2 Years Sober - my story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
2 Years Sober - my story
i'm a child of alcoholics. i first got throw-up-pass-out drunk at around age 9. by 10, my parents were regularly buying me alcohol so i would drink with them on the weekends. i spent my childhood in pubs. i was neglected, i grew up surrounded by drunks.
i lived in a home that saw a lot of sexual violence. i first started thinking about being better off dead when i was still in primary school. my father was a big name in London's financial sector so we were well-off, lived in a big house and nobody knew what happened behind those closed doors.
2 months after my 17th birthday, it was announced that the parents were selling up and moving 200 miles away. i was not invited.
my life since then has been chaotic despite my 'privileged' upbringing. i have been married twice. i have had awful, abusive relationships. i have been on medication for depression since 18.
it's a long, painful story, and this was just the beginning. by 2012, the wheels had come off spectacularly. i had a child aged 12, a husband (my second) and a very high-pressure job which involved a lot of travel. my drinking had been getting progressively worse, and i had been hiding vodka for a good few years by then. i went on a work trip which could have been a disaster - 5 countries in 10 days and i was drunk all the time. i was drinking round the clock. i was drinking AT MY DESK at work. i was taking flights in blackout. and during all this chaos i was still doing my job, somehow.
on my return to the UK, i had a complete breakdown. i quit my job and was hospitalised for a month. i was discharged on heavy medication, and my ex-H took me straight from the psych ward to the pub.
September 2013 should have been my rock bottom. my daughter (now 13) was in my care and i was drunk. she called her Dad to come and collect her and the next day he told me she wasn't coming back.
i woke up the day after that in hospital. my suicide had been thwarted by my friends and the police who tracked me down and got me to hospital. i did another week on the psych ward.
when i left the hospital i rang AA. i went to a meeting the following night and the relief was ENORMOUS. it took another 6 months of sobriety, relapse and very nearly dying before i got it.
if you've stayed with me this far, thank you.
the facts are these:
1. i lost everything. my job, my child, my marriage and then my home. my mental health. nearly my life.
2. AA saved my life. i got a sponsor, worked the steps and did everything i could in order to not pick up a drink. i also did outpatient rehab and worked with the mental health team. lots of tools for the toolbox - this is vital
3. i still take a lot of psych meds. Quetiapine, Mirtazapine, Venlafaxine...
4. i have a laundry list of psych diagnoses. Borderline Personality Disorder, major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, complex PTSD...my physical health is also shot and at 43 i have had 6 knee surgeries and really need at least 1 new knee (riding large motorbikes for years has shot my knees, hips and ankles completely). i smashed a collarbone in 2010 and have had 7 surgeries. it won't fix.
this is the important bit. i live alone with my cats. nobody sees what i do behind closed doors. my health issues and medication regime leave me unable to work. i have a LOT of free time and a busy mind which loves to pick at trauma.
I've also now been sober for 2 years. my kiddo stays with me every weekend and we talk every day. i go to a support group for my BPD. and NO MATTER WHAT, i don't pick up a drink.
if i drink i will die. and at the moment i want to live. i have done this, i am doing it, i will keep on doing it until my time is done. i have been given the gift of a new life and although it is smaller, and often difficult, it is somehow sweeter.
i am doing this. you can do this too. dig in and hang on. it's the hardest thing i've ever done, and the rewards are immeasurable.
we all deserve this. thank you SR for the support - it helps so much to be able to share with others.
i'll shut up now!
i lived in a home that saw a lot of sexual violence. i first started thinking about being better off dead when i was still in primary school. my father was a big name in London's financial sector so we were well-off, lived in a big house and nobody knew what happened behind those closed doors.
