don't know who i am
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
don't know who i am
since i started as a teenager, i have not been sober or clean long enough at any one time to really know who i am. i read alot of posts saying they want to get back to their real selves. thanks
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,076
Welcome to SR. There's lots of help and advice here to help get you sober and, remain sober. There's always someone here to listen. I relate to your first post a lot. I'm 55 and spent most of my life under the influence too. Getting sober is the first step in the in finding out who you really are.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
welcome Tom 
I think a lot of the time people are scared who they really are, but I found I really wasn't half as bad as I thought I was. A lot of my self hatred came from drinking.
Finding the real me was a revelation - I'm sure it will be for you too
D
I think a lot of the time people are scared who they really are, but I found I really wasn't half as bad as I thought I was. A lot of my self hatred came from drinking.
Finding the real me was a revelation - I'm sure it will be for you too
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by tomls 
since i started as a teenager, i have not been sober or clean long enough at any one time to really know who i am. i read alot of posts saying they want to get back to their real selves. thanks
I have known many in this condition who sober up to a happy fulfilled life.
It's also there for you if
you pursue it with all of your mind and heart.
Requires making a firm decision.
Mountainmanbob
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Great to meet you, tom. It really helps to talk things over here.
I was the same way - spent over half my life numb & foggy. I thought I was helping myself relax and cope with things, but I was doing just the opposite. I'm glad you want to make a change in your life. You can do it.
I was the same way - spent over half my life numb & foggy. I thought I was helping myself relax and cope with things, but I was doing just the opposite. I'm glad you want to make a change in your life. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I spent thirty years knowing who I was, a drunk. And a bad one.
I've been sober over five years now, and there are remnants of my old self. But, there is another side, too. It's an adventure, I'll tell you. I found I'm not such a bad person and that I didn't have to take such incredible chances in the stupid things I did drunk.
I'm proud to be sober even with all my faults, and there are many.
There's nothing to be afraid about quitting. I can now deal with life on life's terms. Believe me, sometimes it isn't easy. But I wouldn't change it for anything.
I hope you can quit and find the real you, too. You may just like that person.
I spent thirty years knowing who I was, a drunk. And a bad one.
I've been sober over five years now, and there are remnants of my old self. But, there is another side, too. It's an adventure, I'll tell you. I found I'm not such a bad person and that I didn't have to take such incredible chances in the stupid things I did drunk.
I'm proud to be sober even with all my faults, and there are many.
There's nothing to be afraid about quitting. I can now deal with life on life's terms. Believe me, sometimes it isn't easy. But I wouldn't change it for anything.
I hope you can quit and find the real you, too. You may just like that person.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I know what you mean Tom. I was definitely scared that once the drinking had been removed, and my character defects were more under control (I'm AA) that I would be like the hole in a Polo Mint. Disappearing.
I remember hearing an AA speaker talking about this and saying that at the end kf it, we're not bad people trying to get good. He says we always were good underneath all the wreckage we'd picked up along the way (like on of those big magnets in a wreckers yard) which is why we want to change. Another said that its like a statue being formed. At first as we start chipping away at the hunk of marble, it's just plain painful and scary. But as we start to catch a glimpse of the beautiful statue underneath, we'll stop minding the pain. We'll want to discover more and more, and we'll want to hurry the process up. (The statue analogy was Sandy Beach I reckon. And the wrecking ball one Bob B).
I'd say that I'm quieter, calmer, and not so worried about what others think as I was before (sure, I always said I didn't care before, but I understand now that I did. My behaviour was all fear and projection based around other people and what they might think, say or do, and how I could manipulate them). I'm not sure that the old me would have liked the sober /in recovery me one little bit. But the recovered me can genuinely shrug an 'oh well' about that one. Same goes for some of the people I used to hang out with who might have preferred the drunken sloppy BB. Sure, they may be bored by me now. But let's face it, I'm bored by their drinking antics now, so it's just as well really.
As long as I'm working my program I reckon I'm far nicer than I was when drinking. When I DON'T work my program though? Woah, I can get to be a nasty, selfish and depressive dry drunk if I let things slide. I do keep on top of things now because it's been a learning curve finding out the importance of doing that stuff each day.
I remember hearing an AA speaker talking about this and saying that at the end kf it, we're not bad people trying to get good. He says we always were good underneath all the wreckage we'd picked up along the way (like on of those big magnets in a wreckers yard) which is why we want to change. Another said that its like a statue being formed. At first as we start chipping away at the hunk of marble, it's just plain painful and scary. But as we start to catch a glimpse of the beautiful statue underneath, we'll stop minding the pain. We'll want to discover more and more, and we'll want to hurry the process up. (The statue analogy was Sandy Beach I reckon. And the wrecking ball one Bob B).
I'd say that I'm quieter, calmer, and not so worried about what others think as I was before (sure, I always said I didn't care before, but I understand now that I did. My behaviour was all fear and projection based around other people and what they might think, say or do, and how I could manipulate them). I'm not sure that the old me would have liked the sober /in recovery me one little bit. But the recovered me can genuinely shrug an 'oh well' about that one. Same goes for some of the people I used to hang out with who might have preferred the drunken sloppy BB. Sure, they may be bored by me now. But let's face it, I'm bored by their drinking antics now, so it's just as well really.
As long as I'm working my program I reckon I'm far nicer than I was when drinking. When I DON'T work my program though? Woah, I can get to be a nasty, selfish and depressive dry drunk if I let things slide. I do keep on top of things now because it's been a learning curve finding out the importance of doing that stuff each day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Hi tomls
I can completely relate to your story!
I have been drunk / stoned etc more often than not since I was 15 years old - I'm now 41.
I've only been sober 3 weeks and am not qualified to give you any advice - but what I will tell you is being sober is the best gift I ever gave myself!
I think people like us have so much to look forward to - we get the opportunity to create a new life for ourselves.
Scary but not as scary as the alternative!
I'm finding it easier to concentrate on being kind to my body at the moment and getting better - rather than trying to do everything at once.
Like everyone has said - the longer you stay sober the easier it becomes!
Big hugs x
I can completely relate to your story!
I have been drunk / stoned etc more often than not since I was 15 years old - I'm now 41.
I've only been sober 3 weeks and am not qualified to give you any advice - but what I will tell you is being sober is the best gift I ever gave myself!
I think people like us have so much to look forward to - we get the opportunity to create a new life for ourselves.
Scary but not as scary as the alternative!
I'm finding it easier to concentrate on being kind to my body at the moment and getting better - rather than trying to do everything at once.
Like everyone has said - the longer you stay sober the easier it becomes!
Big hugs x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 65
Wow. Well that's a massively brave thing to admit! Why not give yourself the chance to learn? If you detox, you'll be able to kick the habit. By kicking the habit, you'll be able to learn a whole host of new things and hobbies to try and learn about who you are. Use this time to find yourself. Good luck
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