Last 48 hours have been hell
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: richmond, Virginia
Posts: 84
Last 48 hours have been hell
Found out husband cheating. Found out he is on a med for genital warts. Thank goodness I have not been with him. Spoke to the current interest, seems that he told her about me, she is 27 he is 48, I was blindsided and OMG very unstable as far as drinking, I know I have come a long way but damn this is to much
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
That is an awful betrayal. Please do not let it hurt you any further by drinking. You owe it to yourself to be extra kind towards yourself now.
I have been cheated on and had my health put at risk as well, and made an utter fool of. I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this.
I have been cheated on and had my health put at risk as well, and made an utter fool of. I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 295
I know it may seem impossible at this moment .. but if you can cope with this in a healthy way you'll be so glad you did.
In the midst of a craving it is hard .. like two parts of the mind in battle. One part saying drink, the other part saying don't ... but I can say any time I've gone to bed sober I have never thought "Crap, I wish I had drank today!"
Do what you have to do .. make calls to supportive friends, stay close to SR ... but if you drink you temporarily numb your pain, but the alcohol always wears off .. you'll need more .... stay out of the cycle ... the relief is an illusion. The alcohol doesn't give anything to you.. it takes and it always wants more.
In the midst of a craving it is hard .. like two parts of the mind in battle. One part saying drink, the other part saying don't ... but I can say any time I've gone to bed sober I have never thought "Crap, I wish I had drank today!"
Do what you have to do .. make calls to supportive friends, stay close to SR ... but if you drink you temporarily numb your pain, but the alcohol always wears off .. you'll need more .... stay out of the cycle ... the relief is an illusion. The alcohol doesn't give anything to you.. it takes and it always wants more.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
So sorry this is happening to you, but as another poster said - living well is the best revenge - and you want to prove to the world you are the bigger better person!
He is so not worth drinking over girl!
He is so not worth drinking over girl!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
Life, I am really sorry that you are going through this and am glad you thought to come here for support. This tribulation will pass and thank goodness you are sober for it..... there will be a lot to deal with and drinking would add fuel to the flames.
My thoughts are with you.
Jonathan
My thoughts are with you.
Jonathan
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I'm so sorry you are going through this but I think you know deep down that drinking will not make this go away, make time go backwards, or make you forget what your husband has done.
Now sounds like a really good time to go pamper yourself. Whatever it is you enjoy..massage, hair, manicure and pedicure, weekend trip with the girls, go to the movies, ANYTHING that you enjoy. You need to be extra kind to yourself.
Also, remember it is okay to cry and to feel. Sometimes I write a letter to whatever is hurting me whether it be addiction or a person and let EVERYTHING out and then burn it and let it go and know that I cannot change it. The only thing you can control is your actions now. Do not give him the power to take away your recovery. He isn't work drinking over, NO ONE AND NOTHING IS.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
Now sounds like a really good time to go pamper yourself. Whatever it is you enjoy..massage, hair, manicure and pedicure, weekend trip with the girls, go to the movies, ANYTHING that you enjoy. You need to be extra kind to yourself.
Also, remember it is okay to cry and to feel. Sometimes I write a letter to whatever is hurting me whether it be addiction or a person and let EVERYTHING out and then burn it and let it go and know that I cannot change it. The only thing you can control is your actions now. Do not give him the power to take away your recovery. He isn't work drinking over, NO ONE AND NOTHING IS.
HUGS HUGS HUGS
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Oh jeez. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this is to happen right now. But I do imagine that after you get over the initial shock and betrayal, you are going to need to do some serious thinking about what you want to do. The kind of thinking that requires a focus and clear mindedness that you won't have if you drink. Be kind to yourself. Don't drink. Get angry but don't drink. Throw some things, break something, scream at the top of your lungs, but don't drink. Grieve, but don't drink. Just because your husband chose not to respect you, doesn't mean you can't respect yourself. Don't drink.
Stick with your sobriety. You will get through this. You've got options, you just have to figure them out.
Wishing you strength.
Stick with your sobriety. You will get through this. You've got options, you just have to figure them out.
Wishing you strength.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. By remaining sober you will be able to make clear decisions about how you want to handle things. Stick close to SR, we are all here to support you through this.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
You Never Know How Strong You Are Until Being Strong Is The Only Choice You Have.
Although our situations are very different the quote above helped me through my daughter's battle with cancer and eventual death. When she finally passed I was crippled in a way that there are not words for in the English language.
I didn't drink because drinking wasn't an option anymore. I had to deal with life on life's terms. I leaned heavily on friends, family, my faith , AA, professional help, and SR.
I still grieve everyday but I'm still am sober. I know for certain that there is no problem alcohol won't make worse
Although our situations are very different the quote above helped me through my daughter's battle with cancer and eventual death. When she finally passed I was crippled in a way that there are not words for in the English language.
I didn't drink because drinking wasn't an option anymore. I had to deal with life on life's terms. I leaned heavily on friends, family, my faith , AA, professional help, and SR.
I still grieve everyday but I'm still am sober. I know for certain that there is no problem alcohol won't make worse
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I do know that alcohol will make the situation worse though, whereas getting through a hard time sober will give you a reason to feel proud. I'm thinking of you today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
Please just try to remember that, no matter what the problem is, alcohol will only ever make it worse. Don't go sticking that 'Solution ' label back on the booze, or make the mistake of thinking that to drink at him (as punishment, or to show him how damaging his behaviour has been) will do anything other than make the arguments more vile, and give him a way of dismissing what you think as say as drunken rants. Sure, it might offer a couple of hours of false relief but then you'll be paying the price. Stay sober, do the next right thing, and keep your dignity. Keep posting and reading here, and maybe try to get to some local meetings as well. Remember the HALT triggers, and no matter what, make sure that you Eat regularly and get as much rest as possible so you don't get over Tired. Loneliness and Anger are the things that people here and at local meetings will hopefully help with a little. On anger, resentments (especially justified ones) are really dangerous for us. Any efforts to not get in a rage over this would be to help you, not him.
Thinking of you and sending my prayers.
BB
Please just try to remember that, no matter what the problem is, alcohol will only ever make it worse. Don't go sticking that 'Solution ' label back on the booze, or make the mistake of thinking that to drink at him (as punishment, or to show him how damaging his behaviour has been) will do anything other than make the arguments more vile, and give him a way of dismissing what you think as say as drunken rants. Sure, it might offer a couple of hours of false relief but then you'll be paying the price. Stay sober, do the next right thing, and keep your dignity. Keep posting and reading here, and maybe try to get to some local meetings as well. Remember the HALT triggers, and no matter what, make sure that you Eat regularly and get as much rest as possible so you don't get over Tired. Loneliness and Anger are the things that people here and at local meetings will hopefully help with a little. On anger, resentments (especially justified ones) are really dangerous for us. Any efforts to not get in a rage over this would be to help you, not him.
Thinking of you and sending my prayers.
BB
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