Lightning Bug

I am using an old account, but normally I have been using Lightningbug. Can't login because I can't remember the password.

I just got out of involuntary inpatient. Was there two days. What happened was that on Tuesday I decided one bottle of wine was insufficient so I demanded my keys from my husband. He wouldn't give them to me so in my theatrical way I packed a bag and called a cab to take me to the closest hotel to my work.

We stopped at Walgreen's and I got a bottle of red - which I hate. Went to the hotel and drank all of it. You would think I would just pass out? But no. I fell into the toilet and broke it and flooded the bathroom. I called my husband and told him dramatically that I was going to kill myself (was for attention, didn't mean it literally). He tracked me down through my credit card and EMS showed up to cart me off.

Coming back with the rest of my story, I don't want to lose what I have written so far.

Lightning Bug

So, I end up in the Er with a concussion. My head is a mess. They treated me and off to psych I went.

I spent two days coloring, sleeping and watching TV. There was no treatment of any kind. I was given my usual meds. They discharged me today and told me to see my doctor.

Husband picks me up and unleashes holy hell. I am a horrible worthless piece of garbage. I should have just done it. I need to get out. I am nothing more than a third child and messy roommate

Worse, hotel billed my debit card a grand for the toilet which over drafted me and now I couldn't leave if I wanted.

Hawkeye13

Wow. . . sounds like a terrible week
of course husband will be really angry,
but you aren't a bad person or worthless
you have an addiction--

What's your sober plan moving forward LB--you can't change the past,
but you can use it to build a better present & future
One small step at a time. . . it's hard but you can do it.

Sending you a hug--sounds like you could use one right now

Lightning Bug

I feel like a worthless piece of garbage. I am in a state of shock at what I did. I have no one to talk to or anywhere to go. I am alone in the disgusting body and mind.

doggonecarl

I am sorry to see the consequences that your decision to drink has wrought.

kittycat3

Not true earth steps / LB, you can talk to us. You are not worthless or garbage. You have an addiction. This latest scare sounds awful but you can recover from it if you work towards it. One day at a time.
Is treatment an option for you? Have you looked into treatment programs so you can get some help?

Soberwolf

Welcome back lighteningbug Id suggest getting bk on the horse/water wagon and do all you can to accept your alcoholism, action with a plan or programme is essential

As is reaching out and I'm really glad your back & not drinking

One breath at a time you can do this

thelatheguy

Yeah, that wasn't good. Glad you are alive or not in jail. Look on the bright side, it could have been much worse and also, you will never have to go through that ever again. It's all up to you. Hoping the best. Happy you're here. Peace...out

Lightning Bug

I want to try Rational Recovery. Has anyone tried that?

BixBees505

You are not worthless. Time spent drinking is what is worthless thing...less than zero. That first buzzy feeling? Worthless. The last unconscious damage done to person and property? Worthless. Expensive and without worth, without value.

Lightning Bug

I lost the person I used to be. I don't take caste of myself. I don't do anything around the house or with the kids. I come home from work and drink. I have been on campral for the last three weeks - so except for Tuesday I was sober. Except I was still this empty shell of a person who put on a facade for people at work while I literally died inside.

Lightning Bug

Thanks. I have read many of your posts and you sound so positive.

Lightning Bug

I am trying to find some resources. I lost my phone at the hotel and I am typing this all out on my kid's kindle. I am trying to make sense but I don't even know what to do first.

Garden Girl

Sometimes it takes something horribly memorable to really make us want to quit for good. Keep your head up, it will get better LB.

BixBees505

Lightningbug, it will take more than 3 weeks sober to even begin to recover your personality and the person you were. But "you" are not lost, you are deeply anesthetized and poisoned. You can recover. I hope you take advantage of this crisis ...maybe inpatient treatment and everything else you can grab. That would be so great.

Lightning Bug

I can't do inpatient because of my responsibilities with work and kids. But I can do outpatient. I know a place. I can try that.

Soberwolf

This is the questions only you can answer lighteningbug

Do you want to be sober ? Do you want to be sober more than you want to drink ?

AdelineRose

Don't give up, and instead of beating yourself up over and over again use this as an experience to NEVER forget. I would write down in a journal exactly how you are feeling; mentally and physically. Write down what drinking it doing to your self respect and self worth. Write down the repercussions that have occurred with your husband. Make sure this experience is stuck in your mind and if you refuse to ever drink again this can be the last low moment of your drinking "career".

Lightning Bug

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
I'm done. I want sobriety more than anything. Without it I lose everything.

Venecia

I know of several members who have had a good experience with intensive outpatient treatment. Hope you can make that contact asap.