ICanDoBetter

To the newcomers, welcome! The early days are hard but so worth it, and they start to add up quickly.

To those who embarked on this journey before me, thank you for your kind support as I navigate these waters.

It's a beautiful day here.. Windows open, sun shining... I don't feel awesome but as Travis Tritt said, it's a great day to be alive! I'm enjoying the calm before a storm of ten year old boys invade my house for a sleepover birthday party... And tomorrow I'm rewarding myself with a fifty mile training bicycle ride :-). Give me strength.

OldTomato

Great post ICDB.

BattleAxBonnie

Thank you for the head's up on the early days and the difficulties. Yes, I'm at four days of no drinking. I am going for the long haul and the intellectual me knows I can do it and how to do it, but the earthly me (for lack of a better word) is hitting a wall today. Hubby is out on a ride (he is an endurance cyclist and today is a 125 mile day. He won't be home until dinner time). I've been nursing one of my older Pyrs (dog) as she's been incredibly sick but has rounded a corner and for the first time in days, she is eating again and acting more normal. But my 14 year old is pushing my buttons. He has high functioning Aspergers (so doesn't my husband, but it's a higher degree in my son). No wonder I've been self-medicating with wine!! Today, because I wouldn't let him use my iPhone (he already has a really fast computer that he built himself), but he needed it for some server he's playing games in. He has (had) a therapist appointment later today. I told him before he can use my phone, he needs to get dressed, eat breakfast, clean up his room, brush his teeth, etc. Well, he didn't like that. He slammed the sunroom door twice (I was sitting out there.) He swore at me, called me a bitch and then even "F.Y." Up until now, I've been really doing well (if I should say so myself) with not drinking. I go to bed early so I don't feel the cravings so badly. I rarely drank during the days. He refuses to go to the therapist, he's too big for me to carry to the car, so I had to cancel. I guess for me, I never really knew how to cope with family issues and so would drink to medicate myself. Numb myself. I won't drink because he pushed my buttons, but I feel I'm falling apart inside. The intellectual part of me remembers that I love my life, love my family, love my location, love my job. Today though, I feel there are no rewards for all my hard work. And I do work very hard through life, trying to make sure everyone is happy and taken care of. It's one o'clock here and all I feel like doing is going back to bed.

I'm sorry for raining on your parade for such a beautiful Saturday. I'm just feeling a little broken right now.

ICanDoBetter

first, big hugs to you! Do what you need to do to get through this day... Deep breathes, nap, meditate, ice cream (😊 can't hurt). You'll feel amazing accomplishment for tackling this 'first' Among a lifetime of firsts that lie before you. But they help build momentum. My life isn't the same kind of hectic, but I can certainly sympathize at some level. Maybe plan some 'you' time for after dinne once your husband is home. Go for a walk, a drive, to a movie, or just a quiet space to read a book.

FLCamper

Thanks, ICanDoBetter! I've been outside enjoying the beautiful day here, too.
Bonnie, I feel for you. I had a rebellious child. At some point, you cannot physically control them. It took my daughter a few years, but she did come around (no asperger's or any other diagnosis). She still has a temper and rebellious side. I talked with many, many people over the years and every story of a child like that ended well - they eventually came around.
Congrats on your 4 days. Being sober will help you deal with it. Keep posting, resting, whatever it takes to not pick up a drink.

oldsoul1122

And a happy day to you!

Soberwolf

Thank you & I wish you a nice evening x

BattleAxBonnie

Thank you. I did just take a little nap. It's so warm out today for up here (it's 61). It's supposed to rain later today, so I think I'll take Layla (my sick but recovering Pyr) for a walk down our long driveway. I am surrounded by beautiful nature and for me, this heals.

I won't take a drink. I'm healing myself now too.

XO

Fabela

Hey SW, what does your drawing mean? Norwegian Wood?

Fabela

And Bonnie, I used to have a Leonberger. I love big, gentle dogs.

BattleAxBonnie

I love Leonbergers too. They are definitely gentle giants. I just took Layla for a nice walk down the driveway. I do believe she made it through. Big relief.

Enjoy your afternoon.

Dee74

Have a great weekend everyone

D