sugarangel

Hi everyone
This is my first post in a while, and my fjrst post in this forum. I have been here though, reading. I also got ahold of the blue na recovery book, and have been reading that as well. But, none of it seems to matter right now. I am on day 1 of no opiates, and i just feel soooo bad. Been here before, but not like this. Am just so tired, and its only just begun. Dont know how to get through all the little minutes and seconds in between everything else. Just feel really lost. Again. Sorry if Im not making much sense but my brain doesnt want to work.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Just feel really lonely and scared.

Berrybean

Hi Sugar Angel. Welcome back. You're not alone. And things will get better - just keep yourself in the middle of the life raft for a while .

sugarangel

Thanks beccybean...,I am giving this time every effort i have in my body. Ireally need to do this. Is just so hard

Coldfusion

Are you taking advantage of any local recovery resources, such as NA meetings? Support can be the key to success.

Soberwolf

Stick close with regular interaction it makes all the difference

Regretoxygirl

You're just a few days behind me! I'm on day 5. The first 2 days really test all your will power but it does start to get better.. Tomorrow may be a little worse but every day after that you'll get a little better I promise. Its awful and emotional and draining in ways I don't even know how to describe but it's going to get better now as fast as we would prefer but in time. We didn't become addicts in a day..

Regretoxygirl

I've been on here constantly it has helped keep me some what sane through out the process

sugarangel

Hi coldfusion. There is only one na meeting close by, but it is def not the right meeting for me. Mostly men, and very hardcore guys. Scary. So, am looking for something else. In the meantime sr is all i have.
Hey soberwolf. Nice to see you. Hope youre doing well.
Thanks guys. Means more than I can say.

doggonecarl

Sorry you're hurting.

So you have the book. Have you been to a meeting? Why not let yourself be guided out of addiction by those who have succeeded.

sugarangel

Hi oxygirl....I read your posts too. Thanks for replying. Is really nice to talk to people who get it. And thanx for encouragement. I really needed it. Hope you are doing good today.

sugarangel

I hear there is a really good womens group, but is not on bus route and havent figured out where exactly it is and how to get there yet. But i am persistent. Just everything is coming very slowly. Cant barely get out of bed. And my best friend of 25 yrs just died on mar 25, so feel really sad and depressed. Last big pill binge was after that. Took too much n coulda died. Need to stop now. Right now. But dammit, they are calling me. Just a few n i wont have to feel anything for a while.
Still no booze tho. 2 yrs apr. 15. But feel nothing about it. I may already be planning my booze relapse. Just want to not feel ANYTHING.

Coldfusion

Of course, I can't make any promises about local resources, but if there is a number to call associated with the women's meeting, maybe somebody could give you a ride. I know my local AA tries to provide transportation service, even though our telephone number is just a recording.

Berrybean

If there is a contact number for that meeting I'd suggest calling it and explaining your situation. Chances are they'll be able to suggest a way of getting there,and there's probably others travelling there from your area if the one locally is scary. That's what the contact number is for. You won't be putting anyone out by asking. Good luck.

AdelineRose

You can do this, even if it feels impossible at this current moment.

I am a recovered heroin addict (8 months) and I know how scary the thought of withdrawls can be, how all consuming they are once they hit, and how you feel like they will never end..but they will.

When I decided I was ready to quit I went to an addiction specialist, got a substance abuse counselor, and I got a psychiatrist. They all work together and I would get drug tested 3 times a week in the beginning and that helped me feel like I was accountable. Also, I was able to get sleep medicine prescribed, gabapentin is also a medicine they prescribed which really helped lower anxiety and lessen the withdrawls for me, and I also took Tylenol for chills, Alieve for aches and pains, immodium for bathroom runs, pepto for nausea, drank non caffeine tea called Sleepy Time Tea to help me relax, and basically loaded up on Netflix watching to keep me busy.

Other things I did was changed my phone number, deleted all contacts, told my entire family I was a heroin addict and asked for emotional support, and deleted facebook. I made it so I couldn't just call up a drug dealer and get drugs in a weak moment I would have to try verrryyy hard to get a number and I had already given my car to a family member so I wouldn't have a ride which made it even harder. Sure, it wasn't impossible (we all know if we want it we will find a way) but it just made it harder and harder for me to get it.

Please continue to reach out, do you have a doctor you can open up to and see if there are any medicines he or she can recommend to help get you over the hump? Please don't drink over this, I used to drink to get over withdrawls and it would only make it worse in the end. You will also be opening up a whole other problem that you do not need right now.

sugarangel

Hi adelinerose
you are one brave woman. Ihave mad respect for the things you did to get sober. I think i may just be a coward. Idont have much respect for myself right now. And, i miss my friend.
That being said, i hear you on the drinking. ....
I have a bottle in the cupboard. Been there over 2 yrs. Thought i was such a tough broad that i could have that there and not touch it. Turns out, it was only because i was blotto on pills all the time. Now, i want that bottle. The irony is Im too damn sick with nausea to drink it. I guess if you wanna mame God laugh, tell Him your plans.

sugarangel

Oh and I do have a nice doc. Obv. Too nice. Guess i am doing something called passive suicide. It was explained to me that while I wont put the gun to my head and pull the trigger, if it accidentally goes off, oh well. I guess it was a polite way of saying i might be too lazy to kill myself proper? Weird thing is, i suddenly want to live. And not half assed anymore. I want to really live. Happy. Free. But my life has been set up, by me, of course, for something else.
Oh sorry. I am rambling again. My thoughts are everywhere.
Thanks so much everyone.

ccam1973

Welcome back Sugarangel. Stay strong now and it will get easier with each passing hour. The anxiety and spiking emotions will die down with some time.

You've got to break this cycle you are in. Bottom line, you absolutely can do this and can get your life back again.

Welcome back.

Chewy88

hey there

just try to do anything to take your mind off of it

walking, movie, reading, exercise, sleeping.........

When the mind is busy it won't address such things

sugarangel

This day feels like its never going to end...

sugarangel

I know there is no easy way through, but God, why does it have to be tnis freaking bad? Sorry. Just wanted to whine for a hot second.