LifeChanges

I'm drinking a bottle + of wine a day. 5-7 days a week. For years. And years. I had bloodwork done this week and I was fearing the worst. Last year my numbers were in the mid to high 100's. Not good. So I go to my dr appt and my lab work says my liver function is great. I sadly celebrated last night by drinking again.
I'm so tired of the same routine. Waking up and feeling ashamed of myself. Promising myself, that I will NOT drink tonight. I'll go to bed early because good sleep is better than this hangover. The day plays out and come 9 pm I've convinced myself that I'll just drink tonight and then only the weekends.
I was almost looking forward to elevated numbers and a stern lecture from my dr.

ALinNS

Many or perhaps most of us have a plan in place to ensure we do not drink again, in my case if I were to receive great news rather than head to the bottle, I would phone a friend, buy myself a treat (home baked store nearby that has amazing baked goods) go to a movie, go skating, go bowling etc. Some activities require my better half, many I can do by myself, the end goal is to stay sober which I believe anyone can do, question always remains how hard am I willing to fight for it.

All the best
Andrew

Soberwolf

Welcome Lifechanges

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR!

I often clean my house and then celebrate by throwing buckets of mud at the walls.

There's a name for that condition. It's called addiction.

You are in the right place to learn more about it.

What are you gonna do the next time you feel like drinking?

GnikNus

"Only on the weekends." I remember chasing that dragon. I ended up drinking only on the weekends and the weekdays.
We can't moderate. It's no longer an option. It sounds like you want to quit- that you're ready. That's huge. Make the leap to total abstinence an et some sober time under your belt. Celebrate good news with sweets, not more damage to your liver.
You got good news from the doctor. That's great. If you keep drinking, will it always be that way?

txwildflower

I can relate, I also celebrated my normal liver labs by buying a bottle of wine!

After years of trying to convince myself I can moderate, I know I can't. I'm trying to find new ways to treat myself instead of with alcohol and realizing there are better hobbies out there than pickling my liver. Best wishes on your new sobriety chapter! You can do it!

Anna

Please consider yourself lucky to have good test results. This is an opportunity for you to change your life and to live the best life you can.

LifeChanges

Thank you for your replies. Being here and seeing all the positivity in SR is just what I need.
I'm 44, a stay at home mom of a teen and a preteen. It's true I've had a rough childhood. But my current life is what I've always dreamed of. I should be so grateful, and I am. So why do I have to blur it and numb myself daily? I know it's the addiction.

I'll keep reading all the posts. It's so relatable. Thank you

maverickspoint

You were almost hoping for health problems. Not good and a clear indication that despite a functioning liver alcohol is damaging your body in other areas. It took a health scare to finally make me wake up to my addiction. I wish it hadn't but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope you see this as a fresh start and not another window of opportunity to push it until it's too late. Good luck.

mirage

Oh boy, you sound EXACTLY like me when I was drinking. I can totally relate to that nightly struggle and almost daily hangovers. It's a tiring existence and beating yourself up every day makes you feel horrible. I hope you stick around SR, it taught me so much about what I was dealing with and gave me the support I needed to finally be free from that vicious cycle. There are wonderful people here with so much knowledge. Just understand that you're not alone and sobriety CAN be done. You will love being free from it, it just takes awhile to get used to living without it. It's a great thing for your kids, too. I was 44 with kids 9 and 12 when I quit. I hid it from them, but I knew I couldn't do that forever. Finally, I'm the mom I'd always wanted to be: always present, not hurrying them to bed so I could have my wine, able to pick them up if they're out late, etc. Do it. You won't be sorry. Good luck!!

fini

I was almost looking forward to elevated numbers and a stern lecture from my dr.

hello LC,

yes, i remember wishing "the outside" would tell me in no uncertain terms i had to quit. and that i could then do it.

truth of the matter is that quitting and staying that way ultimately comes from inside.

don't give up.

amazingjoy

Hi LifeChanges! Glad you are here...SR is a wonderfully supportive place to be!

I can relate to you...and I'm sure you will find many who will relate to you and vice versa.