2 months after my 17th birthday, it was announced that the parents were selling up and moving 200 miles away. i was not invited.
my life since then has been chaotic despite my 'privileged' upbringing. i have been married twice. i have had awful, abusive relationships. i have been on medication for depression since 18.
it's a long, painful story, and this was just the beginning. by 2012, the wheels had come off spectacularly. i had a child aged 12, a husband (my second) and a very high-pressure job which involved a lot of travel. my drinking had been getting progressively worse, and i had been hiding vodka for a good few years by then. i went on a work trip which could have been a disaster - 5 countries in 10 days and i was drunk all the time. i was drinking round the clock. i was drinking AT MY DESK at work. i was taking flights in blackout. and during all this chaos i was still doing my job, somehow.
on my return to the UK, i had a complete breakdown. i quit my job and was hospitalised for a month. i was discharged on heavy medication, and my ex-H took me straight from the psych ward to the pub.
September 2013 should have been my rock bottom. my daughter (now 13) was in my care and i was drunk. she called her Dad to come and collect her and the next day he told me she wasn't coming back.
i woke up the day after that in hospital. my suicide had been thwarted by my friends and the police who tracked me down and got me to hospital. i did another week on the psych ward.
when i left the hospital i rang AA. i went to a meeting the following night and the relief was ENORMOUS. it took another 6 months of sobriety, relapse and very nearly dying before i got it.
if you've stayed with me this far, thank you.
the facts are these:
1. i lost everything. my job, my child, my marriage and then my home. my mental health. nearly my life.
2. AA saved my life. i got a sponsor, worked the steps and did everything i could in order to not pick up a drink. i also did outpatient rehab and worked with the mental health team. lots of tools for the toolbox - this is vital
3. i still take a lot of psych meds. Quetiapine, Mirtazapine, Venlafaxine...
4. i have a laundry list of psych diagnoses. Borderline Personality Disorder, major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, complex PTSD...my physical health is also shot and at 43 i have had 6 knee surgeries and really need at least 1 new knee (riding large motorbikes for years has shot my knees, hips and ankles completely). i smashed a collarbone in 2010 and have had 7 surgeries. it won't fix.
this is the important bit. i live alone with my cats. nobody sees what i do behind closed doors. my health issues and medication regime leave me unable to work. i have a LOT of free time and a busy mind which loves to pick at trauma.
I've also now been sober for 2 years. my kiddo stays with me every weekend and we talk every day. i go to a support group for my BPD. and NO MATTER WHAT, i don't pick up a drink.
if i drink i will die. and at the moment i want to live. i have done this, i am doing it, i will keep on doing it until my time is done. i have been given the gift of a new life and although it is smaller, and often difficult, it is somehow sweeter.
i am doing this. you can do this too. dig in and hang on. it's the hardest thing i've ever done, and the rewards are immeasurable.
we all deserve this. thank you SR for the support - it helps so much to be able to share with others.
i'll shut up now!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I'm so sorry for what you have been through, your message of recovery is powerful and I think your really amazing to come out on the other side and be doing so well today 2 years sober
You know your awesome right ? xx
You know your awesome right ? xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Well done on two years sober Chickippo. Your story is intense and heartbreaking, but I'm glad you've found sobriety and a semblance of peace in your life. Thank you for sharing your story; after reading about your upbringing, I realize how lucky I was to have a fairly normal upbringing and home life when growing up.
Thank you again for sharing your story.
Thank you again for sharing your story.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Chickippo, congratulations on two years of sobriety! That is a seriously awesome accomplishment.
Sometimes, we read accounts of our fellow journeyers' childhoods that are truly heartbreaking. Every child deserves a stable upbringing.
By sharing your story, you've demonstrated that it's possible to overcome a painful start in life and chart a new course.
All the best to you. And yeah, you don't look a day over 30.
Sometimes, we read accounts of our fellow journeyers' childhoods that are truly heartbreaking. Every child deserves a stable upbringing.
By sharing your story, you've demonstrated that it's possible to overcome a painful start in life and chart a new course.
All the best to you. And yeah, you don't look a day over 30.
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