Day 3
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Day 3
I wanted to wait longer before posting an update. Partly because I felt I wasn't doing well enough yet. Partly because I'm embarrassed about how it went last time I was posting.
But both aren't valid reasons since I'm sober again, on day 3. I had literally gotten to a point where I could not drink any more. I could not put more in my body. Imagine breathing in a much as you can and then taking another breath. You can't. It kind of felt like that.
So that naturally lead to quitting and now I'm on day 3. In the past I had only mild withdrawal symptoms. Now I would call them mild - medium. Still nothing to really be bothered or concerned about. And it seems like the worst is over.
Currently I'm awaiting an invitation from the place where we're going to work on my underlying issues. I hope that will soon.
Drinking is a hell that I put myself through again. You guys were trying to get that through to me last time I was posting but I was too stubborn and in a psychosis-like state. And drunk. Doesn't help when you're trying to get through to someone.
You should have seen my place after my last binge. Empty beer cans everywhere. Everything was a mess. It was the place of someone who was going in the wrong direction fast.
Dee gave me a link to Louis Theroux's documentary about alcoholism. That one left a heavy impression on me and is still in the back of my mind. If you haven't seen it, I recommend you watch it.
Ok, when you fall down, the only option is getting back up. So now I'm sober again, am on medication that is beginning to have a positive effect (no more seroquel fortunately). And I'm awaiting treatment.
I won't post as often as I used to I think. Just every once in a while as an update. Or when I need help. Or at a milestone day.
Sorry about the previous posts.
But both aren't valid reasons since I'm sober again, on day 3. I had literally gotten to a point where I could not drink any more. I could not put more in my body. Imagine breathing in a much as you can and then taking another breath. You can't. It kind of felt like that.
So that naturally lead to quitting and now I'm on day 3. In the past I had only mild withdrawal symptoms. Now I would call them mild - medium. Still nothing to really be bothered or concerned about. And it seems like the worst is over.
Currently I'm awaiting an invitation from the place where we're going to work on my underlying issues. I hope that will soon.
Drinking is a hell that I put myself through again. You guys were trying to get that through to me last time I was posting but I was too stubborn and in a psychosis-like state. And drunk. Doesn't help when you're trying to get through to someone.
You should have seen my place after my last binge. Empty beer cans everywhere. Everything was a mess. It was the place of someone who was going in the wrong direction fast.
Dee gave me a link to Louis Theroux's documentary about alcoholism. That one left a heavy impression on me and is still in the back of my mind. If you haven't seen it, I recommend you watch it.
Ok, when you fall down, the only option is getting back up. So now I'm sober again, am on medication that is beginning to have a positive effect (no more seroquel fortunately). And I'm awaiting treatment.
I won't post as often as I used to I think. Just every once in a while as an update. Or when I need help. Or at a milestone day.
Sorry about the previous posts.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Mike,
I know you feel bad and embarrassed about your last posts, and probably bout other stuff from that period, but try to have the serenity to accept that and the courage to change what you can going forward.
Not an AA, but I have always loved the serenity prayer my whole life, but I have added a line:
Universe please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can and to do the next right thing even when its hard;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
For me, the hard part has been learning that the only thing I can change is me and my perception of things. Definitely not the past.
Shame is no good for anyone, but humility is a good trait to foster in recovery and in life.
I know you feel bad and embarrassed about your last posts, and probably bout other stuff from that period, but try to have the serenity to accept that and the courage to change what you can going forward.
Not an AA, but I have always loved the serenity prayer my whole life, but I have added a line:
Universe please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can and to do the next right thing even when its hard;
And the wisdom to know the difference.
For me, the hard part has been learning that the only thing I can change is me and my perception of things. Definitely not the past.
Shame is no good for anyone, but humility is a good trait to foster in recovery and in life.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by MikeM 
Currently I'm awaiting an invitation from the place where we're going to work on my underlying issues. I hope that will soon.
**********
Ok, when you fall down, the only option is getting back up. So now I'm sober again, am on medication that is beginning to have a positive effect (no more seroquel fortunately). And I'm awaiting treatment.
Mike, you should never, ever feel embarrassed about coming back here and posting. You are always welcome here. I absolutely celebrated with you as you reached each of your previous milestones- which you can have back again. You have to keep trying.
The thing is, it is not going to come and get you, you have to go for it.
What does "currently waiting on an invitation" mean? This is not state dinner we're talking about, keeping ringing the line until you get some answers on dates and times. Same for the lat statement bolded, stop waiting for something to happen and make it happen.
In rehab I learned that a common quality that nearly all alcoholics shared was the habit of putting things off- I'll pay that bill tomorrow, I can clean tomorrow, I'll cut the grass this weekend, I'll call mom next week when I'm less stressed, I'll quit tomorrow, I'll call the doctor tomorrow....
I hope you can step up and take some serious, decisive action. With you all the way buddy!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Good to see you back Mike. Just a thought, but I noticed the last few times you've started a thread, all of your posts on this forum were related to your thread. You've had 70 days so you know what's it like for the folks coming here for the first time, maybe imparting some of your experience to them might help you in your own sobriety. Wish you well.
