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Lost in sobriety

Old 04-26-2016, 10:38 AM
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Lost in sobriety

Lost, fed up, tired, lonely, isolated, worn down, frustrated, upset. Over 18 months sober and a lot of these feelings are things I'm experiencing a lot of late.

I feel so tired every day when I get up. I've been back and forth to the gp for the last 18 months swapping anti depressants, just had a recent issue with my back passage that I'm sure was brought on by eating huge amounts of junk food, can't seem to get through the days now feel like I need something to move me forward other than what I'm doing for myself.

I feel sad and lonely too, others my age can drink beer, take drugs with no obvious I'll effects. Others can eat a balanced diet inclusive of junk food from time to time with no obvious ill effects. Why does it feel like I need to deprive myself of the above in order for me to be normal?

Normal sucks for me, I'm struggling guys to maintain myself, lacking in energy and enthusiasm. Living in worry, dreading social events, falling out with my girlfriend she says I never go out with her. I'm scared to be honest, I don't feel good in myself and afraid I'll mess up.

On the eve of my birthday today why don't I have a beer? A slice of cake and some crisps? And say what the hell. At the moment I just want to escape I'm pretty lost
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Old 04-26-2016, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Stewy84 View Post
On the eve of my birthday today why don't I have a beer?

And say what the hell. At the moment I just want to escape I'm pretty lost
Because you know it would not be "a" beer. It would be a LOT of beer and you'd end up back in the same hellhole you were in 18 months ago.

You've learned a lot much better ways to deal with life than by escaping it in these past months. Some days are better than others - why not plan something fun for your bday even if it's just as simple as a movie or something like that? Plenty of options besides making everything worse, right?
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Old 04-26-2016, 10:58 AM
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Stewey, have you tried AA at all? Without outside support I gradually got more and more depressed, anxious, resentful, and ashamed. Once I got 6 months in and my boss had tried sending me for counselling (which didn't help because I couldn't bring myself to talk about what was really bothering me) l finally accepted help from others and got on with the 12-step programme and started finding relief.

Could you tell us what your plan looks like so others can make some suggestions of things that could be added to it that could make a diffrerence?
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Old 04-26-2016, 11:20 AM
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Stewy your over 18 months sober that's excellent

Seconding Scott's post it will never be 1

one is too many a thousand is never enough

Lean on us Stewy
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Old 04-26-2016, 05:50 PM
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Hey Stewy!

No good advice here but I wanted to say you are not alone. We got sober around the same time and I think we are about the same age (30). I know I am in a rut right now and recovery, not sobriety, is starting to feel boring. However, I made myself go to a SMART meeting the other day and I saw a guy who looked to be in his late 20's. It was his second day sober and he broke down. It was a tearful reminder of where I was not long ago.

Personally, I hope you don't have a beer bud. The struggle is way too real.
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Old 04-26-2016, 05:57 PM
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There's nothing so bad a drink won't make it worse Stewy.

There are people who are extremely allergic to things like peanuts or seafood, or gluten or lactose intolerant. I've realised lately I can no longer eat cashews or KFC cos they both mess me up with IBS.

Just a fact of life, mate. I'd rather not be able to take alcohol than something like an allergy to processed food for example.

Have you explored any possible solutions beyond your GP?...sorry I know I should know but there's so many members and stories here it's hard to remember.

D
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Old 04-27-2016, 02:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Beccybean View Post
Stewey, have you tried AA at all? Without outside support I gradually got more and more depressed, anxious, resentful, and ashamed. Once I got 6 months in and my boss had tried sending me for counselling (which didn't help because I couldn't bring myself to talk about what was really bothering me) l finally accepted help from others and got on with the 12-step programme and started finding relief. Could you tell us what your plan looks like so others can make some suggestions of things that could be added to it that could make a diffrerence?
In the early days my plan just consisted of following the HALT principles and eating healthy / exercise.

I'm now fat because of all the bingeing, and am stuck in a rut with bingeing and struggling to see a way out.

Me and my girlfriend aren't in a good place and I've been on that many different anti depressants I'm exhausted with them all.

Can you help me with anything I could try to break the negative cycle?
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Old 04-27-2016, 02:27 AM
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I think a recovery plan always helps Stewy - if you need to make a couple for a few different things that's ok too.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

If you feel you've already done this, then maybe more counselling is the way to go - some things are beyond a GP I think?

D
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Old 04-27-2016, 02:45 AM
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Hi Stewey. At only 18 days in , I'm not one to be giving advice, but after 4 years of starting and stopping attempts to get sober, I can tell you that you don't want to go back. What you're feeling now will only be worse if you fall back in the pit. 18 months--what an accomplishment.
What I am trying different this time around, other than being on SR, is going to meetings. I have just started, only 2 meetings in, but I knew I needed something more and different this time around. The difference between being a "dry drunk" and really turning my life around. If AA is not for you, I know there are other meeting options. You sound a bit isolated, and even for someone like me who is a natural introvert, the loneliness was getting too much to bear. Alcoholism is a lonely, isolating disease, but I can already see that sobriety can also be isolating if you don't build a network of people who really understand.
My other thought--what about an exercise program that is somewhat social in nature? A running group with options for all abilities--even beginners. With a specific goal like running a 5k after x amount of preparation. Or a yoga class, or working with a trainer at a gym on a specific goal?

