Supertired

no excuses, just had to write it down.. i forgot what this kinda panic felt like. sounding like a broken record . Going to find the help i need. totally disgusted with myself

Bunny211

Welcome back! It gets better! Sending you hugs and warm fuzzies........

AdelineRose

As long as you never give up on yourself then there is still always hope

I have found keeping a journal of how I felt mentally, physically, and spiritually this time around this way I can never allow myself to distort the past and think to myself "I wasn't that bad".

What changes can you make to make this the time that you fully embrace recovery? I found that I needed counseling, medicine for depression and bipolar disorder, that I needed to change my phone number, delete facebook, delete all my contacts, to move so no one can just stop by, and that I needed to be open with my family so they could properly support me emotionally. I am 8 months sober and going strong, without all these changes I know I wouldn't be however.

I do not believe that everyone needs AA or NA. I am a recovering heroin addict and I tried AA and NA and it wasn't for me, but no matter what you decide to do you need to have a recovery plan and to have a support system.

You can do this! Don't be overly hard on yourself and just be honest about your needs.

Anna

I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery again.

Have faith that you can do this!

Supertired

I've never really committed to counselling, or had much of a dialogue with my doctor. i need to address that first. thnx

Supertired

I'm really embarrassed, and not looking for sympathy, just wondering how many times does this have to happen before i get it. i get a month, or 2 months even but then i crack... i just want this to stop..

Soberwolf

The main thing is your back & your working on it good to see you

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

MIRecovery

For me I had to get serious. Using will power alone caused me to fail about a zillion times. For me it took honestly with my loved ones and doctor, professional help via IOP, going to a lot of AA meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the steps

Supertired

the half measure approach is obviously not working, you're right MIR.. i need to make the wholesale changes.. got an appointment booked for friday morning to start that process with my doctor.. the underlying reasons why i drink .. are long past due to be addressed

FLCamper

Once I spoke with my Dr., went to AA for a while and kind of quit trying to keep it a secret - that really helped me.

Supertired

thanks FLC , I haven't been totally open in terms of getting help. my mental health has been suffering, and i guess i used that as a reason to drink and use .. i need to take better care of my mental wellbeing if i am going to have success..

Behappy1

Day one for me too. AGAIN. I understand the disgust, frustration and just plain being tired of the day one's. No words of wisdom, just know you're not alone.

Supertired

thanks BH, I'm inclined to isolate myself a lot, and then wonder why I'm feeling so lonely!? hah.

Behappy1

I too am inclined to isolate. I dread meetings on anything to do with alcohol. AA, CR, IOP. It's all to personal and I am a private person. Very private. That is not a good thing for me as naturally I am a social person.

Supertired

ya I'm pretty scared of meetings .. pretty scared to even leave the house right now

Sharpy

Welcome back. I'm back again as well today. I kinda want this to be the last time because there's been too many. In a state of reflection right now feeling disgusted I let it get so out of hand this time. But forgiving myself and moving forward with the steps to improve my thinking. I get very lonely when I stop drinking and I'm so happy sober recovery is here for me every time I come back. No judgement. I am also scared of meetings. I think something needs to change for me this time around. Trying to find what that is exactly.

Supertired

hey sharpy, Im also feeling like this time has to be different. I'm also hyper aware of how that just sounds like lip service cause I've said it before. as dee says the alcoholic sees themselves through intentions, and the rest of the world sees them through actions. getting professional help is what its come to for me, and i definitely should taken that avenue years ago

Sharpy

Yes indeed. Glad you are going for help. Stick with it and things will get brighter. Stay strong. I have yet to tell my mental health doctor of my alcoholism. I should have found someone who specializes is just that, addiction. It makes it easier because they know why you are there you don't have to let it out like a secret.

Supertired

ya I don't really know what to expect from my doctor (it will be the first time seeing him because i am switching family doctors), and if he will then refer me to someone who specializes in addictions. don't know what is and isn't covered by my public insurance (canada). Looking forward to finding out tho!

tomsteve

i still get amazed(?) how alcoholics can be afraid of things that will help them like aa and doctors, let that fear keep then from both, yet still have a fear of continued drinking and return to it.
i had a pretty good fear,,not of aa but of the unknown-fear of life without alcohol, when i was walkin into my first aa meeting.
im glad i got the courage to walk in, keep going back, and work the program.
i would have missed out on a pretty darn good life, just kept existing, and would have died quite a few years ago.