roandlan

It's me again, Ms. smart-ass "today is the day". I have a feeling some of you saw this coming. Nope. It wasn't the day, and last week, although I didn't have any wine, the clever idea of vodka in fruit juice every afternoon (so much easier to hide one big plastic bottle than 15 glass ones) so I was pretty well "relaxed" at 5pm every day, didn't get raging drunk so my spouse didn't notice- or maybe he did, and is simply used to it. Last night was a bad one (again)- don't remember some of it; but I have some bad bruises and I know once more that this sucks. I'm not going to say "today is the day", because it isn't. Maybe tomorrow is.
Thanks for the hopeful and helpful replies- I almost did not return because I feel so shamed and stupid. But then I read some other threads- that guy with the guitar-playing picture, whose family and work didn't know- that's somebody I can relate to. And that guy Ron... so honest. I am a coward and I need your help; I ;have never admitted to any of this before I found this site.

Gava

Things will get better! You're doing the right thing by coming here. I've found it to be a big help. Just make it through the day, and the next couple.

I just posted the following in another thread, but at the risk of being annoying, I'll repost it here because it fits:

I'm starting over again myself (Day 2) and I still don't feel so hot, which makes me want to drink.

BUT, I remember that after a little time away from it I felt so good and really didn't have the desire to drink--so I am waiting for that feeling again.

I also was much happier than I have been in awhile.

Nothing beats getting up well-rested, without having to worry about what you said or did the night before, or how you're going to get through the day ahead of you.

Plus the little things that get neglected get attention, which is a stress reliever.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. Best wishes for better times!

Edit: And another thing ... It helped me to focus on the good stuff in store when you quit drinking, and there is a lot of it. You are GAINING a better life when you quit drinking--you aren't just giving up something.

And I think it's hard to appreciate that at the beginning, but I also think it's very true.

dotcom

hello roandlan,

im dot. i am not an alcoholic, but i am an addict. i know what you mean about saying "today is the day" and then realizing its not. and then feeling like crap because i keep saying that today is the day. it took me a long while to finally reach "that day". it was a lot of work, blood, sweat, and tears.

dont feel shamed admitting you are not ready. admitting you have a problem is a good thing. of course, sober is always the way to go. but you took a brave step by admitting today is not the day.

i will tell you an embarressing story, so that way you will know that we've all got our skeletons in our closets. anyone who replies to you and says they havent is full of it, okay?

i was on a binge and i decided i would not attend school for the third day in a row. i wondered why everyone kept wanting me to go to school. i had stuff to smoke and i planned on smoking it. that was natural to me. when people interfered with my plans or commented that using was a bad habit i got really pissed off and embarressed.

so i went to the twack shack and continued my binge. i smoked, snorted and shot all day. soon i started freaking out. i was hearing things and i was very paranoid. when people tried to help me i thought they were hurting me. i somehow ended up pissing all over myself and somehow i got blood on me. eventually i escaped their grasp and tore through a screen with a broken pipe, lol. of course theyd rather me tear the screen with it than threaten them with it. so, **** and blood stained i ran out of the place and hopped in my car. only to drive around all day believing i was being followed.

so, dont feel embarressed. i was extremely embarressed when i figured out that i had pissed myself and had made such a fool of myself. even if they were just junkies. i have many more embarressing stories.

keep posting even if today or tomorrow isnt the day.

hugs,

dot

lulu70

No need for that. All of us have "fallen down" in one way or another. I said I wasn't going to drink anymore a number of times. People just stopped believing me. Finally, I got desperate enough that I knew I could not quit on my own. I needed LOTS of help. Now, by the grace of God as I understand him, the help of AA, and a lot of honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness, I have put together quite a number of 24 hours. When you decide you are really ready, you will be able to do that too.

Hang in there, and keep posting. We are here for you!

Hugs--