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Mike, you should never, ever feel embarrassed about coming back here and posting. You are always welcome here. I absolutely celebrated with you as you reached each of your previous milestones- which you can have back again. You have to keep trying.
The thing is, it is not going to come and get you, you have to go for it.
What does "currently waiting on an invitation" mean? This is not state dinner we're talking about, keeping ringing the line until you get some answers on dates and times. Same for the lat statement bolded, stop waiting for something to happen and make it happen.
In rehab I learned that a common quality that nearly all alcoholics shared was the habit of putting things off- I'll pay that bill tomorrow, I can clean tomorrow, I'll cut the grass this weekend, I'll call mom next week when I'm less stressed, I'll quit tomorrow, I'll call the doctor tomorrow....
I hope you can step up and take some serious, decisive action. With you all the way buddy!
The thing is, it is not going to come and get you, you have to go for it.
What does "currently waiting on an invitation" mean? This is not state dinner we're talking about, keeping ringing the line until you get some answers on dates and times. Same for the lat statement bolded, stop waiting for something to happen and make it happen.
In rehab I learned that a common quality that nearly all alcoholics shared was the habit of putting things off- I'll pay that bill tomorrow, I can clean tomorrow, I'll cut the grass this weekend, I'll call mom next week when I'm less stressed, I'll quit tomorrow, I'll call the doctor tomorrow....
I hope you can step up and take some serious, decisive action. With you all the way buddy!
That's all I could do regarding that. And it's possible that I get a letter next week or the one after. It's happened to me before. In the meantime I can choose to get admitted to be sure. And I can pick up what helped me so well the previous time. Plus, the medication is beginning to make it easier.
But yeah, there is a risk in the time in between. What I do know is that I can asked to be admitted any time, day or night and I intend to do so the moment I feel like I'm going in the wrong direction again. But at this point my desire to drink is minus 1 million.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Mike I was in a similar situation. They wait was at first a "few weeks" but "we'll" see what we can do" that ten got dropped to 10 days as I opted for a private room. "About 10 days" was the answer I got. But I called every day, wanting to know how long the wait was RIGHT NOW, and asked more questions to prepare for the treatment. The 10 days eventually shrunk to 3-4 days until finally I was in there. I felt like a jerk calling up so much, but at least I was doing something. I found out long ago no one is going to help me as much as I am going to help myself. Call up again and see what is going on with the wait. Be annoying.
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Glad to see you back Mike
Our drinking brains work very differently than our sober ones. I agree with other posters. Letting go of the shame will make it easier for you to re-embrace sobriety.
Reaching out before you drink will help. Did you tweak or do you have a plan?
I also think if you start to struggle like Thomas said posting and helping some newcomers really helps to get me out of my mind by imparting some words on my experience, strength and hope.
You can do this! We are all with you
Our drinking brains work very differently than our sober ones. I agree with other posters. Letting go of the shame will make it easier for you to re-embrace sobriety.
Reaching out before you drink will help. Did you tweak or do you have a plan?
I also think if you start to struggle like Thomas said posting and helping some newcomers really helps to get me out of my mind by imparting some words on my experience, strength and hope.
You can do this! We are all with you
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Mike I was in a similar situation. They wait was at first a "few weeks" but "we'll" see what we can do" that ten got dropped to 10 days as I opted for a private room. "About 10 days" was the answer I got. But I called every day, wanting to know how long the wait was RIGHT NOW, and asked more questions to prepare for the treatment. The 10 days eventually shrunk to 3-4 days until finally I was in there. I felt like a jerk calling up so much, but at least I was doing something. I found out long ago no one is going to help me as much as I am going to help myself. Call up again and see what is going on with the wait. Be annoying.
I've made a plan. Right now I'm feeling two things: exhaustion and restlessness. Especially the restlessness concerns me because it's what always showed up a short while before a relapse. Exhaustion lowers my defenses.
So I've decided to have myself admitted and wait until the therapy begins in the hospital. A long time ago I was in a similar situation, though there wasn't alcohol involved back then. It was about working on other issues.
I couldn't live at home. So I started therapy while being admitted and they helped and guided me to gradually being able to function on my own.
So that's it. I'm going to post this, log off and make the call. I dread going to the hospital since the memories aren't particularly good. But I dread another relapse more.
I'll be back. At some point.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
In rehab I learned that a common quality that nearly all alcoholics shared was the habit of putting things off- I'll pay that bill tomorrow, I can clean tomorrow, I'll cut the grass this weekend, I'll call mom next week when I'm less stressed, I'll quit tomorrow, I'll call the doctor tomorrow....
Procrastination is common to alcoholics? Hmmm I didn't realize that. Figured I was weird. Normies aren't as prone to this?
Procrastination is common to alcoholics? Hmmm I didn't realize that. Figured I was weird. Normies aren't as prone to this?
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