Here goes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Rocky Mountains, CO
Posts: 15
Here goes!
Admins, thank you for the kind welcome.
I am a married woman in my early 50s. I have two grown daughters and a teenage son. I have four grandchildren. All but the teenage son, live far away. I live in the Colorado Rockies, after moving out of California for the past year and a half. I have a great job working for the county in our Community Center and have met a great deal of wonderful people. We have four Great Pyrenees, a cat, a parrot, a lop-earred bunny, and a 16 year old toad. My life feels pretty great right now. So why can't I quit drinking? I started drinking as a teenager to "fit in". Continued all through my life; at first, as a crutch when partying and hanging out with friends. Now, I drink almost every night, the longest I've stayed sober in the past many, many years, is about a month. I never drink during the day. I only drink wine, typically white wine and I can drink a bottle a night. My husband also wants to quit drinking and is in the same boat. I've been reading on some of the forums about trying to get sober as a couple. I am sure we are codependent and when one of us fails, the other is secretly happy so we can drink again too. I love him, he loves me. I know we'll both be so much happier and healthier once we beat this addiction. And the fact that we spend so much money on alcohol a month is really the major factor to quit. I just want to succeed and so far, I personally have been a failure. I'm probably the one who caves in the most. Not probably, AM!
So there it is. Out in the open. Thanks for reading and any advice you want to share, will be greatly appreciated.
BattleAxBonnie
I am a married woman in my early 50s. I have two grown daughters and a teenage son. I have four grandchildren. All but the teenage son, live far away. I live in the Colorado Rockies, after moving out of California for the past year and a half. I have a great job working for the county in our Community Center and have met a great deal of wonderful people. We have four Great Pyrenees, a cat, a parrot, a lop-earred bunny, and a 16 year old toad. My life feels pretty great right now. So why can't I quit drinking? I started drinking as a teenager to "fit in". Continued all through my life; at first, as a crutch when partying and hanging out with friends. Now, I drink almost every night, the longest I've stayed sober in the past many, many years, is about a month. I never drink during the day. I only drink wine, typically white wine and I can drink a bottle a night. My husband also wants to quit drinking and is in the same boat. I've been reading on some of the forums about trying to get sober as a couple. I am sure we are codependent and when one of us fails, the other is secretly happy so we can drink again too. I love him, he loves me. I know we'll both be so much happier and healthier once we beat this addiction. And the fact that we spend so much money on alcohol a month is really the major factor to quit. I just want to succeed and so far, I personally have been a failure. I'm probably the one who caves in the most. Not probably, AM!
So there it is. Out in the open. Thanks for reading and any advice you want to share, will be greatly appreciated.
BattleAxBonnie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Island of the Misfit Toys
Posts: 22
Welcome aboard BAB!
You ahead of the game for your recognition of your situation. Please oh please continue on the path to stop drinking before something real bad happens in your life and then you are forced to change.
( like what happened to me)
You ahead of the game for your recognition of your situation. Please oh please continue on the path to stop drinking before something real bad happens in your life and then you are forced to change.
( like what happened to me)
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Welcome, Bonnie!
My wife and I quit drinking three years ago when our lives were about to be destroyed by alcohol. I went to detox for a week, but she stopped on her own. We went to ninety AA meetings in our first ninety days of recovery, but have no family commitments and were not employed at the time. I still go to a couple meetings a week, but she does not.
I really think meetings gave our sobriety a solid foundation, and I hope you find a meeting in your area soon.
My wife and I quit drinking three years ago when our lives were about to be destroyed by alcohol. I went to detox for a week, but she stopped on her own. We went to ninety AA meetings in our first ninety days of recovery, but have no family commitments and were not employed at the time. I still go to a couple meetings a week, but she does not.
I really think meetings gave our sobriety a solid foundation, and I hope you find a meeting in your area soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Rocky Mountains, CO
Posts: 15
Thank you! It feels good here. I've been reading some threads and I like the fact that everyone is respectful of each other. I'm not into physical meetings but by joining here, I am making it public and am accountable for my future sobriety. I am aware of my weaknesses and triggers and hope I can stay clear of those and move forward.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
We do have a great community here, a family really, and I'm glad you joined us. As you read around you will see that there are many roads to recovery and the main thing is to find something that works for you. Being aware and committing yourself to recovery is a great step forward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Rocky Mountains, CO
Posts: 15
Amazingjoy, thanks! I used to run a group on Facebook, dog breed specific. It was meant to be a cheerful site, however some people didn't like that idea and would post mean responses, terrible pictures of abused dogs, etc, and when I would delete those comments or pictures, some members would be quite angry. I received a lot of mean spirited emails and one lady called me Battle Ax Bonnie. I thought that was pretty funny and thought I would use it for this site. :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
Have you made a plan for your recovery? It's good that you know your triggers, but having a concrete plan makes it all so much easier. It might be an idea to think about what happens if your husband starts drinking again. Will you relapse as well?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. 