I would also say you sound depressed, but sounds like the different meds not workIng for you. So maybe try another doctor is that's an option, or trying talk therapy instead of meds for a while?

Anyway, "do what I Say, not what I do." I need to take my own advice LOL. One of the problems with depression is that we know what we need to do, but it's so damn hard to get started. You remember that mindless thing alcoholics do where you take that first drink without allowing yourself to think about it? Maybe we need to take that tunnel vision approach with our recovery and after we decide what we need to do, we just dive in and do it without time to talk ourselves out of it. Because after you just get started, there's all sort of intrinsic motivation to keep you moving forward.
Wishing you the best, hang in there and don't take that drink. You are worth more than that.
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Old 04-27-2016, 02:55 AM
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Happy Birthday and Congrad's on 18 months, here are a few suggestions:

Have you made any new friends? I used Meet Up dot com and AA, met others through a neighbor in short I surround myself with support I may need and people/groups to do things with once in the while with or someone to call if I am down.

I am in no way suggesting you are a dry drunk however have a read of it as many go through or are going through many of the emotions you are experiencing, there many be something in there that clicks.

Have you spoken with your doctor? I know in my case the highs and lows ended up being due to Bi-Polar, wish I would have known this 25+++ years ago.

What are your interests and hobbies? Are you pursuing any of them.

Just a few things that helps me

Andrew
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Old 04-27-2016, 03:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
There's nothing so bad a drink won't make it worse Stewy. There are people who are extremely allergic to things like peanuts or seafood, or gluten or lactose intolerant. I've realised lately I can no longer eat cashews or KFC cos they both mess me up with IBS. Just a fact of life, mate. I'd rather not be able to take alcohol than something like an allergy to processed food for example. Have you explored any possible solutions beyond your GP?...sorry I know I should know but there's so many members and stories here it's hard to remember. D
I've had all kinds of ad's , trips to gp, counselling , CBT, the works.

I do not feel rested ever, even if I have 8 hours sleep. That is the main problem at the minute and it's making it difficult as cravings are returning.

If I could just have some restful sleep I'd be ok
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Old 04-27-2016, 03:22 AM
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Why not give AA a go. Meet others in your situation, and listen to them share their recovery strength and hoppe. Maybe consider some structured recovery work while reaping the benefit of fellowship and some routine in the form of meetings. Also, why not have another pop at the healthy eating. Even if just for two of your three meals each day. If we eat loads of junk we're not going ourselves a fighting chance. I know that if I eat too much sugar it affects my mood which in turn makes me less likely to behave well or kindly towards others. And behaving in a way I want to own is important to me in my recovery. Anything that stops us getting restless, irritable and discontent is good for our recovery.
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Old 04-29-2016, 11:34 AM
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Thanks all for some superb advice here, I was feeling worn down the other day. I must remember to stay close to this forum and lean on you all a bit as it can get very lonely at times especially if I don't stay in touch.

I need to get into the healthy eating again just to boost my confidence and self esteem. It's great when the weight comes off and clothes start fitting again.

Thanks you guys
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Old 04-29-2016, 11:47 AM
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I feel like that sometimes, like I'm depriving myself of "all that fun", but it's all in my perspective and in seeing things realistically.

AA was a big start in helping me take a look at myself and what I was doing to contribute to my own unhappiness. Changing the way I look at the world made a big difference for me.
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Old 04-29-2016, 11:49 AM
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Sounds good Stewy, SR has changed my life for the better. No doubt about it.
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Old 04-29-2016, 12:02 PM
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Hi Stewy
Happy belated birthday and congratulations on 18 months sober.
That's amazing!
I'm glad you're feeling better - I'm only 3 weeks sober and I'm trying to "eat clean" as everything about my body is a wreck after so many years of excessive boozing, drugging and no exercise!
It can only be a good thing right!
There are some excellent documentaries on eating clean on youtube and netflix
Food Matters
Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 1 and 2
x
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Old 04-29-2016, 12:03 PM
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Glad you're feeling better today Stewy. It is amazing how a little adjustment to our daily eating / exercising routine can have a huge effect on our self confidence.

One thing is for sure, drinking isn't the way... no matter how you look at it, for people like us drinking is pure darkness and devastation.
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Old 04-29-2016, 12:16 PM
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This is from the gosober uk campaign it has delicious recipes Stewy

http://wellbeing.gosober.org.uk/category/recipes-2/
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Old 04-29-2016, 04:12 PM
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Glad you're feeling more even keeled Stewy

D
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Old 04-29-2016, 04:28 PM
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Stewy, I'm glad that you feel a bit better today.
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