wildchild69

Hi there, I have been on this cycle with drinking since I was a teenager. I've never drank in moderation. I don't struggle with not drinking every day....but when I do drink, its always to excess. I was very wronged by a boyfriend I dated for only 6 months and I obsess over it. I am so angry, it's just ugly. I get drunk and try to bring him down in any way I can. I even called anonymously to the police and ratted him out for using drugs at work. I want to let this anger go so badly. I drink from boredom and to just try to change my mindset, but it brings out my anger.
Anyone else suffer from repeated cycles of binge drinking and regret? I could really use some support and need to know I'm not alone. I have driven blacked out drunk more in the last year than I have my whole life. It's like I'm self destructing and I don't know how to stop it.

Mountainmanbob

Staying very close to this site
and keeping the plug in the jug
and possibly some AA attendance
and reading the AA Big Book
would help you to understand your condition
and the means of escape.

There is a nice sober life waiting for you.
If you are willing and make a firm decision to seek it out.

Good luck.
Even though I do not believe in luck.
Hard work seems to work best.

Mountainmanbob

wildchild69

I appreciate that. I know I can't be the only one, but when I make these horrible out of control decisions, I feel like I'm the only person that could be that "bad"

Soberwolf

Having a plan to stay sober is your next best move

OldTomato

You are really not alone in this, I would recommend attending some meetings (AA or others) and listening to peoples' stories. Listen out for the things you can relate to. Reading posts here on SR is also beneficial.

I hope you're ready to stop drinking and enjoy a sober life.

JK130

You are not alone. I am so sorry you are dealing with such a flood of emotions, and hope that you can find a positive way to channel them. A new hobby? A sport? A volunteer project? You already know that alcohol makes everything worse, and that regretful anxiety feels awful. You are not alone. Have you decided to stop drinking?

Please don't drive while using alcohol.

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me for I also was in that place so many times.

Best thing for us to do is to not drink today. And then try to put some sober time together. The wreckage of our past will slip far away if we keep doing the right moral things.

For me drinking is not a moral thing to do. My wife has an occasional glass of wine with no problem. One glass never worked for me for too long. If you know what I mean.

Bob

Berrybean

Hi Wildchild69.

I think most of us only consider sobriety when the shame and remorse get too much to bear. I know I belived that I was the worst kind of person ever. And I am yet to meet someone in the rooms of AS who did not do so as well.

When I finally got up the courage (well, more like desperation really) to go along to AA, I was really shocked that only the first of the 12-steps of AA even mentions alcohol. All the others are about re-learning how to do life without alcohol. About learning why the same things happen time and time again. One part of me was horrified to learn how much of a part in my own demise I'd played, and about my character defects. But the upside to this was that I met so many others who were the same as me, who I could be honest with (once I'd got to know them and knew who best to talk to). Those people - including my sponsor and lots of other lovely ladies - have become my way show-ers. They have shared their experiences with me so that I can learn from them, and so that I can find some hope and strength in thinking that what worked for them can also work for me, if I'm willing to follow their lead. They have been there to listen to me while I burble on, trying to make some sense of my past and my actions and my feelings. I have learned that if I can be instrumental in my demise, I can also be instrumental in my recovery. All I needed to do was find the willingness to follow the suggestions and be willing to let go of those character defects that kept bringing me, full circle, back to the same sordid places.

When you're ready to reach out, there will be people there waiting to help you. A quick Internet search can show you where and when to find them.

I wish you all the best in your pursuit of a sober and serene life, through sobriety and recovery.

ducrider

I found this site from googling "I can't stop binge drinking." I still don't know how to stop yet, since I've failed so many times before, but you definitely aren't alone.

thomas11

" I dated for only 6 months and I obsess over it."

It would be helpful if you could take the focus off of this guy and redirect to yourself and your binge drinking. Easier said than done I'm sure, but it is the answer.

August252015

The advice to go to AA or to therap- or, really, both - is spot on. They can (should) serve different purposes and in my experience work best together. AA is not a forum for "venting" or receiving personal treatment, but the group focus helps individuals- sounds like it would be particularly good for you to know you are NOT alone - one (funny) quote I have recently come across is an alcoholic saying "if someone's f*cked one zebra, someone else has f*cked two" One-on-one therapy IS about you and your specific situation.

Private therapy can be expensive, even impossible to afford, so AA remains an always-there free option.

Good luck!!

wildchild69

Yes, I've decided to stop drinking. I need to accept that I am not who I want to be when I drink. I am completely out of control....making terrible decisions. I have not drank several times in the past....sometimes I wonder why I ever go back to it...it's such a sick relationship of self destruction.

wildchild69

Thank you all so much for reaching out to me. It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with something like this.

Berrybean

I think this is generally what happens when our sobriety involves removing alcohol, but not working on our recovery. If we are just sober alcoholics, without a good sobriety plan, and some solid recovery tools to help us along, then eventually our alcoholic voices pipe up with a convincing enough argument for us to pick up again. In many ways, drinking is just a symptom. I've heard alcoholism described as a disease of the perception or perspective, and I so, so agree with that. The way I saw the world through my alco-vision eyes (even when sober but before I worked on my recovery ) was very twisted, and i carried around a huge amount of fear, resentments, self-pity and rage, and life and the world seemed very dark and bleak. I was also massively ashamed of myself, and always felt less-than which led to people pleasing and a lot of dishonesty to cover up my actions and thoughts, but at the same time thinking that everyone else was at fault. A bizarre combination. I'm so, so grateful to have climbed out of that vortex of despair now, and to the people who helped me do so (on here and in AA).

Wolfbane

I relate to the pattern. No drinking 6 out of the 7 days of the week but the one night is always a doozy.

Dee74

Welcome wildchild

D

Time2Rise

Welcome wildchild. A lot of us here are/were binge drinkers, so you are not alone.

IMO it's time to be kind to yourself and forget your ex, and move on with your life. Broken hearts mend, but picking at the wound keeps that from happening.

Wastinglife

You certainly aren't alone. I have had quite a few blackout binges that have filled me with shame and regret. I seem to get angry in a blackout too. I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble during my binges. Been arrested multiple times, gotten in fights, drove drunk, ruined relationships and friendships. And then I drink to deal with the shame.