CaveGirl

Hey there.
I've bits and pieced my story around the board. It's pretty much the same as everyone else's, drinking and lies.

We moved away from my social circle of twenty plus years about 8 months ago. I pretty much chucked my life. My job has no career path now, I have zero of my "tribe" near by, and I was in contract to buy a large house for us when the **** hit the fan. So now I own something too big for me in a more isolating neighborhood. And he went back to another state. With all his stuff and mess to clean up.

I'm so incredibly lonely. I'm doing att the "things" I'm supposed to do, going to meet ups, working out, eating right, taking classes, volunteering, you name it I'm doing it. But I have no one local to really talk to. Nothing is clicking. Oh yeah and I work at home with no local office to go to.

I miss the ex, in some ways, mostly I miss the company... Today his cousin sent me a cute story and picture of him as a kid and I'm just inconsolable.

I know this all sounds trite and first world problemy. I'm just so freaking sad....

dandylion

CaveGirl.....I suspect a part of this is the natural grieving process that you have to go through......Regardless, it is very important to have face to face I nteraction with others who are able to understand what you are going through....
Humans need human contact...especially, in times of pain and grief....there is simply no substitute for it...

If you don't have a therapist or counselor....I suggest you get one asap....
Also, a support group....alanon, or a grief recovery group......maybe, skype with your old social group....or a short visit back home....?

dandylion

***"first world p roblemy" or third world probemly....human pain and grief all feels the same......

CaveGirl

I do stay in touch with people at home, and I am going back for a week end of May, but like you said face to face is really important. I don't have a therapist, might need one, what I really want is a friend to go to dinner with that I don't have to pay.

While it's not my ex's fault that I made these decisions, I can't help be upset about how our great moving adventure turned into a completely isolating event for me. I live in a beautiful town, and will keep trying but dang some days I just wonder what the heck the point is.

I am not whiney by nature, and usually realize how lucky I am... But it is just too many changes at once for me...

Kata

Cave girl, believe me, I know how you feel. Before my XABF, I too "chucked" my life and my tribe away to move to another city to be with someone. And I work from home too! I was miserable! Now I'm back In my city, with my tribe nearby. But things have changed, my tribe has babies now and I can't see them as much as I used too. And I still work from home.

Can't you move back? I know you just bought a house, but if you truly feel unhappy where you are right now, there's no point in torturing yourself.

You could also look into co-working spaces. I would give you a chance to work outside your home some days, and you would at least have coworkers.

CaveGirl

Thank you Kata. Your words made me feel not so alone.

I've thought about moving back, but it is a really really expensive area, so I'd probably have to get roommates which at 45 is not something I want to do. My old neighborhood is all million dollar 2 bedroom homes (it's not that nice either) It's the kind of place that once you give up your cheap place there is no going home again. Where I am now I don't have to struggle financially (at least). And to go back would be a struggle. Many of my people are leaving and having kids and stuff too... So don't think it would be worth it.

I started looking into coworking once a week, once I get into my new home (June) I'm going to start doing that. I know time takes time but boy does it suck today. And for gods sake Prince died!

AdelineRose

I'm so sorry things aren't going how you thought they would and you are feeling alone, but my biggest recommendation I can give is find a counselor you really click with and trust. In the beginning I had to go to counseling three times a week, I am a recovered heroin addict and a loved one of a recovering addict. My addict is currently in prison so I went from having my best friend with me 24/7 (even though my life was chaos) to being on my mine in one days time.

If you can't move back to your old area, maybe it is time to start looking into other areas that are just more connected. Maybe right now would be a time to more into a condo or apartment complex that has a gym, pool, etc. all on the grounds since that is much more conducive to meeting others.

I know you are hurting right now, but the more you focus on yourself the more you will realize what you need to be happy. Maybe after awhile you will like the privacy and seclusion, or maybe you will determine it isn't for you at all, maybe you'd like to try a different state with different weather, etc.

HUGS you are not alone! Do you have a pet? I have found my dog and cat have literally saved me from myself. The unconditional love a pet gives can help more than you can imagine. When my dad suddenly died when I was 15 my mom got two dogs for the family and I swear it kept our heads above water.