I'm 45 and have a daughter who is almost 10...and I really LOVE my life now and am so happy and grateful for my family, my pets, my job...everything! But the other 1/2 of me was kind of stuck trying to outrun my past (lots of childhood trauma which carried into my 20s). It's like I just wanted to numb myself and forget about all that...of course it was all left unprocessed and I was just stuck. The temporary perceived relief from both my physical and emotional pain was just not working anymore...it just made it all worse.

The one thing that is certain is that your 1+ bottle will progress into 2+ and so one...

This IS progressive, not because of our "weaknesses", but because physiologically, our bodies build a tolerance and we end up needing more and more over time to get the same effect and then eventually, it just doesn't "work" like it used to.

I think you will really like SR and find a lot of great help here!

least

I hope the awesome support here can help you get sober for good. It really is a better way to live. Don't keep drinking and waiting for it to get worse, cause it will.

FormerWineGirl

Hi LifeChanges, welcome. I have a similar story. Had routine blood work which showed slightly elevated liver enzymes. It really scared me. Not enough to quit, however. I was scheduled to have the test repeated 6 weeks later, so I drank less - and not at all a day or two before the test. So I call for the results while on an out-of-town trip with friends (also drinkers). My test was normal. I was very relieved and happy. How did I celebrate? By getting totally smashed that night. I went home and continued drinking. That was in July, 2014. In September, 2 months later, something finally clicked with me. I woke up with my usual hangover, getting ready for work, and realized that something had to change. I haven't drank since.

I completely understand the every night bottle or more of wine. I did it for years. But you CAN quit. After years of trying to moderate, I had to take the option of drinking totally off of the table. It wasn't easy, but it was one of the best decisions that I have ever made.

ccam1973

Welcome LifeChanges. I think a lot of us here probably have similar stories. I was diagnosed with Fatty Liver back in 2007 so my response to that was cut out all hard liquor. I kept drinking beer and wine until i got up to drinking either a case of beer every day or a whole box of wine daily. By then I was simply killing myself. That's when I found hope within this community.

You can break this cycle before you do permanent damage. I wasted 20 years to drinking. Personally i'm not giving into another day where alcohol dictates my schedule, my memory, my attitude and most importantly the time I spend with my family. You can do this if you want to.

Welcome aboard.

Volshen

Wouldn't it be a shame to be told your liver function is great .. but then continue drinking to eventually be told "You have cirrhosis" ? This is your window .. quit before there is any damage.

uncorked

Hi, LifeChanges, fellow (former) wine-drinking mama here. I have 18 yr old triplets and a 10 yr old son. Drank 1.5 bottles of wine a day for years. Never progressed to 2 bottles (something to be proud of, right? lol), but I felt like crap every day same as you. I didn't have childhood trauma but my husband was controlling and emotionally/financially abusive. Rather than do something real about that, I used drinking to deal. I never thought I could quit but I've been sober now for 6 months. I won't lie, it's tough at times....but so much better than feeling ashamed, unmotivated, sluggish and unable to respect myself. For me, it took inpatient rehab. Many others have quit on their own, joined AA, Smart Recovery, etc. This board is a huge help. You can do it!!!!

gleefan

Welcome LifeChanges.

I'm a 41 year old mom who drank at minimum a bottle and a half of wine 4-5 days a week long after I wanted to stop.

Stopping was the best thing I ever did. One of the hardest too, but by opening my mind and heart to other alcoholics here on SR and in AA, I've had companionship and support on this journey.

Sobriety happens one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Keep at it!

LifeChanges

It's really nice to hear all personal stories and especially the other moms. I always feel extra ashamed as a mom.
Had a super busy night, went out of town for my teens sport. Got home about 10:30. Typically that would mean I'd have a second wind after getting home and drinking my usual 1-1.5 bottles of wine until I passed out. I did pour a glass, and finished less than half of it. I watched tv for a couple hours and then just slept. Not buzz, no big late snack. That is real progress for me! Woke this morning very tired, but NOT hungover!!!

dickensen

Thanks for all the comments about breaking the alcohol habit. They are enlightening and encouraging. Many of us need to come to grips with the choice of ruin or salvation from alcohol.