Kp1130

So it's been a while since my first post, but here's an update. Of course I was right and my AH did in fact relapse and has been in one since (about a month now). He had like maybe a week clean. I said if he wasn't clean he couldn't live here anymore. Why can't I do what I said I was gonna do?

So a couple days his best friend who is also a good friend of mine freakin OD after being clean for 5 months. I'm so heartbroken about it. He was doing so well and I thought for sure he was going to be a success story. Then out of no where he shoots up and dies.

I just got finished holding my 6 year old son trying to console him because his uncle ( they were also close) died. I'm so mad at him right now like how could he do this? I also feel guilty for being so mad at him when he passed away.

So then the reality hits that my AH gets the same stuff from the same guy and he could very well be next. So now more than ever I feel like I need to stand my ground. I should kick him out unless he goes to rehab right? At the same time I feel like T really wanted to be clean he tried a bunch of times was doing all the right things and then goes and shoots up and dies. So if my AH doesn't even really want it, will it even matter if he goes?

I'm sorry this is kind of all over the place, I'm really upset right now. I need to find the strength somehow. He keeps asking for 10 more days so he can get the shot and then be cured. I keep telling him it's not a cure all. He just doesn't listen. Even T was on the shot and look what happened. How does anyone find the strength to kick them out on the street with nothing when you know where they'll end up? I know he could die here and I think that's even worse but I just can't seem to follow through. Sigh

Bekindalways

Wow KP, that is really really hard. I am so sorry for the loss of this good friend.

You may very well need more support to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your child. Have you tried Alanon? It doesn't work for everyone but might be worth a try.

Also try less to think about him and his problems and more about what you need to do for yourself and your child.

Sissi

Dear KP1130

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your boyfriend's relapse. I know exactly how you feel, the number one fear in life that he may die. That fear has always been the underlying reason to why I have had so much difficulties with setting up boundaries for my addicted father and my addicted boyfriend. I guess that in the end, if it happen it will happen and we cannot prevent it. But I know that if it happens, I will be even more heartbroken if I know that I have been enabling his addiction. That is why I really think you should throw him out of your home, by kindness for him. I have learned that we cannot help our loved ones, if they dont want it themselves for 100 % 😰.

I send you all my prayers and strength, you seem to be such an intelligent and big-hearted woman. You deserve the best!

AnvilheadII

i'm so sorry for your loss. especially when your AH is also a user of the very same drug.

here is the thing.....with this tragic death, your AH isn't already making a bee line for the nearest rehab, he is asking for 10 more days (of freedom to use the drug of death) and THEN, he'll get a shot and be magically cured. he is willing to risk it all.......when you have given him every chance, done your best to get him to the other side.

the street dope out there today is toxic and deadly, more than ever before. but the addiction is so strong it overrides one's survival mechanism.

you have to make the choice that is best for you and your child. and know that is the best you can do.