good day!
Newbegennings is offline  
Old 05-03-2016, 04:50 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welp, how bout committing to a few meetings every week for a while
and use those phone numbers? they help greatly but not if they arent used.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 05-03-2016, 05:01 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
waywardson8260's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,501
Have a great day Newbeginnings!
waywardson8260 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:25 PM.