I was a wine drinker too, and got sober over six years ago, with the help of my counselor and this site. I hope our support can help you get sober for good. 
I was a wine drinker too, and got sober over six years ago, with the help of my counselor and this site. I hope our support can help you get sober for good. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 29
Greeting from a fellow wino! I'm new here too and am already learning so much by reading all the threads. I'm only on day 2 but more determined than ever this time and it sounds like you are too. How wonderful you have such a wide assortment of great pets! I bet they bring you lots of laughs! Best wishes to you and your husband for finding a way to get sober together, joining here is a great start!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by BattleAxBonnie 
Amazingjoy, thanks! I used to run a group on Facebook, dog breed specific. It was meant to be a cheerful site, however some people didn't like that idea and would post mean responses, terrible pictures of abused dogs, etc, and when I would delete those comments or pictures, some members would be quite angry. I received a lot of mean spirited emails and one lady called me Battle Ax Bonnie. I thought that was pretty funny and thought I would use it for this site. :-)
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Welcome BattleAxBonnie, love your user name!!
Years ago, my husband and I would try to quit smoking together. Of course, it only lasted until one of us snuck in a smoke and the other found out and broke down. We were a united front all right, LOL!
I quit smoking successfully 9 years ago, my husband still smokes. The biggest factor in my success was separating my "quit" from my husband's "quit".
I quit drinking 1 year and a bit ago. From my past experience I knew going in that my quit and my recovery were my own. My husband, unfortunately, still drinks every night.
I am not saying it can't be done - we are just one instance in a variety of outcomes. It doesn't have to be "if one falls the other falls".
I look forward to reading posts about your success
Years ago, my husband and I would try to quit smoking together. Of course, it only lasted until one of us snuck in a smoke and the other found out and broke down. We were a united front all right, LOL!
I quit smoking successfully 9 years ago, my husband still smokes. The biggest factor in my success was separating my "quit" from my husband's "quit".
I quit drinking 1 year and a bit ago. From my past experience I knew going in that my quit and my recovery were my own. My husband, unfortunately, still drinks every night.
I am not saying it can't be done - we are just one instance in a variety of outcomes. It doesn't have to be "if one falls the other falls".
I look forward to reading posts about your success
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Rocky Mountains, CO
Posts: 15
Thanks again to all the welcomes! 2ndhandrose, after reading a few of the threads about couples quitting together, I understand that I have to do this on my own. I'm pretty sure that my husband is stronger than me when it comes to this, but time will tell and I'll have to separate my sobriety from his. Like I wrote, it's usually me who caves and he enables it by going out and buying alcohol. I want this more than anything for my future and my teenage son's.
Amazingjoy - yes! Hahaha! There were over 10,500 members when I quit Facebook. It just wasn't fun anymore.
Amazingjoy - yes! Hahaha! There were over 10,500 members when I quit Facebook. It just wasn't fun anymore.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Bonnie. I think you've already found this community can be a great resource.
I also had to quit while my wife continued to drink. Not the easiest thing in the world, but as long as you are committed then you can do it. Just remember, you can only control you. Make your plan, discover your motivating factors and use these to not drink. Any time you feel weak, play it forward in your mind of what it will be like tomorrow if you take that drink today.
You can do this. Welcome to SR.
I also had to quit while my wife continued to drink. Not the easiest thing in the world, but as long as you are committed then you can do it. Just remember, you can only control you. Make your plan, discover your motivating factors and use these to not drink. Any time you feel weak, play it forward in your mind of what it will be like tomorrow if you take that drink today.
You can do this. Welcome to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Rocky Mountains, CO
Posts: 15
Thanks again! Day three and going strong! I've had a big distraction, one of my Pyrs has been really sick, so I've been tending to her a lot.
I do get waves of cravings, especially coming home from work yesterday and it was like springtime outside (we had a big snowstorm last weekend, we got over 4 feet of snow!). I always loved to sit on our deck and have a glass of wine on a warm, early evening. But nope. Didn't!
I feel accountable now that I've hooked up to this site, so I truly appreciate the support. Even if I don't know you, or can't see you, I feel it!
I do get waves of cravings, especially coming home from work yesterday and it was like springtime outside (we had a big snowstorm last weekend, we got over 4 feet of snow!). I always loved to sit on our deck and have a glass of wine on a warm, early evening. But nope. Didn't!
I feel accountable now that I've hooked up to this site, so I truly appreciate the support. Even if I don't know you, or can't see you, I feel it!
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